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Buce

Funeral etiquette question

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It's my father-in-law's funeral today, and I'm expected to write a message to go with the flowers. All the funerals I have previously attended have been 'no flowers' so I have no experience in what is considered appropriate.

 

Any help would be appreciated.

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Hey Buce, tough day.

 

If the flowers are from you and your wife write something about being an amazing dad and father in law. Him having patience, time, being a rock in times of difficulty and a loving father....

 

If it's from the entire family write the above with loving husband and adjectives that describe him - funny gentle or mans man, dependable trustworthy honourable etc whichever describes him best.

 

Themes around bravery, dignity and courage may ring true - most of all write something that your wife and mother in law will want to read or hear today that communicates to them that you understand their loss.

 

Tough day ahead - be a rock for them.

 

SL

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53 minutes ago, Swan Lesta said:

most of all write something that your wife and mother in law will want to read or hear today that communicates to them that you understand their loss.

 

 

This.

 

It's the people who cared most about your father-in-law who matter the most. It will only be a brief message, presumably, but I'd choose words carefully - words that you're comfortable with but that your wife, and any brothers/sisters-in-law or mother-in-law will relate to. Families and individuals all differ, but I'd be inclined to choose original words that will ring true to his closest family. I don't think any harm is done by using generic phrases, but it might mean more to closest family if they feel that some real (if brief) thought has been given as to who your father-in-law was and what particular qualities of his were recognised and appreciated by those who cared most.

 

I'm sure the day needn't be too sad and stressful, even for your wife, hopefully. Once the tense emotions of the services were over, I quite enjoyed the reception after my parents' funerals - the chance to connect to relatives and friends too rarely met, to remember happy or amusing days with the person who is gone etc.

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1 hour ago, Alf Bentley said:

 

This.

 

It's the people who cared most about your father-in-law who matter the most. It will only be a brief message, presumably, but I'd choose words carefully - words that you're comfortable with but that your wife, and any brothers/sisters-in-law or mother-in-law will relate to. Families and individuals all differ, but I'd be inclined to choose original words that will ring true to his closest family. I don't think any harm is done by using generic phrases, but it might mean more to closest family if they feel that some real (if brief) thought has been given as to who your father-in-law was and what particular qualities of his were recognised and appreciated by those who cared most.

 

I'm sure the day needn't be too sad and stressful, even for your wife, hopefully. Once the tense emotions of the services were over, I quite enjoyed the reception after my parents' funerals - the chance to connect to relatives and friends too rarely met, to remember happy or amusing days with the person who is gone etc.

Strange as it sounds, this was my experience too. The actual service is a nightmare of course but there always is a palpable sense of relief aftewards and I think people are much more relaxed aftewards.

 

 

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5 minutes ago, stripeyfox said:

Strange as it sounds, this was my experience too. The actual service is a nightmare of course but there always is a palpable sense of relief aftewards and I think people are much more relaxed aftewards.

 

 

I've always found this to be the case.

 

Recently buried one of my best friends. The service was horrendous (every thing was beautiful and just the way he would have wanted it but it was so hard to get through). However his wake was much better, it was a real celebration of his life with those who meant the most to him.

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Good luck Buce.

 

2 hours ago, Alf Bentley said:

Once the tense emotions of the services were over, I quite enjoyed the reception after my parents' funerals - the chance to connect to relatives and friends too rarely met, to remember happy or amusing days with the person who is gone etc.

Similar experience at my Grandparents' wakes. Helped that the 2005 ashes were in full swing. Didn't help that that side of the family are all Derby fans....

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My stepdads funeral was quite uplifying if that's the right worg. It wasn't a church and the 'preacher' said it was a celebration of his life. My sister in law read something  One of the songs played was One Day At A Time which was how he lived his life. Went back to my sister's for a tea and the toast to him. I menioned to my mum about the service and she understood and said he would have wanted it that way. He was always laughing and joking although he did have his moaning sessions.

Got my brother's coming up sometime. He was not religious so would not want it to be a morbid affair. I have been asked if I want to do a reading. Can't think what to say. Thought about a short poem and some messages from friends at the pub where he played poker on Mondays. It won't be for a while yet but they want to know that side of it.

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Condolences Buce and good luck today mate, similar experiences to Alf and Bov, my grandad's funeral service was difficult but the reception can be a lot more enjoyable.

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