Depression

[Buce]

23 minutes ago, leicsmac said:

So...here I am, back in the UK.

 

Long story short, my marriage hit the rocks (due in large part to me screwing up) and right now I'm pretty much in shreds. Don't really have much of an idea about what I'm going to do from here as right now my head is such a mess. I've got no current issues with food on the table and a roof over my head...but I honestly don't know how I'm going to move forward - or what to.

 

Don't suppose anyone has any advice regarding someone I could see to help with at least some of this - or just some general advice/listening?

 

 

 

 

 

I can only echo what Izzy has said, Mac.

 

I'll just add that however much it doesn't feel like it right now, you will get through this, mate.

[leicsmac]

32 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Mate I’m sorry to read this. You always come across as so grounded and stable on here.

 

I’m no expert or qualified to give advice but I’ll happily listen if you fancy downloading to someone. DM me Mac if you fancy a chat.

 

And if you’re not up to it at the moment, that’s cool. You’re a top poster on here and I’m sure we’re all behind you and hope you find a way forward. 

 

Keep posting on here and keep us updated. All the best...

 

23 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

I can only echo what Izzy has said, Mac.

 

I'll just add that however much it doesn't feel like it right now, you will get through this, mate.

Thanks to both of you guys. It's been a difficult couple of weeks with many more no doubt ahead, but I've gotta go forward, right?

 

I'm thinking of making an appointment to a GP and asking for a referral to some kind of psych expert to give me a little helping hand, if only to try and make sure I don't end up in this kind of situation again.

[Izzy]

9 minutes ago, leicsmac said:

 

Thanks to both of you guys. It's been a difficult couple of weeks with many more no doubt ahead, but I've gotta go forward, right?

 

I'm thinking of making an appointment to a GP and asking for a referral to some kind of psych expert to give me a little helping hand, if only to try and make sure I don't end up in this kind of situation again.

Too right you gotta go forward. And it's also perfectly normal that you'll be going up and down the change/transition curve right now.

 

If you're thinking of making a GP appointment then I'd suggest that's your inner wisdom/intuition telling you what to do. So trust your vibes and get it booked. A little helping hand from a psych expert can't do you any more harm I wouldn't have thought?

 

I know that my own counselling/therapy was the best thing I ever did and there's many, many examples on this thread of people who have benefited from it.

 

As our learned friend Buce has said, you will get through this mate. 

[Buce]

46 minutes ago, leicsmac said:

 

Thanks to both of you guys. It's been a difficult couple of weeks with many more no doubt ahead, but I've gotta go forward, right?

 

I'm thinking of making an appointment to a GP and asking for a referral to some kind of psych expert to give me a little helping hand, if only to try and make sure I don't end up in this kind of situation again.

 

If you're in Leicester, Mac, you'll be better off paying privately if you can afford it and you want to be seen quickly. Waiting for a referral on the NHS could take some time.

 

https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/

[stripeyfox]

3 hours ago, leicsmac said:

So...here I am, back in the UK.

 

Long story short, my marriage hit the rocks (due in large part to me screwing up) and right now I'm pretty much in shreds. Don't really have much of an idea about what I'm going to do from here as right now my head is such a mess. I've got no current issues with food on the table and a roof over my head...but I honestly don't know how I'm going to move forward - or what to.

 

Don't suppose anyone has any advice regarding someone I could see to help with at least some of this - or just some general advice/listening?

 

 

 

 

Sorry to hear this mate. There's plenty of people I'm sure who can help you. Always enjoy your posts buddy.

 

 

[leicsmac]

6 hours ago, Buce said:

 

If you're in Leicester, Mac, you'll be better off paying privately if you can afford it and you want to be seen quickly. Waiting for a referral on the NHS could take some time.

 

https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/

Thanks for the link, Buce - I'll check it out.

 

5 hours ago, stripeyfox said:

Sorry to hear this mate. There's plenty of people I'm sure who can help you. Always enjoy your posts buddy.

 

 

Thanks!

 

[Foxhateram]

Major relapse at the moment. Been for two interviews this month and got knocked back on both, issues with my relationship again and genuinely feeling like I'm not good enough at anything. Feeling irritable and bluergh. 

 

Thought the better weather would help, but haven't felt myself ever since my little boy was born. Just don't ever feel like me anymore.

[Izzy]

33 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

Major relapse at the moment. Been for two interviews this month and got knocked back on both, issues with my relationship again and genuinely feeling like I'm not good enough at anything. Feeling irritable and bluergh. 

 

Thought the better weather would help, but haven't felt myself ever since my little boy was born. Just don't ever feel like me anymore.

Haven't heard from you on here for a while mate and sorry to hear you're not so good again.

 

I've mentioned a few times on here that "We are living in the feeling of our thinking - 100& of the time". The way you're feeling right now is always due to the thoughts you're having. And if you're tired, stressed and generally low, the quality of your thinking will be pretty crappy.

 

I guarantee that if you thought things like, "I'm a wonderful Dad and husband, I'm a great (Teacher is it?"), I'm grateful for x,y,z in my life" etc, etc, you'd automatically feel much better. 

 

Our default setting as humans is love, clarity, peace of mind and wellbeing - as we were when we were born. The only thing that fvcks us up is how we then think about stuff - and our thoughts aren't always to be trusted. Our thoughts are not our reality so we need to just notice them for what they are - shitty thoughts.

 

Sorry, I'm banging on again. Just remember that we are all worthwhile humans and deserve to be happy - but we need to love and forgive ourselves first.

 

Third time lucky with the interviews eh?

[Foxhateram]

1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Haven't heard from you on here for a while mate and sorry to hear you're not so good again.

 

I've mentioned a few times on here that "We are living in the feeling of our thinking - 100& of the time". The way you're feeling right now is always due to the thoughts you're having. And if you're tired, stressed and generally low, the quality of your thinking will be pretty crappy.

 

I guarantee that if you thought things like, "I'm a wonderful Dad and husband, I'm a great (Teacher is it?"), I'm grateful for x,y,z in my life" etc, etc, you'd automatically feel much better. 

 

Our default setting as humans is love, clarity, peace of mind and wellbeing - as we were when we were born. The only thing that fvcks us up is how we then think about stuff - and our thoughts aren't always to be trusted. Our thoughts are not our reality so we need to just notice them for what they are - shitty thoughts.

 

Sorry, I'm banging on again. Just remember that we are all worthwhile humans and deserve to be happy - but we need to love and forgive ourselves first.

 

Third time lucky with the interviews eh?

Cheers fella. Genuinely just a rough patch after being strong for a while. Yes I'm a teacher. Doesn't help that I'm being punched, kicked and bitten regularly at work (long story). Just need to let it all go. But no time to let it out. Lost someone quite clise to me this week too. Just too much at once. Will be fine again soon.

 

Thanks for being there. Hope you're ok? 

[CarbonVirtine]

You're good at this aincha Izzy!

 

Seriously though, your words help me. I'm aware of the effect of my own shitty thoughts and it's not always easy to not take them as the be all and end all. But you are right, they are not reality. I ought remember that.

[Izzy]

11 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

Cheers fella. Genuinely just a rough patch after being strong for a while. Yes I'm a teacher. Doesn't help that I'm being punched, kicked and bitten regularly at work (long story). Just need to let it all go. But no time to let it out. Lost someone quite clise to me this week too. Just too much at once. Will be fine again soon.

 

Thanks for being there. Hope you're ok? 

Sorry to hear you've lost someone close mate, that's always tough to deal with...

 

Work sounds difficult to say the least and I can see why you're applying for other jobs! You have my utmost respect as a teacher - I couldn't do that job for all the tea in China.

 

Interesting that you have been strong for a while before now. I would hazard a guess that feeling strong came off the back of some strong thinking. When we have strong and empowering thoughts, we feel strong and empowered (funnily enough). 

 

You will be fine again soon and you've got to cling on to that whenever you're feeling low. 

 

I'm O.K. thanks. Still have bad days where I get caught up in my thinking like everyone else, but I'm learning to manage it now. 

 

Keep posting on here mate and stay strong for your family.

[Izzy]

18 minutes ago, CarbonVirtine said:

You're good at this aincha Izzy!

 

Seriously though, your words help me. I'm aware of the effect of my own shitty thoughts and it's not always easy to not take them as the be all and end all. But you are right, they are not reality. I ought remember that.

Nah, I'm just a twat that's been depressed, read a few books and been on a few workshops to try and understand it all 

 

It's great that you're aware of the effect of your thinking. This was a real game changer for me and made me realise that our experiences of life always come from the 'Inside-Out' where we often think it's all 'Outside - In' (if that makes sense?)

 

Once I realised that my thoughts weren't my reality, everything changed. I still have loads of shitty thoughts but now try to stop myself disappearing down rabbit holes and catastrophising - those "What if...?" thoughts that never actually happen!

 

It helps me to remember that and I hope it helps you too mate 

 

P.S. I've got to be careful I don't come across as too evangelical but if you're interested in this stuff, this book was a massive eye opener for me..

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inside-Out-Revolution-Thing-Change-Forever/dp/1781800790/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526421297&sr=8-1&keywords=the+inside+out+revolution

 

 

 

Edited 15 May 2018 by Izzy Muzzett

[Countryfox]

26 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

Yes I'm a teacher ...  Doesn't help that I'm being punched, kicked and bitten regularly at work ..

 

Avoid the staff room ...   

 

You’ve been strong once ...   do it again ...   you’ll get through this ..  

[Foxhateram]

4 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Nah, I'm just a twat that's been depressed, read a few books and been on a few seminars to try and understand it all 

 

It's great that you're aware of the effect of your thinking. This was a real game changer for me and made me realise that our experiences of life always come from the 'Inside-Out' where we often think it's all 'Outside - In' (if that makes sense?)

 

Once I realised that my thoughts weren't my reality, everything changed. I still have loads of shitty thoughts but now try to stop myself disappearing down rabbit holes and catastrophising - those "What if...?" thoughts that never actually happen!

 

It helps me to remember that and I hope it helps you too mate 

 

P.S. I've got to be careful I don't come across as too evangelical but if you're interested in this stuff, this book was a massive eye opener for me..

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inside-Out-Revolution-Thing-Change-Forever/dp/1781800790/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526421297&sr=8-1&keywords=the+inside+out+revolution

 

 

 

 

 

10 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Sorry to hear you've lost someone close mate, that's always tough to deal with...

 

Work sounds difficult to say the least and I can see why you're applying for other jobs! You have my utmost respect as a teacher - I couldn't do that job for all the tea in China.

 

Interesting that you have been strong for a while before now. I would hazard a guess that feeling strong came off the back of some strong thinking. When we have strong and empowering thoughts, we feel strong and empowered (funnily enough). 

 

You will be fine again soon and you've got to cling on to that whenever you're feeling low. 

 

I'm O.K. thanks. Still have bad days where I get caught up in my thinking like everyone else, but I'm learning to manage it now. 

 

Keep posting on here mate and stay strong for your family.

Once again buddy you are amazing!!! 

 

I'm not anywhere near as down as before and I genuinely feel like this group has helped me to be stronger. 

 

I guess i just need to give myself time to reassess and get my thoughts straight.

 

Thanks again. Glad to hear you're ok. I feel like I have a lot to learn from your posts. I am genuinely so grateful for your time.

[cambridgefox]

Put my head in this thread from time to time,I’m one of the lucky ones that doesn’t suffer,but I think it’s fantastic that you can share your problems with us all and some of the posters giving advice and helping individuals is heartwarming.

proud of you all.

 

[Countryfox]

13 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Nah, I'm just a twat ..

 

 

But a lovable one ..   

 

 

 

Who tells sh1t jokes ...  

 

 

 

and helps people ....

[Izzy]

3 minutes ago, Foxhateram said:

 

Once again buddy you are amazing!!! 

 

I'm not anywhere near as down as before and I genuinely feel like this group has helped me to be stronger. 

 

I guess i just need to give myself time to reassess and get my thoughts straight.

 

Thanks again. Glad to hear you're ok. I feel like I have a lot to learn from your posts. I am genuinely so grateful for your time.

That's very kind of you mate, thanks. The group on this thread are diamonds and reading others' posts on here continues to inspire me. 

 

The bit in bold is key. We can't force ourselves to think differently or in another way. This isn't about positive thinking, mantras, affirmations or any of that shit, but it is about awareness of our thoughts and being present and in the moment.

 

We have about 40,000 thoughts a day FFS! Some are good and some are bad. The key for me is paying conscious awareness to the good ones and not giving any focus or energy to the bad ones. They soon disappear and a better one comes along to take it's place. They're the one's I shine a light on and then feel better as a result.

 

I'll get my coat now 

[Kopfkino]

On 14/05/2018 at 11:23, leicsmac said:

So...here I am, back in the UK.

 

Long story short, my marriage hit the rocks (due in large part to me screwing up) and right now I'm pretty much in shreds. Don't really have much of an idea about what I'm going to do from here as right now my head is such a mess. I've got no current issues with food on the table and a roof over my head...but I honestly don't know how I'm going to move forward - or what to.

 

Don't suppose anyone has any advice regarding someone I could see to help with at least some of this - or just some general advice/listening?

 

 

 

 

 

Really sorry to hear that Mac. For some reason I was surprised read that but ofc thats stupid because these things can happen to anyone.

 

My advice would be to drop a tab of acid but I would guess it wouldn't be heeded  Best of luck, hope you can get things sorted.

[Webbo]

On 14/05/2018 at 11:23, leicsmac said:

So...here I am, back in the UK.

 

Long story short, my marriage hit the rocks (due in large part to me screwing up) and right now I'm pretty much in shreds. Don't really have much of an idea about what I'm going to do from here as right now my head is such a mess. I've got no current issues with food on the table and a roof over my head...but I honestly don't know how I'm going to move forward - or what to.

 

Don't suppose anyone has any advice regarding someone I could see to help with at least some of this - or just some general advice/listening?

 

 

 

 

Only just seen this, I'm really sorry to hear this. You're a good guy and you deserve happiness. I'm sure things will improve for you.

[Lestagirl]

I personally don't suffer from depression but read this thread as I have a friend who does, so helpful all of you...my brother took his own life through depression and the hardest part for us to deal with apart from the loss was that he never talked to any of us...so all of you who come here and share things.. that on its own is massive.. please all keep talking. <3

[CarbonVirtine]

I had my final session today. Final only because I decided last session that today would be my last - and that's a good thing! It has helped me incredibly and I feel it's been money well spent. In fact, I don't even think about the cost. It's like when you go out for dinner and enjoy the experience so much that you don't even consider the bill, you just feel it's been worth it whatever.

 

I now feel better equipped to deal with things and ready to move on. Counselling has been like a conversation for me, nothing daunting nor heavy, and certainly something I feel I could turn to again if I needed to talk. 

 

It's been maybe 10 or 12 sessions and I learnt some stuff about myself along the way. Stuff I knew already but never realised how much of an effect it was having on me, and how it shaped and coloured my world. It's been almost like an awakening and I've gained perspective too I reckon. None of this will completely stop my bouts of anxiety and depression - though as my depression is reactive rather than clinical, I perhaps can control to some extent my reactions to the events that might trigger depression and thereby reduce it. 

 

Based on my experience, I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone. You do have to be open to get the best out of it but you don't have to feel that you need some deep seated childhood Freudian issues to go into it. Therapy is for 'normal' people too - in fact, anyone that feels they might benefit from talking.

 

Edit: I posted this before I read your post Lestagirl. I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been (and still be) awful for your family. I wanted to also pick up on the bold below... 

 

Quote

the hardest part for us to deal with apart from the loss was that he never talked to any of us

 

...it really is awful that so many suffer in silence. What are we doing so wrong (as a society) for it to be so difficult for people to talk?

Edited 17 May 2018 by CarbonVirtine

[leicsmac]

48 minutes ago, Kopfkino said:

 

Really sorry to hear that Mac. For some reason I was surprised read that but ofc thats stupid because these things can happen to anyone.

 

My advice would be to drop a tab of acid but I would guess it wouldn't be heeded  Best of luck, hope you can get things sorted.

TBH right now I'd consider anything to deal with the pain but it probably wouldn't be the best thing for me.

 

One thing I know is that I've gotta find a good way of coping with it all and trying to stop blaming myself and wondering what if.

 

44 minutes ago, Webbo said:

Only just seen this, I'm really sorry to hear this. You're a good guy and you deserve happiness. I'm sure things will improve for you.

Thanks Webs, I hope that they do.

[Finnegan]

Are you in Leicester mac? 

[leicsmac]

19 minutes ago, Finnegan said:

Are you in Leicester mac? 

Close enough Finn, Hinckley, so can get to Leicester easily enough.

[Alf Bentley]

On 14/05/2018 at 11:23, leicsmac said:

So...here I am, back in the UK.

 

Long story short, my marriage hit the rocks (due in large part to me screwing up) and right now I'm pretty much in shreds. Don't really have much of an idea about what I'm going to do from here as right now my head is such a mess. I've got no current issues with food on the table and a roof over my head...but I honestly don't know how I'm going to move forward - or what to.

 

Don't suppose anyone has any advice regarding someone I could see to help with at least some of this - or just some general advice/listening?

 

 

Only just seen this post and am sorry to hear about your tough times, Mac. If it would help you to chat or bounce thoughts off a friendly, inexpert stranger, please feel free to PM me.

My own marriage finally collapsed last year, though that was more of a long, slow sinking than a sudden hitting of the rocks, so maybe less of a shock than your situation sounds.

 

A couple of quick comments:

 

- Re. Buce's comments about NHS referrals taking a long time, I don't know the general scenario but I got referred a year ago for "moderate depression/mild anxiety" and it took about 3 months. I was then sent on a stress management course, which I didn't find terribly useful as it was mainly directed at people who regularly had depression/anxiety-type issues, whereas it was new to me and my issues had been caused by specific events. 

 

- I hesitate to comment as I obviously don't really know you, never having met you, but feel as if I know you a bit from your FT posts. You always come across as a very rational, analytical chap and I imagine you trying to assess what has happened so as to make decisions about the future. But it might be a mistake to come too quickly to a view of what's gone wrong and how you're going to move forward. Of course, I might be talking rubbish there - apologies, if so.

 

Get in touch any time if you want a jaw with someone other than close friends and family.