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Pinkman

Depression

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9 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Kin el mate, sounds like you're on the edge...

 

Working that many hours just isn't sustainable. Something will ultimately give - usually a relationship or your health (been there, done that)

 

Nobody deserves to feel under that much pressure. Remember your employer (I assume you're employed?) have a duty of care to look after your well-being. When I was where you are, I was too stubborn to ask for help and ultimately it cost me my health. If I had my time again I'd raise the white flag and admit I was struggling. 

 

What would happen if you went to your boss/line manager and told the how you were feeling? How could they help and support you better?

 

You've got to look after number 1 first mate. You're not super human FFS and your family need you around. Take care of yourself and keep us updated on things. We're all here to support you on this thread and hopefully some on here who are more wiser than me will offer you some pearls of wisdom..

Cheers mate

 

 

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51 minutes ago, srbfox said:

Cheers mate

 

 support has been offered from the employer but there are other departments that have taken priority due to other people in my role being dismissed. (Four people in the same role as me over a matter of weeks) These departments are at risk of not functioning where's mine is functioning but only due to mr putting in the hours. (I can't go into too much detail here). 

 

My position has has been advertised online while I'm still in it! I approached the employer, which isn't a wise thing to to at our place and I basically got accused of distrust! 

I'm boiling while I read your post.  It sounds like your employer is trying to squeeze every last bit of benefit from you with little or no thought to your current or future well-being while intending to replace you anyway.

 

I'm retired now but have experience with a number of different employers, some were very good but others basically couldn't give a d**n about you, you're just seen as a work unit with a value and replacement cost.

 

Many employers expect loyalty but when it comes to the crunch there is little loyalty shown towards you.  I've seen good people with many years of service to a company they considered 'family' made redundant when the company appointed a new Finance Director.  I've also seen a colleague worked so hard that he had a breakdown and eventually he lost not only his job but his family as well. That's probably made me bitter even though I wasn't one of those who lost their job or was worked to breaking point, however it focuses the mind on the principle that you should always put yourself first and your family very soon after.  It's much easier to get a new job than a new family.  

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9 hours ago, srbfox said:

I don't know if I'm depressed or not (online tests says I am). Job is on a tight rope, working 16hr days, six day weeks. Money is tighter then a nuns c%#t. Missus is going mental, threatening all sorts, kicking off just for the hell of it. 

 

I see the kids on my day but usually have my niece as well, which is great but by then i bloody knackered so the simple things become a challenge. 

 

Ive been depressed before and this doesn't feel like that, there's no sense of lose etc that I have felt before. But I am at breaking point and the only thing keeping me afloat is my little girl. 

 

Feeling the pressure a lot

 

 

You're going to be stressed regardless working those crazy hours. The main symptoms of burnout are anxiety and depression and it might be that you're suffering from that. Surely there is an alternative as 96 hours a week is probably illegal (if you're not self employed) and it's already causing aggravation on your private life. No job is worth more than your health and happiness at the end of the day.

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21 hours ago, Lionator said:

You're going to be stressed regardless working those crazy hours. The main symptoms of burnout are anxiety and depression and it might be that you're suffering from that. Surely there is an alternative as 96 hours a week is probably illegal (if you're not self employed) and it's already causing aggravation on your private life. No job is worth more than your health and happiness at the end of the day.

@srbfox please listen to @Lionator.

Mate, he's right..no job is worth your health and happiness. If you can, move jobs...anything just to give yourself some break, some respite. Cut your hours down just a little. Something...your brain is telling you to rest more. Listen to it.

One bit of advice I try to give people is this, for what it's worth. If you'd broken a leg, pulled a hamstring or just had surgery, what would you have to do? You'd have to rest it. You know with a pulled hammy, if you kept trying to run on it, you couldn't.

Its the same with the mind...sometimes you just rest it. If you keep overloading the thing, it'll give up for a bit, forcing you to rest it.

Edited by Col city fan
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On 19/07/2017 at 02:25, Crinklyfox said:

I'm boiling while I read your post.  It sounds like your employer is trying to squeeze every last bit of benefit from you with little or no thought to your current or future well-being while intending to replace you anyway.

 

I'm retired now but have experience with a number of different employers, some were very good but others basically couldn't give a d**n about you, you're just seen as a work unit with a value and replacement cost.

 

Many employers expect loyalty but when it comes to the crunch there is little loyalty shown towards you.  I've seen good people with many years of service to a company they considered 'family' made redundant when the company appointed a new Finance Director.  I've also seen a colleague worked so hard that he had a breakdown and eventually he lost not only his job but his family as well. That's probably made me bitter even though I wasn't one of those who lost their job or was worked to breaking point, however it focuses the mind on the principle that you should always put yourself first and your family very soon after.  It's much easier to get a new job than a new family.  

Totally agree. As I work in IT ive seen a lot of layoffs to extremely  hard working colleagues, outsourcing you name it. Ive been made irrelevant 3 times due to outsourcing and i busted my arse at those jobs.  Two of the times i had to train my effing replacements. Was an insult, disrespectful and just messed up. Im only 37 but learned before this that loyalty means fuk all. Ive gone past the point of working that extra mile now because I know they will abuse me and what will inevitably happen. Do my time and go home now.  The funny thing is no one complains now lol. Id also like to add that i lost my mother to colon cancer when i was 31 (she was 57) . 6 years ago on this upcoming monday. It also is a reason why i decide to not push  too hard. Life's short and you cant forget that

 

As for srbfox i echo other comments above.

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Been a while since I've been on this thread; I do read from time to time but others have articulated better responses than I could write. 

In the last few months I've been a bit up and down, particularly with irregular taking of meds, usually down to my general mood or the anxiety of running out and failing to replenish in time, which causes anxiety issues. Stupid innit. 

About 3 months ago I had the opportunity of a lifetime, to apply for a job in Cape Town as a video producer at a company I'd interned at for 2 months last year. I got through the first stage, then the next, before I was told they'd opted for someone with more experience, but I should apply again in the future. Disappointed, but determined to get more experience - opportunity for which is something that has eluded me for quite a while (hence the internship), I made my own introductory video to try and get local work and sent around quite a few places, but to no avail so far. 

Then 3 weeks ago I got an email from Cape Town, saying a new position had opened up and that they wanted me! Literally the best news ever. I was on the ultimate high - theyd offered me the job I'd been trying to get since I graduated 10 years to the day! 10 years filled with part time jobs I'd loathed at varying degrees; terminal illnesses, bereavements, unemployment, underemployment... Was finally over. I could start my new life in a job I already knew I loved, in a city I absolutely adore. 

Then on Monday, I got an email. They couldn't offer me the job because of visa technicalities. Basically South Africa needs the hiring company to prove they couldn't find a native with the same skill set (a 3 month process) which they can't make a strong enough case for, and their authorities are notoriously difficult anyway. And so it's over. And to be honest, its really ****ing hit me for six. I am utterly heartbroken. I find getting a job difficult at the worst of times - now I can't even get one when I'm literally offered the sodding job. 

This has just completely broken me and left me with a tremendous amount of pain. I have no idea what to do with myself or how to move forward. At this point I'd rather just roll over and die. I've spent most of the past 2 days in bed unable to function, unable to sleep. It's almost as if I'm in grieving, for myself or the future that looked so bright. Now I'm back at squre one, at my lowest ebb and in desperate need of an emergency holiday. 

Utterly lost.

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33 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been a while since I've been on this thread; I do read from time to time but others have articulated better responses than I could write. 

In the last few months I've been a bit up and down, particularly with irregular taking of meds, usually down to my general mood or the anxiety of running out and failing to replenish in time, which causes anxiety issues. Stupid innit. 

About 3 months ago I had the opportunity of a lifetime, to apply for a job in Cape Town as a video producer at a company I'd interned at for 2 months last year. I got through the first stage, then the next, before I was told they'd opted for someone with more experience, but I should apply again in the future. Disappointed, but determined to get more experience - opportunity for which is something that has eluded me for quite a while (hence the internship), I made my own introductory video to try and get local work and sent around quite a few places, but to no avail so far. 

Then 3 weeks ago I got an email from Cape Town, saying a new position had opened up and that they wanted me! Literally the best news ever. I was on the ultimate high - theyd offered me the job I'd been trying to get since I graduated 10 years to the day! 10 years filled with part time jobs I'd loathed at varying degrees; terminal illnesses, bereavements, unemployment, underemployment... Was finally over. I could start my new life in a job I already knew I loved, in a city I absolutely adore. 

Then on Monday, I got an email. They couldn't offer me the job because of visa technicalities. Basically South Africa needs the hiring company to prove they couldn't find a native with the same skill set (a 3 month process) which they can't make a strong enough case for, and their authorities are notoriously difficult anyway. And so it's over. And to be honest, its really ****ing hit me for six. I am utterly heartbroken. I find getting a job difficult at the worst of times - now I can't even get one when I'm literally offered the sodding job. 

This has just completely broken me and left me with a tremendous amount of pain. I have no idea what to do with myself or how to move forward. At this point I'd rather just roll over and die. I've spent most of the past 2 days in bed unable to function, unable to sleep. It's almost as if I'm in grieving, for myself or the future that looked so bright. Now I'm back at squre one, at my lowest ebb and in desperate need of an emergency holiday. 

Utterly lost.

That's a bad deal for sure. Sucks to lose out based on a technicality. Maybe you could use that story in a job interview? 

 

Hope things turn around for you mate.

 

 

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1 hour ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been a while since I've been on this thread; I do read from time to time but others have articulated better responses than I could write. 

In the last few months I've been a bit up and down, particularly with irregular taking of meds, usually down to my general mood or the anxiety of running out and failing to replenish in time, which causes anxiety issues. Stupid innit. 

About 3 months ago I had the opportunity of a lifetime, to apply for a job in Cape Town as a video producer at a company I'd interned at for 2 months last year. I got through the first stage, then the next, before I was told they'd opted for someone with more experience, but I should apply again in the future. Disappointed, but determined to get more experience - opportunity for which is something that has eluded me for quite a while (hence the internship), I made my own introductory video to try and get local work and sent around quite a few places, but to no avail so far. 

Then 3 weeks ago I got an email from Cape Town, saying a new position had opened up and that they wanted me! Literally the best news ever. I was on the ultimate high - theyd offered me the job I'd been trying to get since I graduated 10 years to the day! 10 years filled with part time jobs I'd loathed at varying degrees; terminal illnesses, bereavements, unemployment, underemployment... Was finally over. I could start my new life in a job I already knew I loved, in a city I absolutely adore. 

Then on Monday, I got an email. They couldn't offer me the job because of visa technicalities. Basically South Africa needs the hiring company to prove they couldn't find a native with the same skill set (a 3 month process) which they can't make a strong enough case for, and their authorities are notoriously difficult anyway. And so it's over. And to be honest, its really ****ing hit me for six. I am utterly heartbroken. I find getting a job difficult at the worst of times - now I can't even get one when I'm literally offered the sodding job. 

This has just completely broken me and left me with a tremendous amount of pain. I have no idea what to do with myself or how to move forward. At this point I'd rather just roll over and die. I've spent most of the past 2 days in bed unable to function, unable to sleep. It's almost as if I'm in grieving, for myself or the future that looked so bright. Now I'm back at squre one, at my lowest ebb and in desperate need of an emergency holiday. 

Utterly lost.

so sorry to read this must be Incredibly Disappointing.  On the good side your skills are obviously well regarded and desired.

 

Take a breath and chat with Docs, friends etc. Its great that they came for you.. and other great opportunities will present themselves. 

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3 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Been a while since I've been on this thread; I do read from time to time but others have articulated better responses than I could write. 

In the last few months I've been a bit up and down, particularly with irregular taking of meds, usually down to my general mood or the anxiety of running out and failing to replenish in time, which causes anxiety issues. Stupid innit. 

About 3 months ago I had the opportunity of a lifetime, to apply for a job in Cape Town as a video producer at a company I'd interned at for 2 months last year. I got through the first stage, then the next, before I was told they'd opted for someone with more experience, but I should apply again in the future. Disappointed, but determined to get more experience - opportunity for which is something that has eluded me for quite a while (hence the internship), I made my own introductory video to try and get local work and sent around quite a few places, but to no avail so far. 

Then 3 weeks ago I got an email from Cape Town, saying a new position had opened up and that they wanted me! Literally the best news ever. I was on the ultimate high - theyd offered me the job I'd been trying to get since I graduated 10 years to the day! 10 years filled with part time jobs I'd loathed at varying degrees; terminal illnesses, bereavements, unemployment, underemployment... Was finally over. I could start my new life in a job I already knew I loved, in a city I absolutely adore. 

Then on Monday, I got an email. They couldn't offer me the job because of visa technicalities. Basically South Africa needs the hiring company to prove they couldn't find a native with the same skill set (a 3 month process) which they can't make a strong enough case for, and their authorities are notoriously difficult anyway. And so it's over. And to be honest, its really ****ing hit me for six. I am utterly heartbroken. I find getting a job difficult at the worst of times - now I can't even get one when I'm literally offered the sodding job. 

This has just completely broken me and left me with a tremendous amount of pain. I have no idea what to do with myself or how to move forward. At this point I'd rather just roll over and die. I've spent most of the past 2 days in bed unable to function, unable to sleep. It's almost as if I'm in grieving, for myself or the future that looked so bright. Now I'm back at squre one, at my lowest ebb and in desperate need of an emergency holiday. 

Utterly lost.

That's a really bad break but please don't let it finish your chosen career path.  It's always easier to give up than struggle on but there's no up side in giving up.  You are grieving and it's a process and you will get through it.  You will need a number of positive experiences to overcome the huge negative one that you've had so a holiday isn't a bad idea.

 

As for your prospects - firstly, decent jobs are hard to find.  The fact that you haven't been successful in your other applications yet doesn't mean you won't be.  Also, the fact that you have been offered a position shows that you have the right qualifications, experience and personal attributes to meet an employers needs and expectations.  You may wish to consider adding to your CV to explain that you were offered a position after your internship but that the political situation meant that the employer was forced to withdraw it.  I'd also be tempted to write back to the South African employer thanking them for the job offer and very much regretting that they were forced to withdraw it due to local labour regulations, and adding that you had very much wished to join them and that if another opportunity presented itself in the future you would be interested.  You never know what may come of such an approach but I don't see a down side.  Political situations can change and that company may either find the opportunity to offer you something in the future or find a position where there are few or no locally suitable persons.

 

Hope things turn around for you.

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@urban.spaceman

 

Don't want to get your hopes up too much (partly because I don't have much of a clue here), but could there be an option to offer your services as a private contractor (i.e. Self employed), rather than as a direct employee of the company in question?

 

You'd still need a Visa and there'd be plenty of hoops to jump through, but thought I'd suggest it in case there's any merit to the idea? 

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Been battling depression for about 4 years now, was having a better day than usual but one comment from a loved one absolutely destroyed me tonight. I was having a conversation about things and the comment wasn't even that bad they just dismissed something that I don't really want to go into but it absolutely crushed my confidence and self belief. Now I'm just sat in bed obsessing over it. Sorry needed to vent

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3 hours ago, leftbackinthechangingroom said:

Been battling depression for about 4 years now, was having a better day than usual but one comment from a loved one absolutely destroyed me tonight. I was having a conversation about things and the comment wasn't even that bad they just dismissed something that I don't really want to go into but it absolutely crushed my confidence and self belief. Now I'm just sat in bed obsessing over it. Sorry needed to vent

As it's been stated, no need to be sorry. 

 

I was watching an interview with Chester Bennington from earlier this year. He was talking about how he was his own worst enemy. The battle inside his head, that space between his ears and if he wasn't keeping busy he'd just torture himself. 

 

We know how his story ended. I guess I'd like to think if he had this thread and a place to vent those thoughts, he'd still be around.

 

 

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9 hours ago, leftbackinthechangingroom said:

Been battling depression for about 4 years now, was having a better day than usual but one comment from a loved one absolutely destroyed me tonight. I was having a conversation about things and the comment wasn't even that bad they just dismissed something that I don't really want to go into but it absolutely crushed my confidence and self belief. Now I'm just sat in bed obsessing over it. Sorry needed to vent

One problem with depression is that it wears down your self-belief so that any small negative event feels like a huge pitfall.  It's difficult to put these things into their true context when you're depressed, I doubt that your loved one would have expected the degree of negative impact you've experienced.  The more someone means to you the more you feel the words from them, good or bad.  I hope that you have a better day today.

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Does anyone have any experience with bi-polar?  My wife has been diagnosed with it and it's f***ing hard to deal with. Almost gets unbearable at times but I plod on. Just wondering if anyone else has been through a similar situation and can offer any advice.

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48 minutes ago, Erinjack said:

Does anyone have any experience with bi-polar?  My wife has been diagnosed with it and it's f***ing hard to deal with. Almost gets unbearable at times but I plod on. Just wondering if anyone else has been through a similar situation and can offer any advice.

No personal experience but it's an absolute bitch of a disorder and I sympathise with your wife and yourself having to deal with, it can be very destructive in both its extremities. From what I know medication can control it but it needs to be taken as instructed. Also it's important more than anything to look after yourself, get some counselling for yourself if you can, even a couple of sessions may give you the tools to cope with your wife's illness better, you certainly don't want to become depressed yourself.

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18 minutes ago, Lionator said:

No personal experience but it's an absolute bitch of a disorder and I sympathise with your wife and yourself having to deal with, it can be very destructive in both its extremities. From what I know medication can control it but it needs to be taken as instructed. Also it's important more than anything to look after yourself, get some counselling for yourself if you can, even a couple of sessions may give you the tools to cope with your wife's illness better, you certainly don't want to become depressed yourself.

The missus keeps suggesting I get counselling but I don't know what it will achieve. I know the issue and I have to live with it. You literally never know what you will wake up to though. I can see why it's a 95% divorce rate or something like that. I'd rather talk to somebody in the same boat rather than a counsellor/doctor.

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34 minutes ago, Erinjack said:

The missus keeps suggesting I get counselling but I don't know what it will achieve. I know the issue and I have to live with it. You literally never know what you will wake up to though. I can see why it's a 95% divorce rate or something like that. I'd rather talk to somebody in the same boat rather than a counsellor/doctor.

I'd definitely look into it, you don't really know unless you try it and counsellers can be highly experienced in these sorts of cases, they'll have come into contact with people in your situation. Even by simply seeing your GP it may feel like a weight being taken off of your shoulders in the short term. It may seem hopeless but there are options for you! Plus this place is great and full of wonderful people if things get too much.

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From what I've read, counselling can be very helpful for those in need, no matter what mental health issue it is involved.

However, at the end of the day - and although it perhaps in a way seems harsh/inconsiderate saying this maybe - you'll need to find ways/methods yourself as counsellors etc won't be with you 24/7.

Counsellors are there to help and develop 'plans' and 'actions', but it's really up to the individual to use them to try and make certain situations better.

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18 minutes ago, Lionator said:

I'd definitely look into it, you don't really know unless you try it and counsellers can be highly experienced in these sorts of cases, they'll have come into contact with people in your situation. Even by simply seeing your GP it may feel like a weight being taken off of your shoulders in the short term. It may seem hopeless but there are options for you! Plus this place is great and full of wonderful people if things get too much.

Much appreciated. 

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6 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

From what I've read, counselling can be very helpful for those in need, no matter what mental health issue it is.

However, at the end of the day - and although it probably seems harsh/inconsiderate saying this maybe - you'll need to find ways/methods yourself as counsellors etc won't be with you 24/7.

Counsellors are there to help and develop 'plans' and 'actions', but it's really up to the individual to use them to try and make certain situations better.

Every case is different, I have a relatively non-complex anxiety and depression which relapses every 4/5 years, I'll get better over that time by developing techniques to deal with it. Stuff like CBT and counselling are like an education, I think once you understand whats going on with your thinking patterns, the more control you feel you have over them and it gives you the tools to start recovering. Medication works for some and not for others. It's a brutal world and I think people expect miracles, the fact is everybody's different and will react differently to the various biological and psychological treatments and like you say, you have to dig in and put the effort in yourself.

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18 hours ago, Erinjack said:

The missus keeps suggesting I get counselling but I don't know what it will achieve. I know the issue and I have to live with it. You literally never know what you will wake up to though. I can see why it's a 95% divorce rate or something like that. I'd rather talk to somebody in the same boat rather than a counsellor/doctor.

 

There are almost certainly support groups out there for people living with bipolar family members, even if it's just forums or reddits or something. 

 

Don't write off counsellors though. They're a bit like any professional, some might be toss, but most know what they're doing. They'll know a hell of a lot more about bipolar than you do at the moment and that's not a bad start. 

 

Learn as much as you can, it can be cathartic. It can also help you have a space free of judgement to just have a rant. 

 

I've just started with a therapist in private practice. Two sessions so far. First I was in bits, had me in tears four or five times, dissected my life completely artfully like she'd seen it a hundred times before. Not dismissive at all, just understanding. 

 

Second session I almost felt underwhelmed because all I did was go in and rant for a bit and she just listened. 

 

It'll be whatever you need out of it. 

 

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On 26/07/2017 at 05:20, spacemunky said:

That's a bad deal for sure. Sucks to lose out based on a technicality. Maybe you could use that story in a job interview? 

 

Hope things turn around for you mate.

 

 

 

On 26/07/2017 at 05:58, ozleicester said:

so sorry to read this must be Incredibly Disappointing.  On the good side your skills are obviously well regarded and desired.

 

Take a breath and chat with Docs, friends etc. Its great that they came for you.. and other great opportunities will present themselves. 

 

On 26/07/2017 at 08:26, Crinklyfox said:

That's a really bad break but please don't let it finish your chosen career path.  It's always easier to give up than struggle on but there's no up side in giving up.  You are grieving and it's a process and you will get through it.  You will need a number of positive experiences to overcome the huge negative one that you've had so a holiday isn't a bad idea.

 

As for your prospects - firstly, decent jobs are hard to find.  The fact that you haven't been successful in your other applications yet doesn't mean you won't be.  Also, the fact that you have been offered a position shows that you have the right qualifications, experience and personal attributes to meet an employers needs and expectations.  You may wish to consider adding to your CV to explain that you were offered a position after your internship but that the political situation meant that the employer was forced to withdraw it.  I'd also be tempted to write back to the South African employer thanking them for the job offer and very much regretting that they were forced to withdraw it due to local labour regulations, and adding that you had very much wished to join them and that if another opportunity presented itself in the future you would be interested.  You never know what may come of such an approach but I don't see a down side.  Political situations can change and that company may either find the opportunity to offer you something in the future or find a position where there are few or no locally suitable persons.

 

Hope things turn around for you.

 

On 26/07/2017 at 09:18, DJ Barry Hammond said:

 

@urban.spaceman

 

Don't want to get your hopes up too much (partly because I don't have much of a clue here), but could there be an option to offer your services as a private contractor (i.e. Self employed), rather than as a direct employee of the company in question?

 

You'd still need a Visa and there'd be plenty of hoops to jump through, but thought I'd suggest it in case there's any merit to the idea? 

Thanks for your kind words chaps. Wish I could respond directly but I still don't have the energy. Though I'm back up to about 20% which is much better than the 0.1% I was operating on the other day. Emailed the girl is been liaising with last night, having resisted the urge to lash out and spew bile for 5 days, just to thank her for her efforts and that it's beyond her control. Kinda just need to put a full stop on that dream. 

 

Planning an emergency holiday to Hong Kong for early August - just need something to look forward to and to experience a new city and culture as soon as possible. Just need to raise funds etc but that shouldn't be an issue. Hoping to recuperate and repair myself so I can come back refreshed and ready to so sort my mental health out. 

 

Anyone got any tips for HK?!

 

Cheers guys, stay strong everyone.

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How the ****ing **** do you just turn off the ****ing cortisol and adrenaline taps for just two ****ing minutes to relax and be at peace? I swear to ****ing God. 

 

I swear if your answer is mindfulness or meditation I will find you irl and bleed on your lawn. 

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