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Pinkman

Depression

By Pinkman, in General Chat

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Tielemans63

Tielemans63

Posted
Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

@Paddy. that's absolutely brilliant and quite possibly my favourite ever post on this forum. And more power to your father for responding that way when you needed it most - I am sure you're both great guys.

Thank you mate. That means a lot, genuinely. He's usually a bit of a closed book is my dad so it meant a lot.

 

I'm really fortunate because I've got a great parents. I really feel for those who don't have that. Hopefully everyone has got someone they can turn to even if who it is isn't immediately obvious.

 

I'd put off telling either of them for years and years because I didn't want to burden them. When I said "sorry to unload all this on you Dad" he just said "If Poppy (my daughter) ever felt like this would you want her to tell you about it?" I had never thought of it like that before and obviously the answer is yes, of course I would. 

Edited by Paddy.
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HighPeakFox

HighPeakFox

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Paddy. said:

Thank you mate. That means a lot, genuinely. He's usually a bit of a closed book is my dad so it meant a lot.

 

I'm really fortunate because I've got a great parents. I really feel for those who don't have that. Hopefully everyone has got someone they can turn to even if who it is isn't immediately obvious.

 

I'd put off telling either of them for years and years because I didn't want to burden them. When I said "sorry to unload all this on you Dad" he just said "If Poppy (my daughter) ever felt like this would you want her to tell you about it?" I had never thought of it like that before.

What. A. Guy.

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Costock_Fox

Costock_Fox

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Paddy. said:

Morning boys.

 

So after I randomly opened up on here last weekend I weirdly felt a bit better. Thought I'd share what happened next with you even if it's a bit mushy. 

 

I popped over to see my folks back in Leicester on the Sunday and me and the old man took the dog for a walk. For whatever reason it all spilled out a bit (in a controlled way), I told him about how I'd been feeling and he just listened although at one point I could see him welling up a bit.

 

Anyways, when we got back to the house my dad disappears for a bit. As I'm leaving in the evening he gives me a a sheet of A4 paper. He says to read it Monday morning or whenever I'm feeling low. Basically, he'd written two sides on why he's proud of me....and this is from a guy who doesn't give much away. I didn't even know he could write lol

 

I guess I'm sharing this with you because it made me realise that a) if you're lucky enough to have people who love you unconditionally then maybe being honest with them might not be the disaster you think it might be (I've put it off for a decade lol ) and b) I was so bogged down in self-hate and regret, it was actually really liberating to hear the opposite being said of me (if that makes sense!).

 

I've still had some significant lows this week but I've kept that letter in my laptop bag and just looking at it every now and again has helped me manage the lows a bit better. My dad is the most honest bloke I've ever met which is what I tell myself when I feel my mind starting to question the positive things he has written.

 

Must have been large writing lol. Sorry just being a twat as per usual, that really is pretty cool mate, nice to hear.

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ajthefox

ajthefox

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Paddy. said:

Thank you mate. That means a lot, genuinely. He's usually a bit of a closed book is my dad so it meant a lot.

 

I'm really fortunate because I've got a great parents. I really feel for those who don't have that. Hopefully everyone has got someone they can turn to even if who it is isn't immediately obvious.

 

I'd put off telling either of them for years and years because I didn't want to burden them. When I said "sorry to unload all this on you Dad" he just said "If Poppy (my daughter) ever felt like this would you want her to tell you about it?" I had never thought of it like that before and obviously the answer is yes, of course I would. 

Lovely stuff Paddy, welled up a little reading your last couple of posts.

 

It's great to know that the thread has helped facilitate this positivity for you. 

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Lionator

Lionator

Posted
Posted
On 24/09/2018 at 18:06, Raj said:

Anyone been to a cognitive behavioural therapist???

I haven't however CBT is the most accessible and successful form of talking therapy. If you've got the opportunity then make sure you go for it! 

 

8 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

unwell again. 

 

Annoying. 

Sorry to hear that @urban.spaceman you've survived these lows before and you'll survive it again. Do what works for you in the mean time and I'm sure you'll come back stronger! 

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broughtonblue

broughtonblue

Posted
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Posted

From the heart, here goes..

Just over 3 years ago my grandad passed, we were so close he was like a brother, i lost my dog (my best friend, any dog owners will know what i mean) aged 15, i lost my job, and my wife left me after a 30 year relationship, leaving me with 2 lads and a mortgage all wthin 4 months.

To say i hit rock bottom is an understatement,  i drove along motorways looking for a bridge to crash into (until this point i never realised every bridge has an anti crash barrier in front of it) i spent hours driving round stoney cove looking for a way to drive into it. Then decided the best place to end it all was on some cliffs that hold some very emotional memories for me. My plan was to drink a bottle of whisky, take all my tablets i was on for anxiety and depression, then slit my wrists ( never knew the best way to do it is down the wrist and not across, as its far more difficult to stem the flow of blood that way) and drive off. Surely one of my actions would result in my death.

I drove up the cliffs to find the best place to do it, i never realised that before the barbed wire fence near the edge, the council had dug trenches to stop cars going over the edge. 

I parked my car and walked around to find the best place, in doing so climbing over the barbed wire. There were lots of little home made wooden crosses dedicated to previous suicide people from relatives. I sat there for a couple of hours contemplating, but one of the crosses had the message ... ' dad, why.? Just why?'

This struck a cord in my heavy heart that i had 2 lads that i couldnt leave. So i climbed back over the fence, got in my car and drove down to a viewing point half way down. I cried like a baby and was a total mess.

What i didnt know was that a member of the public had seen me sitting at the edge, and alerted the authorities. As i sat in my car i saw 4 police cars and 2 coastguard vans drive up the cliff road in my mirror.

I gave it half hour then drove back up to the top, parked and went over to a copper. I just said, 'are you looking for me?' He looked at me and said, given the description he had, he was. There were 5 coppers, 4 coastguard people at the top and 4 at the bottom all lookìng for me. 

I was told to sit in the back of the police car where i was interviewed,  questioned and to be fair to them, sympathetically listened to my story. I was eventually allowed to drive to a station, followed by the officers where again i was interviewed by social workers. 

After convincing them that the reason i hadnt done what i wanted to was because i couldnt make my own lads go to my funeral i was allowed to leave. I drove to my friends house, followed by police to make sure i got there. I was then sat down with the police and friends and told the social services would ring me every 2 hours to check i was ok. 

Lowest time of my life. 

3 years on im sort of ok, still have bad days where the thought of getting up out of bed is daunting, but these says are monthly rather than daily. 

What got me to where i am now is counselling,  spilling your story to a trained professional who doesnt judge was fabulous, they seem to lead you on a path that you are not aware off. 

I dont think the tablets were helping so took myself off them,  although im not advocating this for anyone else. I also tried CBT therapy but didnt get on with it. 

Just relaying this so others know there is a way back, although painful and slow. I still get to hug and kiss my kids, and i also saw us win the premier league !!

 

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Costock_Fox

Costock_Fox

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, broughtonblue said:

From the heart, here goes..

Just over 3 years ago my grandad passed, we were so close he was like a brother, i lost my dog (my best friend, any dog owners will know what i mean) aged 15, i lost my job, and my wife left me after a 30 year relationship, leaving me with 2 lads and a mortgage all wthin 4 months.

To say i hit rock bottom is an understatement,  i drove along motorways looking for a bridge to crash into (until this point i never realised every bridge has an anti crash barrier in front of it) i spent hours driving round stoney cove looking for a way to drive into it. Then decided the best place to end it all was on some cliffs that hold some very emotional memories for me. My plan was to drink a bottle of whisky, take all my tablets i was on for anxiety and depression, then slit my wrists ( never knew the best way to do it is down the wrist and not across, as its far more difficult to stem the flow of blood that way) and drive off. Surely one of my actions would result in my death.

I drove up the cliffs to find the best place to do it, i never realised that before the barbed wire fence near the edge, the council had dug trenches to stop cars going over the edge. 

I parked my car and walked around to find the best place, in doing so climbing over the barbed wire. There were lots of little home made wooden crosses dedicated to previous suicide people from relatives. I sat there for a couple of hours contemplating, but one of the crosses had the message ... ' dad, why.? Just why?'

This struck a cord in my heavy heart that i had 2 lads that i couldnt leave. So i climbed back over the fence, got in my car and drove down to a viewing point half way down. I cried like a baby and was a total mess.

What i didnt know was that a member of the public had seen me sitting at the edge, and alerted the authorities. As i sat in my car i saw 4 police cars and 2 coastguard vans drive up the cliff road in my mirror.

I gave it half hour then drove back up to the top, parked and went over to a copper. I just said, 'are you looking for me?' He looked at me and said, given the description he had, he was. There were 5 coppers, 4 coastguard people at the top and 4 at the bottom all lookìng for me. 

I was told to sit in the back of the police car where i was interviewed,  questioned and to be fair to them, sympathetically listened to my story. I was eventually allowed to drive to a station, followed by the officers where again i was interviewed by social workers. 

After convincing them that the reason i hadnt done what i wanted to was because i couldnt make my own lads go to my funeral i was allowed to leave. I drove to my friends house, followed by police to make sure i got there. I was then sat down with the police and friends and told the social services would ring me every 2 hours to check i was ok. 

Lowest time of my life. 

3 years on im sort of ok, still have bad days where the thought of getting up out of bed is daunting, but these says are monthly rather than daily. 

What got me to where i am now is counselling,  spilling your story to a trained professional who doesnt judge was fabulous, they seem to lead you on a path that you are not aware off. 

I dont think the tablets were helping so took myself off them,  although im not advocating this for anyone else. I also tried CBT therapy but didnt get on with it. 

Just relaying this so others know there is a way back, although painful and slow. I still get to hug and kiss my kids, and i also saw us win the premier league !!

 

Sad story but I’m glad you changed your mind. So rough for all of them things to happen in a short space of time and I think that would be incredibly tough for anyone.

 

Thanks for sharing.

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stripeyfox

stripeyfox

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, broughtonblue said:

From the heart, here goes..

Just over 3 years ago my grandad passed, we were so close he was like a brother, i lost my dog (my best friend, any dog owners will know what i mean) aged 15, i lost my job, and my wife left me after a 30 year relationship, leaving me with 2 lads and a mortgage all wthin 4 months.

To say i hit rock bottom is an understatement,  i drove along motorways looking for a bridge to crash into (until this point i never realised every bridge has an anti crash barrier in front of it) i spent hours driving round stoney cove looking for a way to drive into it. Then decided the best place to end it all was on some cliffs that hold some very emotional memories for me. My plan was to drink a bottle of whisky, take all my tablets i was on for anxiety and depression, then slit my wrists ( never knew the best way to do it is down the wrist and not across, as its far more difficult to stem the flow of blood that way) and drive off. Surely one of my actions would result in my death.

I drove up the cliffs to find the best place to do it, i never realised that before the barbed wire fence near the edge, the council had dug trenches to stop cars going over the edge. 

I parked my car and walked around to find the best place, in doing so climbing over the barbed wire. There were lots of little home made wooden crosses dedicated to previous suicide people from relatives. I sat there for a couple of hours contemplating, but one of the crosses had the message ... ' dad, why.? Just why?'

This struck a cord in my heavy heart that i had 2 lads that i couldnt leave. So i climbed back over the fence, got in my car and drove down to a viewing point half way down. I cried like a baby and was a total mess.

What i didnt know was that a member of the public had seen me sitting at the edge, and alerted the authorities. As i sat in my car i saw 4 police cars and 2 coastguard vans drive up the cliff road in my mirror.

I gave it half hour then drove back up to the top, parked and went over to a copper. I just said, 'are you looking for me?' He looked at me and said, given the description he had, he was. There were 5 coppers, 4 coastguard people at the top and 4 at the bottom all lookìng for me. 

I was told to sit in the back of the police car where i was interviewed,  questioned and to be fair to them, sympathetically listened to my story. I was eventually allowed to drive to a station, followed by the officers where again i was interviewed by social workers. 

After convincing them that the reason i hadnt done what i wanted to was because i couldnt make my own lads go to my funeral i was allowed to leave. I drove to my friends house, followed by police to make sure i got there. I was then sat down with the police and friends and told the social services would ring me every 2 hours to check i was ok. 

Lowest time of my life. 

3 years on im sort of ok, still have bad days where the thought of getting up out of bed is daunting, but these says are monthly rather than daily. 

What got me to where i am now is counselling,  spilling your story to a trained professional who doesnt judge was fabulous, they seem to lead you on a path that you are not aware off. 

I dont think the tablets were helping so took myself off them,  although im not advocating this for anyone else. I also tried CBT therapy but didnt get on with it. 

Just relaying this so others know there is a way back, although painful and slow. I still get to hug and kiss my kids, and i also saw us win the premier league !!

 

Wow

Thanks for sharing this mate. I cannot imagine how you must have been feeling. That's a lot of shit to deal with in a short period of time so no wonder you were lost. 

 

Amazing that a combination of seeing the memorials to others and that member of the public "pulled you back". 

 

And your sharing of this experience will help others

 

I wish you all the best my friend

 

 

 

 

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
On 29/09/2018 at 23:43, broughtonblue said:

From the heart, here goes..

Just over 3 years ago my grandad passed, we were so close he was like a brother, i lost my dog (my best friend, any dog owners will know what i mean) aged 15, i lost my job, and my wife left me after a 30 year relationship, leaving me with 2 lads and a mortgage all wthin 4 months.

To say i hit rock bottom is an understatement,  i drove along motorways looking for a bridge to crash into (until this point i never realised every bridge has an anti crash barrier in front of it) i spent hours driving round stoney cove looking for a way to drive into it. Then decided the best place to end it all was on some cliffs that hold some very emotional memories for me. My plan was to drink a bottle of whisky, take all my tablets i was on for anxiety and depression, then slit my wrists ( never knew the best way to do it is down the wrist and not across, as its far more difficult to stem the flow of blood that way) and drive off. Surely one of my actions would result in my death.

I drove up the cliffs to find the best place to do it, i never realised that before the barbed wire fence near the edge, the council had dug trenches to stop cars going over the edge. 

I parked my car and walked around to find the best place, in doing so climbing over the barbed wire. There were lots of little home made wooden crosses dedicated to previous suicide people from relatives. I sat there for a couple of hours contemplating, but one of the crosses had the message ... ' dad, why.? Just why?'

This struck a cord in my heavy heart that i had 2 lads that i couldnt leave. So i climbed back over the fence, got in my car and drove down to a viewing point half way down. I cried like a baby and was a total mess.

What i didnt know was that a member of the public had seen me sitting at the edge, and alerted the authorities. As i sat in my car i saw 4 police cars and 2 coastguard vans drive up the cliff road in my mirror.

I gave it half hour then drove back up to the top, parked and went over to a copper. I just said, 'are you looking for me?' He looked at me and said, given the description he had, he was. There were 5 coppers, 4 coastguard people at the top and 4 at the bottom all lookìng for me. 

I was told to sit in the back of the police car where i was interviewed,  questioned and to be fair to them, sympathetically listened to my story. I was eventually allowed to drive to a station, followed by the officers where again i was interviewed by social workers. 

After convincing them that the reason i hadnt done what i wanted to was because i couldnt make my own lads go to my funeral i was allowed to leave. I drove to my friends house, followed by police to make sure i got there. I was then sat down with the police and friends and told the social services would ring me every 2 hours to check i was ok. 

Lowest time of my life. 

3 years on im sort of ok, still have bad days where the thought of getting up out of bed is daunting, but these says are monthly rather than daily. 

What got me to where i am now is counselling,  spilling your story to a trained professional who doesnt judge was fabulous, they seem to lead you on a path that you are not aware off. 

I dont think the tablets were helping so took myself off them,  although im not advocating this for anyone else. I also tried CBT therapy but didnt get on with it. 

Just relaying this so others know there is a way back, although painful and slow. I still get to hug and kiss my kids, and i also saw us win the premier league !!

 

 

That was a truly heartbreaking read, mate. 

 

Well done for turning it around. 

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urban.spaceman

urban.spaceman

Posted
Posted
On 29/09/2018 at 23:43, broughtonblue said:

From the heart, here goes..

Just over 3 years ago my grandad passed, we were so close he was like a brother, i lost my dog (my best friend, any dog owners will know what i mean) aged 15, i lost my job, and my wife left me after a 30 year relationship, leaving me with 2 lads and a mortgage all wthin 4 months.

To say i hit rock bottom is an understatement,  i drove along motorways looking for a bridge to crash into (until this point i never realised every bridge has an anti crash barrier in front of it) i spent hours driving round stoney cove looking for a way to drive into it. Then decided the best place to end it all was on some cliffs that hold some very emotional memories for me. My plan was to drink a bottle of whisky, take all my tablets i was on for anxiety and depression, then slit my wrists ( never knew the best way to do it is down the wrist and not across, as its far more difficult to stem the flow of blood that way) and drive off. Surely one of my actions would result in my death.

I drove up the cliffs to find the best place to do it, i never realised that before the barbed wire fence near the edge, the council had dug trenches to stop cars going over the edge. 

I parked my car and walked around to find the best place, in doing so climbing over the barbed wire. There were lots of little home made wooden crosses dedicated to previous suicide people from relatives. I sat there for a couple of hours contemplating, but one of the crosses had the message ... ' dad, why.? Just why?'

This struck a cord in my heavy heart that i had 2 lads that i couldnt leave. So i climbed back over the fence, got in my car and drove down to a viewing point half way down. I cried like a baby and was a total mess.

What i didnt know was that a member of the public had seen me sitting at the edge, and alerted the authorities. As i sat in my car i saw 4 police cars and 2 coastguard vans drive up the cliff road in my mirror.

I gave it half hour then drove back up to the top, parked and went over to a copper. I just said, 'are you looking for me?' He looked at me and said, given the description he had, he was. There were 5 coppers, 4 coastguard people at the top and 4 at the bottom all lookìng for me. 

I was told to sit in the back of the police car where i was interviewed,  questioned and to be fair to them, sympathetically listened to my story. I was eventually allowed to drive to a station, followed by the officers where again i was interviewed by social workers. 

After convincing them that the reason i hadnt done what i wanted to was because i couldnt make my own lads go to my funeral i was allowed to leave. I drove to my friends house, followed by police to make sure i got there. I was then sat down with the police and friends and told the social services would ring me every 2 hours to check i was ok. 

Lowest time of my life. 

3 years on im sort of ok, still have bad days where the thought of getting up out of bed is daunting, but these says are monthly rather than daily. 

What got me to where i am now is counselling,  spilling your story to a trained professional who doesnt judge was fabulous, they seem to lead you on a path that you are not aware off. 

I dont think the tablets were helping so took myself off them,  although im not advocating this for anyone else. I also tried CBT therapy but didnt get on with it. 

Just relaying this so others know there is a way back, although painful and slow. I still get to hug and kiss my kids, and i also saw us win the premier league !!

 

Harrowing story but I'm glad you changed your mind mate!

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Decided I'm doing "Sober October" or "Octsober" or "Stoptober" or whatever you want to call it. No alcohol whatsoever, and I'm not telling anyone about it because they'll make it a thing.

Good on ya mate :thumbup:

 

I did it last year and by the end of October I figured I didn't need a drink so stayed sober over Xmas and New Year (I was in hospital anyway so that helped ;))

 

By the spring I didn't miss it anymore and I've stayed off it ever since - so a year and a day now :)

 

I hope you feel better both physically and mentally for knocking the booze on the head for a bit.

 

Good luck!

 

Edited by Izzy Muzzett
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Suzie the Fox

Suzie the Fox

Posted
Posted
19 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Decided I'm doing "Sober October" or "Octsober" or "Stoptober" or whatever you want to call it. No alcohol whatsoever, and I'm not telling anyone about it because they'll make it a thing.

 

3 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Good on ya mate :thumbup:

 

I did it last year and by the end of October I figured I didn't need a drink so stayed sober over Xmas and New Year (I was in hospital anyway so that helped ;))

 

By the spring I didn't miss it anymore and I've stayed off it ever since - so a year and a day now :)

 

I hope you feel better both physically and mentally for knocking the booze on he head for a bit.

 

Good luck!

 

Thought about doing this myself this year, basically to see if i could do it. 

 

Just realised its the 2nd October already and i downed a bottle of red last night :S 

 

Maybe next year? 

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, Suzie the Fox said:

 

Thought about doing this myself this year, basically to see if i could do it. 

 

Just realised its the 2nd October already and i downed a bottle of red last night :S 

 

Maybe next year? 

Just start it from today instead Suze, nobody minds :)

 

Another years a long time to wait!! 

 

Just imagine how much better you could feel if you knock it on the head for the next 30 days (and how much money you’ll save!)

Edited by Izzy Muzzett
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