Depression

[Wymsey]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44647577

[lifted*fox]

I ran 15k in the heat this evening - it was brutal. Got home, cold shower, nice big blast on the vaporiser and BBQ for dinner.

 

Exercise absolutely helps. 

 

I feel a bit happier this evening. 

 

 

[stripeyfox]

49 minutes ago, lifted*fox said:

I ran 15k in the heat this evening - it was brutal. Got home, cold shower, nice big blast on the vaporiser and BBQ for dinner.

 

Exercise absolutely helps. 

 

I feel a bit happier this evening. 

 

 

That's brilliant mate. Hats off to you. People say exercise helps and I'm sure that's true but I never seem to get around to it. Probably because I'm a lazy bastard.

 

 

[lifted*fox]

Just now, stripeyfox said:

That's brilliant mate. Hats off to you. People say exercise helps and I'm sure that's true but I never seem to get around to it. Probably because I'm a lazy bastard. 

 

Thanks mate, appreciate it. 

 

I was just getting back into my running and cycling before my trip to Japan in April / May. We did so much walking for so many hours in Japan that I pulled my Achilles tendon and it took me out of action.

 

The mix of coming back from a country I'd rather be living in, to a job I hate and an injury stopping me from exercising - it's been a tough 8 weeks since that trip.

 

Tonight was the first time I've been out and man - it was just so nice to have music in my ears and nothing to think about apart from one foot in front of the other. 

 

I absolutely recommend to anyone struggling in this thread to get out and do something good for your body - it releases happy endorphins and makes you feel so much better. 

[cambridgefox]

On 27/06/2018 at 10:36, Finnegan said:

 

Let me state clearly, I'm not qualified to tell you where your depression comes from or what caused/causes it. 

 

That said, I just think your generation is one of the first to start to acknowledge mental health as a genuine issue. My grandparents (wartime folk) would never acknowledge being depressed or in any other way mentally ill. 

 

I do think it's generational but I think it's the culture of acceptance infinitely more than any substance use. 

 

Large swathes of my generation and younger generations are starting to out themselves as depressed, I don't think it's anything to do with us being more predisposed to depression for whatever cultural, chemical or environmental factors I just think it's becoming more acceptable to talk about it and get help. 

 

 

Oh and on an unrelated note, as someone that's attempted suicide - miss me with that guilt trip, "selfish", think of those you leave behind shit. I know people sometimes mean well (and sometimes don't) when they come out with it but honestly, **** off. 

 

The pain you've got to be in to be honestly considering suicide is just astronomical, completely crushing emotional agony. Anyone wanting relief from that doesn't need you adding to it by making them feel like awful human beings for wanting to end their own pain. It's their ****ing life. 

 

You should definitely reach out, definitely offer comfort and support, definitely try and talk them down and around through any means necessary, they really do need help and quite urgently. But really naff off with the "think of everyone else" guilt trip, it massively grinds my gears. 

 

 

(I'm not particularly offended, mind, Cambridge and I'm really sorry for your friend's loss, I don't mean to attack you specifically - I'm well aware your heart is in the right place and I wouldn't want to gatekeep this thread or deter anyone from offering their opinion, I'm just giving an opposite perspective from my side of the track.)

 

Firstly I’m not offended at all Finners,albeit guilty of doing exactly what I didn’t want to.

As I’ve said numerous times before I’m a lucky one,and perhaps not qualified to give advice but although a big lad,I’m also a caring one and speak from the heart rather than head sometimes.

its very hard to judge by writing it down ( especially the way I write) and the limited amount I was trying to write without boring people ,but my main point was to seek help,you never know it could help just one person.

The aftermath that I was talking about was not just for the person still here, but mainly the poor ladies suffering in silence without anyone knowing.The pain of knowing the person was mentally in so much pain,the guilt of not spotting this and trying to help( again not qualified)

You question could I have made that difference.I would never suggest it was selfish.She had her reasons and that’s that,we would rather her be here that’s all.

my friend is coping well and I know he will continue to do so.

All I was trying to do was say don’t suffer in silence.

It was going through my head for hours,whether I should tell my story and PMd someone who has admitted struggling in the past.

Perhaps in hindsight I should have kept it out of this thread and in a different one” How was your day”

Again depending on state of minds I’m aware people can read this the wrong way.Please don’t.

Feel proud of this thread and the people contributing on all sides.

Good luck to you and everyone else.?

 

 

[gw_leics772]

14 minutes ago, cambridgefox said:

Firstly I’m not offended at all Finners,albeit guilty of doing exactly what I didn’t want to.

As I’ve said numerous times before I’m a lucky one,and perhaps not qualified to give advice but although a big lad,I’m also a caring one and speak from the heart rather than head sometimes.

its very hard to judge by writing it down ( especially the way I write) and the limited amount I was trying to write without boring people ,but my main point was to seek help,you never know it could help just one person.

The aftermath that I was talking about was not just for the person still here, but mainly the poor ladies suffering in silence without anyone knowing.The pain of knowing the person was mentally in so much pain,the guilt of not spotting this and trying to help( again not qualified)

You question could I have made that difference.I would never suggest it was selfish.She had her reasons and that’s that,we would rather her be here that’s all.

my friend is coping well and I know he will continue to do so.

All I was trying to do was say don’t suffer in silence.

It was going through my head for hours,whether I should tell my story and PMd someone who has admitted struggling in the past.

Perhaps in hindsight I should have kept it out of this thread and in a different one” How was your day”

Again depending on state of minds I’m aware people can read this the wrong way.Please don’t.

Feel proud of this thread and the people contributing on all sides.

Good luck to you and everyone else.?

 

 

Glad you didn't "keep out".

 

I don't think there has ever been a more relevant place to tell tour story, and I personally think if I'd read that thread when I have been on the edge, it may have been enough to shock me back. In fact it is them kind of truths that do stop a lot of people and one person stopped makes it worthwhile.

 

A theory me and a friend had when he found a friend of his, (and this may bring some comfort) is that the person may not have been feeling that bad for a long period of time. Mine ebbs and flows but for some I genuinely believe it could be one real bad "episode" that pushed them over the edge.

 

This leaves with the most recent one I know of who one minute was blogging how great their life was, (and believable so too) and the next minute was gone.

 

I'm not for one minute saying this is true for all and obviously for every one of my examples, there is likely to be one with the reaction Finnegan had, but like I said. If it helps one person's life and saves all.of their loved ones from this hurt, then it is worth more than we could ever have hoped for.

 

Peace out people. Don't let guilt **** with your head c.f.

[cambridgefox]

1 minute ago, gw_leics772 said:

Glad you didn't "keep out".

 

I don't think there has ever been a more relevant place to tell tour story, and I personally think if I'd read that thread when I have been on the edge, it may have been enough to shock me back. In fact it is them kind of truths that do stop a lot of people and one person stopped makes it worthwhile.

 

A theory me and a friend had when he found a friend of his, (and this may bring some comfort) is that the person may not have been feeling that bad for a long period of time. Mine ebbs and flows but for some I genuinely believe it could be one real bad "episode" that pushed them over the edge.

 

This leaves with the most recent one I know of who one minute was blogging how great their life was, (and believable so too) and the next minute was gone.

 

I'm not for one minute saying this is true for all and obviously for every one of my examples, there is likely to be one with the reaction Finnegan had, but like I said. If it helps one person's life and saves all.of their loved ones from this hurt, then it is worth more than we could ever have hoped for.

 

Peace out people. Don't let guilt **** with your head c.f.

Cheers,Finners is a good lad on here and he tells it how he sees it.

Not got a problem with that,I prefer that.

Really isn’t an issue like he said in his post.

This thread is somewhere to tell it exactly how it is.

 

[joachim1965]

Never having suffered from depression it is difficult for me to fully comprehend what you guys are going through and living with, but what I do know is that this is an amazing thread with amazing people who are genuinely helping and supporting each other and for that I take my hat off to all of you. As a species, mankind can be cruel to his fellow man but it warms my heart to see a thread like this, deep respect to all of you.

[Izzy]

2 minutes ago, gw_leics772 said:

Glad you didn't "keep out".

 

I don't think there has ever been a more relevant place to tell tour story, and I personally think if I'd read that thread when I have been on the edge, it may have been enough to shock me back. In fact it is them kind of truths that do stop a lot of people and one person stopped makes it worthwhile.

 

A theory me and a friend had when he found a friend of his, (and this may bring some comfort) is that the person may not have been feeling that bad for a long period of time. Mine ebbs and flows but for some I genuinely believe it could be one real bad "episode" that pushed them over the edge.

 

This leaves with the most recent one I know of who one minute was blogging how great their life was, (and believable so too) and the next minute was gone.

 

I'm not for one minute saying this is true for all and obviously for every one of my examples, there is likely to be one with the reaction Finnegan had, but like I said. If it helps one person's life and saves all.of their loved ones from this hurt, then it is worth more than we could ever have hoped for.

 

Peace out people. Don't let guilt **** with your head c.f.

Many years ago when I worked in corporate life, I was part of a project team that I thought at the time was pretty 'tight knit'.

 

We all worked together every day for months and got to know each other quite well socially too. One of the guys on the team was called Joe and he was a few years older than me. Joe was pretty quiet and shy but a good lad and had four kids at quite an early age (all boys). He was the football coach for one of his lads teams and this seemed to keep him busy at weekends. From where we were all sat, Joe looked like he had a pretty decent life. He seemed fit and healthy and although quiet, he had a wicked sense of humour.

 

One Monday morning we all met for our weekly project meeting but Joe was absent. He hadn't rang in sick but we assumed he was ill so thought nothing more of it. The next day he didn't show and we started to wonder what was up. On the Wednesday we were all summoned to a meeting by the boss and we were all curious as to why. What happened next still haunts me to this day - nearly 20 years on. Joe had thrown himself in front of a moving train on the Sunday evening and killed himself.

 

Over the next few weeks we all tried to come to terms with it and there was a lot of sadness, frustration, guilt and anger that none of us saw it coming. We all asked each other if they'd seen or heard any 'signs' but none of us had. Personally I was angry with myself that I'd never talked to Joe at a deeper level. Our conversations were quite superficial I suppose - the usual football, beer and what's on TV kind of stuff.

 

Over time we came to accept that Joe obviously had his reasons and his demons and it was really none of our business. We learnt that we couldn't save him because we didn't know that he needed to be saved. 

 

We can all do our best to 'be there' for people to listen and provide comfort and support - if they want it. It's O.K. to say to people "Don't suffer in silence" but many people do and there's not a fat lot we can do about it. All we can do is help those who do reach out and do want help I guess...

[FoxesDeb]

I really feel like there's no point in anything at the minute. The 5 year relationship that I left my ex husband for has broken down, my job is far more stressful than I could have imagined, and my children are of the age where they really don't care if I'm here or not, and I just wonder what is the point of getting up in the morning? I haven't got enough money to do the things I'd like to do, I struggle to look after my house by myself, why do I bother? 

[lifted*fox]

17 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really feel like there's no point in anything at the minute. The 5 year relationship that I left my ex husband for has broken down, my job is far more stressful than I could have imagined, and my children are of the age where they really don't care if I'm here or not, and I just wonder what is the point of getting up in the morning? I haven't got enough money to do the things I'd like to do, I struggle to look after my house by myself, why do I bother? 

 

How old are your kids Deb? Do they know you're struggling? 

 

My Dad suffered with really severe depression - he was in therapy, really suffering. 

 

Once we knew about it we did everything we could to look out for him. It killed me to see him like that but I tried to spend time with him and help with by just being about him more.

 

It's easy in your teenage years to forget about your parents - it's a selfish, trying time for yourself so you can kinda get a bit distant. 

 

From what I know of you on here (not much, I must admit) you seem like a good, caring person (you give your time to others, IIRC?) - keep finding small reasons to get out of bed in the morning. As for your relationship - testing stuff, but I'm sure another good person will come into your life soon enough.

 

 

[Izzy]

47 minutes ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really feel like there's no point in anything at the minute. The 5 year relationship that I left my ex husband for has broken down, my job is far more stressful than I could have imagined, and my children are of the age where they really don't care if I'm here or not, and I just wonder what is the point of getting up in the morning? I haven't got enough money to do the things I'd like to do, I struggle to look after my house by myself, why do I bother? 

I can't really add much more than what Daz has already said Deb tbh. Just remember that you're well loved on here and we're all rooting for you. 

 

Whenever I have a wobble I always try to get grateful for the good things I have in life. It sometimes feels like not a lot but I do realise that I'm still luckier than most (even when I think my problems are worse than everyone elses)

 

I was a horrible teenager and my kids will be at that age soon. They already treat me like their own personal slave and I rarely get any thanks for it.

 

Hang in there Deb. I truly believe that ultimately good things come to good people and you seem like a really good person.

[gw_leics772]

3 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really feel like there's no point in anything at the minute. The 5 year relationship that I left my ex husband for has broken down, my job is far more stressful than I could have imagined, and my children are of the age where they really don't care if I'm here or not, and I just wonder what is the point of getting up in the morning? I haven't got enough money to do the things I'd like to do, I struggle to look after my house by myself, why do I bother? 

And to take the medical angle, have you been diagnosed with depression? Are you on medication? If not, should you be? If you are, do you need a dose increase? 

Not much more people can say than what has been said but this is a good thread for a well timed pick me up if you need one.

But my concern is the big one, ie your kids not caring if you're here or not. If reading between the lines, these thoughts are as dark as they could be interpreted as, whether for the first time or after a "wobble" if you are a long time sufferer.

Man cannot live on bread and water alone, and I believe depression can't be managed on talking or meds alone. It needs both.

I guess what I'm struggling to get to is, see your gp for the medication side, as well as using this place for the talking side of it.

Chin up debs. I'm quite a black and white kind of guy, and when you're head is in the right place, they CAN all be solved/taken with perspective (which is the biggest thing generally missing with depression)

Fella - knob head, we all are. Better off without him.

Job - Get a new one, boss is probably a knob head.

Kids are Definitely knob heads,and selfish ones at that. But talk them. It's not easy for others to understand as we don't really understand it ourselves.

 

I dare say you are most probably.doing better than you think you are with the house and kids,and my personal favourite 're wondering why you get up in the morning.

 

Take a duvet day, nothing bad comes from sleeping too much. You are an adult who is in charge of yourself. If you can take a day off to recharge your batteries, even if it is going back to bed after making sure the kids don't burn their cornflakes, better than 3 months off with burn out. 

[HighPeakFox]

15 hours ago, FoxesDeb said:

I really feel like there's no point in anything at the minute. The 5 year relationship that I left my ex husband for has broken down, my job is far more stressful than I could have imagined, and my children are of the age where they really don't care if I'm here or not, and I just wonder what is the point of getting up in the morning? I haven't got enough money to do the things I'd like to do, I struggle to look after my house by myself, why do I bother? 

I think it is worth knowing that an awful lot of people have days or weeks like this - I'm not going to tell you it's all ok, or that your feelings aren't valid, or offer advice that will spirit the problems away.

 

What I can say is that although (from what you said) you are physically alone right now, spiritually you aren't. Practically, that may be of no use to you at the present time, but I have taken comfort, either with people I 'know' or on this thread (a different type of knowing, I hope you'd all agree) that kindness and compassion are there, and it's ok to ask for help. Time will pass and you may feel better - nothing is forever.

Edited 1 July 2018 by HighPeakFox

[srbfox]

Been laid off today. Not the best day, going to be a tricky few weeks but HAVE to stay motivated 

[Webbo]

38 minutes ago, srbfox said:

Been laid off today. Not the best day, going to be a tricky few weeks but HAVE to stay motivated 

That's bad luck mate, sorry to hear that.

[Izzy]

48 minutes ago, srbfox said:

Been laid off today. Not the best day, going to be a tricky few weeks but HAVE to stay motivated 

Hopefully better things ultimately lie ahead for you fella. 

Good to read that you know you HAVE to stay motivated though.

It's tough. My business is on it's arse atm but I've got no choice but to stay motivated otherwise my kids will starve.

Best of luck.

[stripeyfox]

4 hours ago, srbfox said:

Been laid off today. Not the best day, going to be a tricky few weeks but HAVE to stay motivated 

That's not good mate. On a practical note, what is it that you do? Maybe someone on here knows someone who is hiring ?

 

[Costock_Fox]

4 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Hopefully better things ultimately lie ahead for you fella. 

Good to read that you know you HAVE to stay motivated though.

It's tough. My business is on it's arse atm but I've got no choice but to stay motivated otherwise my kids will starve.

Best of luck.

You got your own business mate? What do you do?

[ajthefox]

To anyone and everyone struggling, just know that continuing to post in here and/or talking to people about your struggles will help if you can manage it.

 

The acknowledgement of the struggle is as important a step as any and on here there will always be those reading, offering advice and wishing you well.

 

We might not all know each other properly but we all encounter difficulties in life, and we all need a helping hand from time to time. This is as good a place as any to vent, to ask questions, to find common ground and to find some comfort in the knowledge that there are others going through similar experiences or who have done before and have come out the other side.

 

Let yourself be sad when you need to let your emotions out, but find positivity wherever you can and keep going. 

[Izzy]

1 hour ago, Costock_Fox said:

You got your own business mate? What do you do?

Yeah I work for myself as a business coach and trainer mate. It’s a lifestyle choice really because after my previous illness and current restrictions I just don’t have the energy for a full time job any longer.

 

I love training and coaching people and I’m told I’m pretty good at it but I’m shit at all the sales and marketing required to get new business - I hate it. Most of my work is done as an associate where other people bring me in to do stuff and I pay them a % of the fee.

 

But it’s all gone very quiet atm and I’m struggling to get work because I’m crap at following up on stuff and I’m easily distracted. Being at home and ‘hanging out with myself’ too much is bad for me as I can get in a slump and down on life feeling sorry for myself.

 

Just need to get out and about more really and make an effort to meet people for coffee and a chat to keep myself busy. I do miss my old corporate job sometimes and leading a team but it is what it is.

 

Probably going through a bit of a midlife crisis too if I’m honest and not really sure what my purpose is. 

 

Anyway, still plenty to be grateful for and there’s lots of folk worse off than me so shouldn’t really complain too much 

[Costock_Fox]

1 hour ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Yeah I work for myself as a business coach and trainer mate. It’s a lifestyle choice really because after my previous illness and current restrictions I just don’t have the energy for a full time job any longer.

 

I love training and coaching people and I’m told I’m pretty good at it but I’m shit at all the sales and marketing required to get new business - I hate it. Most of my work is done as an associate where other people bring me in to do stuff and I pay them a % of the fee.

 

But it’s all gone very quiet atm and I’m struggling to get work because I’m crap at following up on stuff and I’m easily distracted. Being at home and ‘hanging out with myself’ too much is bad for me as I can get in a slump and down on life feeling sorry for myself.

 

Just need to get out and about more really and make an effort to meet people for coffee and a chat to keep myself busy. I do miss my old corporate job sometimes and leading a team but it is what it is.

 

Probably going through a bit of a midlife crisis too if I’m honest and not really sure what my purpose is. 

 

Anyway, still plenty to be grateful for and there’s lots of folk worse off than me so shouldn’t really complain too much 

Decent job though to be fair when their is work I guess. I work for a bank and have been on plenty of courses where they have brought in external trainers and they get paid a decent sum.

[Izzy]

3 hours ago, Costock_Fox said:

Decent job though to be fair when their is work I guess. I work for a bank and have been on plenty of courses where they have brought in external trainers and they get paid a decent sum.

Yeah I really can't complain too much. The work I do get is well paid so I tend to squirrel the money away during the good times to keep me going during the bad times (like now)

 

The joys of working for one's self I guess. Never knowing from month to month or week to week where the fvck you stand financially. For people like me who crave certainty its a bit of a nightmare sometimes. 

[Costock_Fox]

53 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Yeah I really can't complain too much. The work I do get is well paid so I tend to squirrel the money away during the good times to keep me going during the bad times (like now)

 

The joys of working for one's self I guess. Never knowing from month to month or week to week where the fvck you stand financially. For people like me who crave certainty its a bit of a nightmare sometimes. 

I understand that and that part must be pretty tough.

[ROB-THE-BLUE]

Hi guys. I just wanted to pop on here and thank everyone who messaged me and posted supportive comments on here recently when I was going through a tough spell. After seeing my doctor and getting my medication increased I have started to feel so much better. It may be an artificial high but I'm enjoying it for now and finding it easier to block out dark thoughts. You guys are awesome and I'm so grateful to have this thread to come to when I need it. To everyone having a rough time, please don't be afraid to vent on here, you'll get nothing but positivity and kindness.