Rob1742 Posted 16 November 2016 Share Posted 16 November 2016 Might of done this one here before, not sure. Kirkpatricks pub in South Shields around 1996. With the missus, drinking a bottle of bud and suddenly I felt my stomach go. Loud, long and pungent, nearly drew mud, just managed to hold back. But the leftovers were something to behold. I would say 50 geordies, men and women looked over and literally left their drinks and evacuated the place. I was doubled up in laughter as the missus apologised to each and every one as they left the premises. Not been bettered by man not beast in my lifetime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bovril Posted 16 November 2016 Share Posted 16 November 2016 Once taught English in a foreign business that had one of these smart temperature gauges in their office and one Saturday morning after a heavy night on the vodka I let rip an absolute beast and the entire system kind of malfunctioned, beeping going off everywhere. Was one of the more embarrassing yet satisfying moments of my life. Fvck the man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellend Sebastian Posted 16 November 2016 Share Posted 16 November 2016 Brighton, about 4 years ago. Got overconfident evacuating what was copious amounts of basically just air, when I should have known that eventually this gets replaced by a super potent bum guff of surprising toxicity. Needless to say, in company. Probably safe to go back now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beliall Posted 16 November 2016 Share Posted 16 November 2016 Thread of the year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tom27111 Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 Coral bookmakers, Great Yarmouth, Easter 2009. After a very heavy night on the beer, I silently dropped my guts near the football coupons. within seconds, there were people wretching and running for the door. The stench was horrendous, it just wouldn't go away, it was that bad, you could taste it. I went along with everyone else in there, pulling faces and eyes watering. It was then when the woman who worked there stood up and said loudly: "I'm so sorry, we've had problems with the drains in here before, it must be something to do with that. I'll call Dyno Rod." After placing my bets and leaving, I owned up to my Mrs at the time, who was with me. She was disgusted. I felt like a boss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sol thewall Bamba Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 "The worst fart you've ever done" about 18 months back I think is one of my favourite threads of all time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beliall Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 I woke up in the night, after drinking earlier in the evening and could feel a huge amount of gas built up inside. I prepared to let it go, and it wasnt so much of a long fart, as a loud "BANG" as the whole lot exited at once. it woke my girlfriend of the time who asked what the **** that noise was. i told her and she said i was "****ing disgusting". I was pretty proud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonnieTodger Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 I was playing squash against my mate and it was match point. I always fart there and it's pretty bad as there's no escape on a squash court. Anyway, I did it just before serving and as the ball came back off the wall, the smell hit my mate. He tried to cover his nose but took his eye off the ball and it hit him in the face Favourite ever winner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLAN Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 Once gassed an entire nightclub multiple times in one night. It was Venus in Nottingham and lets say chemicals may have played a part... I can honestly say almost the whole top floor was looking round to see what the smell was. Someone even said I think someone has let off a stink bomb has to be over 20 years ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonthefox Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 After spending three weeks in India I tried to drop a stealth fart in a crowded restaurant and ended up shitting all down my left leg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiffToff88 Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 The big question is has anyone ever experienced this problem: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julian Joachim Jr Shabadoo Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 I did one so incredibly noxious in bed once it woke the missus up (silent one). She went ballistic, it was so brutal I didn't even enjoy the smell Once I farted the Family Fortunes incorrect (DUH-DUUUHHH) noise, that was impressive Also once as a young child I was watching Neighbours and farted. One of the characters then appeared in a scene in a kitchen and declared "That smells wonderful". The timing was unreal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Costock_Fox Posted 17 November 2016 Share Posted 17 November 2016 Was on holiday in Kos as a kid and i fell sleep on one sofa with my sister on another in a packed bar. For no apparent reason I got up, walked over to my sister and dropped my guts on her face. Can still remember this poor old guys face that was sitting next to her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chiltern Fox Posted 19 November 2016 Share Posted 19 November 2016 Sixth form assembly. Bubble and squeak for breakfast. Sitting on a plastic chair. Smoke in the air afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karljohn Posted 23 November 2016 Share Posted 23 November 2016 Unleashed one at work quite recently, went for the silent but deadly squeeze but ended up ripping it....at first got away with it as no colleagues heard the noise of the frat. Within 20 seconds I heard people approaching behind.....time to be introduced to the new boss it seemed who was on a health and safety tour. My fart needed a risk assessment by this time. Dreadful dirty bomb stench took over her nose, shortest introduction ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Royston. Posted 23 November 2016 Share Posted 23 November 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingcarr21 Posted 23 November 2016 Share Posted 23 November 2016 A friend of mine when on the protein shakes used to do some absolute stinkers. I used to work in power stations and in the turbine hall i would see him about 30 metres away. No word of a lie he would cup his fart and throw it in my direction and about 5 seconds later (after being carried from the various steam outlets around the place) would get to me and i would down tools and walk off. Turn around to see him pissing himself from well far away. Nobody else could do it His farts used to just linger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strokes Posted 23 November 2016 Share Posted 23 November 2016 17 minutes ago, kingcarr21 said: A friend of mine when on the protein shakes used to do some absolute stinkers. I used to work in power stations and in the turbine hall i would see him about 30 metres away. No word of a lie he would cup his fart and throw it in my direction and about 5 seconds later (after being carried from the various steam outlets around the place) would get to me and i would down tools and walk off. Turn around to see him pissing himself from well far away. Nobody else could do it His farts used to just linger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MPH Posted 23 November 2016 Share Posted 23 November 2016 When i was a kid ( i promise!) i used to fart in my hand, cup it closed and take it to my sister with various excuses.. " can you look at this splinter on my palm" " is this a blood blister.. can you look at it?" She'd fall for it every time and it was worth every beating she gave me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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