[someone's nose hair is a millimetre offside]

VAR: DING DING DING! ATTENTION! OFFSIDE! GOAL MUST NOT STAND!

[Spurs player strangles a Man City lad in the box]

VAR: Ah f*ck it, looks fine to me *lights up a fag*

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) August 17, 2019