Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
Pinkman

Depression

Recommended Posts

Hi all.

 

Do you have to be a parent to call a school's SENCO and request help? My brother has in the past year or so gone through several periods of what appear like more than just 'down days.' He'll stay in bed for days, won't talk to anyone, won't reach out and it's killing me because I can't do anything. Recently found he'd be cutting himself, albeit they weren't too serious but the fact he did it is serious enough. He could snap out of it tomorrow, or it could be a week long thing, who knows but I don't know what to do. My mum is busy, she works a lot and doesn't seem to recognise the full extent of it but I'm at home a lot more and do. His Dad isn't around so I feel a sense of importance here being his older brother. He needs an operation on his back soon, which is long overdue after about a year or so of terrible back pain when he walks, which is obviously a big thing and may be causing some of this depression but I think my mum believes this feeling he has will vanish once he's had the op. I don't. He's got a whole lot on the go.

 

So I want to contact his school's SENCO for him but he's not going to have that discussion with me or my mum, he won't talk to us about how he feels or anything. Do I do it anyway? He went to a GP but they did nothing to help, absolutely nothing. He missed an appointment because he stayed in bed during his last bout and we didn't get so much as a response, great help they were.

 

So yeah, I don't really know what I'm asking. What would you do I guess? It's really difficult because I don't want to go against his back and break trust but I don't want to do nothing either because I feel like something needs to be done. This isn't just typical teenage behaviour.

 

From personal experience I'd be tempted to recommend pushing him a bit. It's what I needed but he obviously might be different, it doesn't sound like he's going to address it by himself though. Don't be overly aggressive with it or take him by surprise, I think you'll need to have a chat about your concerns and just look to reassure him that this is okay. He might be unfamiliar with the feeling or think there's a stigma about this sort of stuff.

 

I had an unhelpful GP as well and when you've had to build up to even getting out of bed to go see them and then you get knocked back with useless information and no interest it does take the wind out of you. I slumped back worse than I was before because of an uninterested, poorly trained GP so he might need dragging and if he's not confident in talking himself and you're worried they might fob him off again, maybe you could go in with him for support.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry, Ozwin.

I posted what I thought was a helpful reply, but then realised that I'd completely misread your post. Please accept my apology and ignore your email notification.

Edited by Buce
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

This is spectacularly accurate. Speaking both as a doctor and as someone who has experienced persistent depressed mood I think this is wonderful and will perhaps start to say exactly this to my patient.

I believe depression is actually a term applied to a wide range of disorders. You've got the psychiatric at one end; the sort of catastrophic chemical low mood that comes with a psychiatric disorder such as bipolar or schizoaffective disorder. At the other end and far more common is a very behavioural thing, in my opinion. For a wide variety of reasons people get into spirals of reacting negatively to an experience (sometimes hugely justifiably) and develop poor coping strategies, which lead them to miss opportunities for positivity in their life which lowers their self esteem, leading to further avoidance tactics and a continual decline.

I see a lot of depression in ED and it can be terribly sad at either end of that scale. There are a huge number of people who simply no longer have the capability to positively react to life and have developed this role of a "depressed person" and have serious problems with chronic pain, fatigue and illness. I don't mean that disparagingly, the circumstances of that decline are extremely varied. I do believe our quick fix, instant gratification society does lend itself to this form of poor coping with the harshness in life in a lot of cases but that's a very simplistic view. Recurrent deliberate self harm is often attributed to a need for control and I think that's often true but sadly I think there are a lot of people who are stuck in a cycle of fear, poor decisions and regret and desperately want to be "fixed". Fundamentally, this form of depression is extremely hard to treat.

@@Ozwin, the most important thing you can do for your brother is try to support him to understand what it is he's reacting like this to. I agree that doctors can be really terrible at treating this; partly because I don't think it's an illness as such, more a pattern of behaviour. That's why it responds so much better to interpersonal therapy. What's your relationship with him like? Is it possible for him to open up to you?

 

So true. As a paramedic I see many people who fit this picture when they are at their lowest, when they are desperately alone and unable to cope. ED is often the place they go to as there is no other mental health emergency assessment unit that is available to us on the front line.

 

I also have first hand experience of this as my daughter has Bipolar with associated Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. She has self harmed many times and recently took an overdose of her Lithium tablets which nearly ended her life. As a result she is now in a secure MHU under section 3 which is an awful place to be from an outsiders point of view, but is the only way she can get the treatment she needs.

 

My point is, I guess, that it has taken us 7 years to reach this point so' Oz, there is no quick fix. I'm not saying that your brother will go the way of my daughter but that you have to be both persistent and patient with the system as it is. Be the same with your brother, supportive, patient but persistent. He may not recognise now that you are trying to do the best for him but when resolution comes, he will.

 

Good Luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 7 months later...

Remembered this thread from a while ago.

 

I'm suffering again really badly. I'm currently spending some time in a hospital in Northamptonshire. It's voluntary at the moment.

 

Hit rock bottom, thought I'd been there before, but these are new lows.

 

My relationship broke down, we'd not long moved in together, it was her place, so I'm now homeless.

 

I'm trying to sort my shit out, but it seems pretty pointless. Thought about ending it all on Monday. I actually would have done if the police hadn't found me.

 

The break up isn't the end of the world. It's an accumulation of things over the last couple of years.

 

Really don't see a way through it this time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Depression can affect anyone and can make you feel isolated and alone. It makes you feel you can't do anything and is important that you have someone to talk to and know where you can get help. I have suffered all my life with depression and have learned to live and cope with it because it never goes away all that changes is how you deal with it

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

Remembered this thread from a while ago.

 

I'm suffering again really badly. I'm currently spending some time in a hospital in Northamptonshire. It's voluntary at the moment.

 

Hit rock bottom, thought I'd been there before, but these are new lows.

 

My relationship broke down, we'd not long moved in together, it was her place, so I'm now homeless.

 

I'm trying to sort my shit out, but it seems pretty pointless. Thought about ending it all on Monday. I actually would have done if the police hadn't found me.

 

The break up isn't the end of the world. It's an accumulation of things over the last couple of years.

 

Really don't see a way through it this time.

Hope you can get some help mate.

 

Wishing you the best.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

36 minutes ago, spacemunky said:

Hope you can get some help mate.

 

Wishing you the best.

Seconded. 

 

Hang in there, tomorrow's a new day and all that. There are people out there who want to and will help you, you just have to find what works for you. On a personal level it's good sleep and intense exercise which completely takes the edge off of anxiety and depression, it's just finding the motivation on the darker days. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Remembered this thread from a while ago.

 

I'm suffering again really badly. I'm currently spending some time in a hospital in Northamptonshire. It's voluntary at the moment.

 

Hit rock bottom, thought I'd been there before, but these are new lows.

 

My relationship broke down, we'd not long moved in together, it was her place, so I'm now homeless.

 

I'm trying to sort my shit out, but it seems pretty pointless. Thought about ending it all on Monday. I actually would have done if the police hadn't found me.

 

The break up isn't the end of the world. It's an accumulation of things over the last couple of years.

 

Really don't see a way through it this time.

Don't give up mate,  keep fighting. You never know what encouragement tomorrow might bring. Praying for you.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

24 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Thank you. I feel awful, almost like I'm attention seeking, but I don't have any family or many friends.

 

Everyone tells me to talk, but there's no one to listen.

 

This forum deserves more credit, we all have at least one thing in common and I'm trying to hang in there.

 

I don't know any of you, but it means a lot . 

 

Thank you 

 

You have friends on here, Tom, and you are one of the FT family.

 

Hang in there, bro.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

Thank you. I feel awful, almost like I'm attention seeking, but I don't have any family or many friends.

 

Everyone tells me to talk, but there's no one to listen.

 

This forum deserves more credit, we all have at least one thing in common and I'm trying to hang in there.

 

I don't know any of you, but it means a lot . 

 

Thank you 

Your GP can maybe refer you to a psychotherapist Tom. There are many skilled counsellors near you who will gladly listen to you without judgement. I had 12 sessions a few years ago and it massively helped me get my life back on track. And always remember that you support the mighty foxes, so you've got thousands of friends on here mate.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, tom27111 said:

Thank you. I feel awful, almost like I'm attention seeking, but I don't have any family or many friends.

 

Everyone tells me to talk, but there's no one to listen.

 

This forum deserves more credit, we all have at least one thing in common and I'm trying to hang in there.

 

I don't know any of you, but it means a lot . 

 

Thank you 

Keep strong Tom.Glad the FT family are of help and some people on here have given some fantastic advice.

Sounds like you have done the right thing going to hospital,and you should be proud of yourself that you've had the courage to come on here and talk to us.Thinking of you mate.

 

May 2nd 2016 Leicester became Champions of England.Never forget that date.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Thank you. I feel awful, almost like I'm attention seeking, but I don't have any family or many friends.

 

Everyone tells me to talk, but there's no one to listen.

 

This forum deserves more credit, we all have at least one thing in common and I'm trying to hang in there.

 

I don't know any of you, but it means a lot . 

 

Thank you 

Nothing wrong with asking for help, it's the first and often hardest step and doing it on here is a good place to do it. 

 

Stay strong pal.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

Thank you all. 

 

This is just a forum for a football club, but you're all such a help.

 

Thank you again.

 

I've seen a doctor tonight, on some meds and booked in for some counselling.

 

It's difficult to think that a couple of little pills will help, but I'll give it a go.

 

It all relates to a couple of years ago. My marriage broke down, I started seeing a girl a few years younger than me...she falsley accused me of rape. Police investigation dragged on for over a year whilst I was on bail. Almost killed me. They saw sense and I was never charged. Moved away to start again.

 

The relationship that just broke down probably just papered over the cracks of the underlying issues.

 

The doctor said I should've been helped 2 years ago, rather than being treated like a criminal by the police.

That is disgusting behavior by that woman and the police. To leave that hanging over you for a year is awful. The fact that you've come through all that is testament that you are man enough to get through this. Stay strong buddy and keep talking to whoever will listen.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

I should also add, as a guy who has only ever used a gp when my back has fvcked up, or a&e when I've split my head open....

 

The NHS is a wonderful thing. I've been treated with real care and dignity.

 

I think I've always been one of those people embarrassed about my mental health, but the staff here really go above and beyond.

 

Even in my position at the moment, it's very humbling.

 

Well done for speaking out Tom. As blokes we struggle with speaking out about things such as mental health. 

 

There are some great charities out there, such as CALM, who can offer support and help to anyone. I'm sure you already know about these, but even if it's someone to just speak to when you feel a bit low, give them a call. 

 

From my own experience, I was really low and depressed about a year ago. Yeah I had been struggling before, but for a few months it just hit me really bad. There would be days in which I wouldn't get out of bed and I had zero motivation to do anything. I don't know what it was that brought it on, I just couldn't shake the feeling of being useless and pointless, my mere existence just feeling completely aimless. I piled weight on and everyday would become a huge struggle for me to just do the normal everyday things in which we would all take for granted. For me I felt incredibly lonely even when I was surrounded by those that I love. 

 

A year later I have changed completely. My life has changed completely, I now work full time in a job I love and I have a reason to get up and leave the house every day. 

 

I don't know what helped me necessarily, but by speaking out you have done something incredible. The courage it takes to speak out about how you are feeling is something that is truly remarkable. I didn't speak out about how I felt, and I think maybe I could have been helped sooner. 

 

Everyone on here who has commented, (and those who haven't) think you really are an amazing person. I speak for everyone on this forum when I say, we're all just blokes sitting behind computers who would love to go for a pint with you and put the world (and LCFC) to rights. 

 

Stay strong fella. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, tom27111 said:

I should also add, as a guy who has only ever used a gp when my back has fvcked up, or a&e when I've split my head open....

 

The NHS is a wonderful thing. I've been treated with real care and dignity.

 

I think I've always been one of those people embarrassed about my mental health, but the staff here really go above and beyond.

 

Even in my position at the moment, it's very humbling.

There's a lot of good advice about depression and mental health but you mentioned being homeless, you gotta plan with that? I don't know your circs, but the last thing you wanna do is end up on the streets.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, tom27111 said:

Remembered this thread from a while ago.

 

I'm suffering again really badly. I'm currently spending some time in a hospital in Northamptonshire. It's voluntary at the moment.

 

Hit rock bottom, thought I'd been there before, but these are new lows.

 

My relationship broke down, we'd not long moved in together, it was her place, so I'm now homeless.

 

I'm trying to sort my shit out, but it seems pretty pointless. Thought about ending it all on Monday. I actually would have done if the police hadn't found me.

 

The break up isn't the end of the world. It's an accumulation of things over the last couple of years.

 

Really don't see a way through it this time.

Good luck. If a late night chat is needed give me a shout.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...