Depression

[Captain...]

On 04/12/2018 at 16:51, Shane said:

Firstly, a quick thank you to Leicester City for the 15/16 season and CL run which gave me the happiest memories of my life.

 

Anyway reality struck me recently, a reality I’ve been hiding from. A letter from student finance outlining I have £41,000 in student loan debt still to be paid. This has tipped me over the edge.

 

I never wanted to go to University, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at aged 18, I still felt like a kid. I was young, foolish and was talked into it by teachers and my parents. I just wanted to make them happy, so I went.

 

Now I feel more depressed then ever, lost, hopeless, wondering where does it all end. A 41,00 pound bill before even saving for things like a car, a house, or living the life I want like going travelling or starting my own business. 

 

I saved £10,000 this year but it feels like nothing in comparison to the above and the end goal feels like a distant dream. I’ve been unemployed since September, with no willpower and struggling to sleep. 

 

Been lurking this thread for a while and felt this was the best place to let it all out because I’m not in a good place right now. 

Having £10,000 in your savings account is massive, everyone you went to university with will have student loan of a similar size, but I can guarantee most of them will not have anything like £10,000 saved up. I know plenty of people much older than you that are incapable of saving that amount.

 

If you want to go traveling then as  others have said it seems like a good time, depending on where you go it will help put things  in perspective, give you a new outlook on life and focus on what is important, or it will give you a nice tan, borderline liver failure and friends for life. It isn't an answer to any of your problems and it isn't an escape from money worries and stress, just a different kind of money worries and stress. Sometimes it can be even more stressful than staying put, or it might even throw up so many more options that  you come back more confused than when you left (when I was travelling I went through wanting to be a scuba instructor, to owning a hostel, to working for the department for international development in the end I would back in the same industry I had left, but that's life). 

[HighPeakFox]

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge what you said @Xen. Recognition is a big part of recovery, and you sound as though you know yourself well. My big struggle is my lack of constructive outlet - when the black dog descends, I withdraw and stop wanting to be seen. I'm finding the world a frightening place right now, and nothing feels safe. 

[Xen]

42 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge what you said @Xen. Recognition is a big part of recovery, and you sound as though you know yourself well. My big struggle is my lack of constructive outlet - when the black dog descends, I withdraw and stop wanting to be seen. I'm finding the world a frightening place right now, and nothing feels safe. 

Thanks mate.

 

It's difficult, and I'd love to say I'm getting better at dealing with it but - aside from my running - I'm really not. Good habits are hard to make stick, and bad ones are easy to slip back into. I've got a terribly short temper at times and that combined with everything else seems to spiral things.

 

I used to believe that depression was about feeling sad/upset, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Apathy and loneliness seem much better descriptors, and yet I have the same response as you; withdrawing away and isolating myself. A vicious cycle.

 

 

 

[HighPeakFox]

32 minutes ago, Xen said:

Thanks mate.

 

It's difficult, and I'd love to say I'm getting better at dealing with it but - aside from my running - I'm really not. Good habits are hard to make stick, and bad ones are easy to slip back into. I've got a terribly short temper at times and that combined with everything else seems to spiral things.

 

I used to believe that depression was about feeling sad/upset, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Apathy and loneliness seem much better descriptors, and yet I have the same response as you; withdrawing away and isolating myself. A vicious cycle.

 

 

 

Wise words. I don't have the short temper, but I do sometimes lose the will to live, and just survive desperately at times. 

[Countryfox]

52 minutes ago, Xen said:

Thanks mate.

 

It's difficult, and I'd love to say I'm getting better at dealing with it but - aside from my running - I'm really not. Good habits are hard to make stick, and bad ones are easy to slip back into. I've got a terribly short temper at times and that combined with everything else seems to spiral things.

 

I used to believe that depression was about feeling sad/upset, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Apathy and loneliness seem much better descriptors, and yet I have the same response as you; withdrawing away and isolating myself. A vicious cycle.

 

 

 

 

28 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Wise words. I don't have the short temper, but I do sometimes lose the will to live, and just survive desperately at times. 

 

You too ought to meet up ...     You're not a million miles apart geographically.          And I'm not being flippant.

[urban.spaceman]

I’ve said this before - depression (and anxiety) is far from just a mental illness - it’s physical too. It affects every fibre of your being, the way you hold or present yourself, your ability to do things. It saps your energy levels and oftentimes is exhausting.  And it ****s up your sleeping pattern too.

[Rain King]

1 hour ago, urban.spaceman said:

I’ve said this before - depression (and anxiety) is far from just a mental illness - it’s physical too. It affects every fibre of your being, the way you hold or present yourself, your ability to do things. It saps your energy levels and oftentimes is exhausting.  And it ****s up your sleeping pattern too.

Too true. First time I've posted in here but struggling massively at the moment, have done on and off for around 10 years. Have been signed off work this morning for two weeks.

[urban.spaceman]

19 minutes ago, pds said:

Too true. First time I've posted in here but struggling massively at the moment, have done on and off for around 10 years. Have been signed off work this morning for two weeks.

Sorry to read that mate. Hope you can uses the next couple of weeks to recover in your own way.

[ajthefox]

I don't really have any wise words to contribute at the minute but I just want to let @pds, @HighPeakFox, @Xen and anyone else who is struggling right now know that you have been heard, that there will always be space here to let it out and that you are not alone. Sending positive vibes to all of you.

[Crinklyfox]

20 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge what you said @Xen. Recognition is a big part of recovery, and you sound as though you know yourself well. My big struggle is my lack of constructive outlet - when the black dog descends, I withdraw and stop wanting to be seen. I'm finding the world a frightening place right now, and nothing feels safe. 

 

18 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

I’ve said this before - depression (and anxiety) is far from just a mental illness - it’s physical too. It affects every fibre of your being, the way you hold or present yourself, your ability to do things. It saps your energy levels and oftentimes is exhausting.  And it ****s up your sleeping pattern too.

 

16 hours ago, pds said:

Too true. First time I've posted in here but struggling massively at the moment, have done on and off for around 10 years. Have been signed off work this morning for two weeks.

I can relate my own experiences of depression to all these posts.  Depression can be overcome but it doesn't die, it's always there waiting and you just have to be prepared to battle it again when it strikes.

 

I think of depression as an enemy - that voice in my head that tells me I'm useless, that I have nothing to live for, that I shouldn't bother trying to do anything because what's the point.  That's the sickness for me, it's real but it's also unrealistic.  It's a warped view caused by bad thinking, which itself can be a physiological result of depression which needs medication to overcome.  When it strikes I tell myself that I've had better times and will again - if I look at my life as a whole I've spent a small percentage of it depressed and been able to enjoy the rest.  No reason why that should change now.  And I tell myself that if I had a friend who thought as little of themselves as I felt when depressed I would try to reassure them that what they were thinking simply wasn't reality.  We may have ups and downs but we all have value.

 

It's hard to raise the enthusiasm to do anything when depression strikes, so I try to set myself very modest goals like going for a walk for half an hour or so.  The breaking of the monotony and the grip of inactivity can be uplifting and give me the spur to do other things.  Depression retreats for my when I have a sense of purpose, goals and the satisfaction that comes from achieving them.  Give it a try, what do you have to lose?

 

 

[gw_leics772]

From facebook

Did you know that if you text HOME to 741741 when you are feeling depressed or suicidal, a crisis worker will text you back immediately and will continue to text with you? Many people, especially younger ones, don't like talking over the phone and would feel more comfortable texting. This is a free service for anyone - if you would like to join me in raising awareness, please copy and paste this.
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??‍♀️It takes just a copy and a paste!

[Guest]

On 04/12/2018 at 16:51, Shane said:

Firstly, a quick thank you to Leicester City for the 15/16 season and CL run which gave me the happiest memories of my life.

 

Anyway reality struck me recently, a reality I’ve been hiding from. A letter from student finance outlining I have £41,000 in student loan debt still to be paid. This has tipped me over the edge.

 

I never wanted to go to University, I didn’t know what I wanted to do at aged 18, I still felt like a kid. I was young, foolish and was talked into it by teachers and my parents. I just wanted to make them happy, so I went.

 

Now I feel more depressed then ever, lost, hopeless, wondering where does it all end. A 41,00 pound bill before even saving for things like a car, a house, or living the life I want like going travelling or starting my own business. 

 

I saved £10,000 this year but it feels like nothing in comparison to the above and the end goal feels like a distant dream. I’ve been unemployed since September, with no willpower and struggling to sleep. 

 

Been lurking this thread for a while and felt this was the best place to let it all out because I’m not in a good place right now. 

From one Shane to another.

 

Try and think about the student finance figure as the future % of earnings that it will be - rather than an albatross around your neck. Unless you earn above x amount you dont pay anything and if you are earning above x amount you are doing pretty well so chipping away at it isn't too harsh a deal. It's not like they'll send the heavies round it's just an automatic small increment of wages above a set amount earned. 

 

You've done brilliantly to save £10,000 and deserve a lot of credit for that  Think of it as your safety net. When you're in a better place and in a job you enjoy, you can add to it and kick on.

 

Try and get yourself mentally well first and foremost before worrying too much about travel, work or business. Now this isn't something I am very good at myself at all because I suffer severe depression myself and move from episode to episode but your friends, family and medical professionals will be able to assist. 

 

Take care.

 

Shane

[RumbleFox]

On 10/12/2018 at 12:34, HighPeakFox said:

First of all, I'd like to acknowledge what you said @Xen. Recognition is a big part of recovery, and you sound as though you know yourself well. My big struggle is my lack of constructive outlet - when the black dog descends, I withdraw and stop wanting to be seen. I'm finding the world a frightening place right now, and nothing feels safe. 

First time I have ever rad this thread.  Some really great, honest posts.  Well done for saying all that.  I know forums are anonymous but it still takes a lot of courage to talk about such personal things.  As someone with a family full of depressive tendencies I find this kind of chat really important.  Especially in the "macho" world of football.  X

[urban.spaceman]

Weird week.

 

Told you all about my quandary last week; I was supposed to be meeting this “pushy parent” of an autistic kid I had been railroaded into possibly caring for, which I didn’t really want to take on. 

 

I eventually agreed with the family friend that I’d meet the mother last Thursday without the family friend - which I was already apprehensive about as I’d be more vulnerable to their pushiness. Luckily I came down with a cold on Thursday afternoon and managed to use it as an excuse to postpone until I was better. I was genuinely unwell with depression and anxiety, as well as sleep deprivation; with the house to myself for the weekend I looked upon it as a chance to block out the world and recover by myself. 

 

This pushy parent called me 11 times and sent 17 messages. Even worse, I chose to work with my normal autistic kid on Saturday as I need the money - and when I was driving he answered one of the calls! I had to quickly hang up, mainly because it was interrupting his music and would set him off. I continued to ignore the calls and spent most of Sunday in bed. 

 

Sunday evening comes around and we have a family dinner. I get into an argument with my entire family with each of them pressuring me to take this job, refusing to listen to my misgivings and basically reminding me that my life is shite. They refuse to accept that they’re ganging up on me when they are literally ganging up on me. This spills onto the Monday, after I’d spoken to the family friend who essentially vindicated literally all of my feelings about this situation. That wasn’t enough for 2/3 of the family who just continued the dark cloud feeling in the house. 

 

I’d been desperately looking forward to going to Dublin from Thursday (today), but hadn’t quite booked it. I organised with the family friend to meet this woman on Thursday, so I pushed booking the holiday back again. This made the family chill a bit too, and put my mind at rest a bit more. 

 

On Tuesday however, I spent about 3 hours chatting with one of my oldest mates round her house. She just let me talk. And she was totally on my side. And ever since I’ve just felt so much better for it. She suggested waiting till New Years to go away, which I was happy with. I was actually looking forward to meeting this pushy mother and the autistic kid this afternoon, confident that I could exert some control over the situation and stand up for myself. 

 

Then today she’s ****ing cancelled and demanded we reorganise for next week! I mean, I’m chilled; 3 days ago it probably would have had me in tears. I’m just annoyed about the whole thing as I could currently be sitting in a pub next to Liffey with a pint of the black stuff just being totally relaxed. I’m kind of relieved though, and have resolved to firmly turn it down whenever I do get to meet this woman. Her pushy behaviour bordered on harassment last week and I really don’t need that shite. 

 

I guess the point of this post is to help anyone who’s struggling - and myself at some point in the future - remember that, however shite it is now you might feel now, however hopeless, anxious, sad, lonely, dark, depressed or even suicidal; in just a few days or hours time you might feel 10 times better. Don’t give up hope. 

 

X

[Countryfox]

3 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

 

 

remember that, however shite it is now you might feel now, however hopeless, anxious, sad, lonely, dark, depressed or even suicidal; in just a few days or hours time you might feel 10 times better. Don’t give up hope. 

 

 

 

Great thought to hold onto ! ..   

[egg_fried_rice]

@urban.spaceman as these are your words, please just text her 'your

pushy behaviour bordered on harassment last week and I really don’t need that shite.' then block her number.

 

She is taking the piss. You owe her nothing. Don't waste your time meeting  up. Then get yer sen off to Dublin asap and indulge in a pint or ten of the black stuff. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better than before though.

 

I've been dealing with entitled bellends at work all week and along with the usual feckless colleagues it's wearing me down. My body/brain has taken to waking me up in the middle of the night now despite the fact I'm eating and exercising well and sticking to a regular meditation practice. This constant irritability usually leads to a bit of an episode but I'm trying not to let it beat me. The Christmas break can't come soon enough.

 

[Xen]

1 hour ago, urban.spaceman said:

This pushy parent called me 11 times and sent 17 messages.

[...]

Her pushy behaviour bordered on harassment last week and I really don’t need that shite. 

That is harassment - nothing borderline about it.

Glad to hear you've resolved to turn her down, but as @egg_fried_rice said, don't even give her the courtesy of meeting with her. She'll only use that as an excuse to continue/escalate the abuse, and nobody deserves that. Especially not you as it seems you've been genuinely considerate and attempted to be accomodating throughout this ordeal.

 

Your mate from Tuesday sounds like a true friend, I'm glad she was able to give you the support you needed.

[HighPeakFox]

I dare not look in the main forum - it is not a safe place to be right now, for me anyway.

[Father Ted]

Claude Puel makes me depressed

[HighPeakFox]

4 minutes ago, Father Ted said:

Claude Puel makes me depressed

Take it elsewhere, don't pollute this thread.

[Father Ted]

4 minutes ago, HighPeakFox said:

Take it elsewhere, don't pollute this thread.

Do you think I'm joking?

[HighPeakFox]

17 hours ago, Father Ted said:

Do you think I'm joking?

I suspect you don't understand depression if you think you can blame the manager of a football team for it.

Edited 16 December 2018 by HighPeakFox

[Foxxed]

This won't cure all of life's ills but vitamin D3 is worth a shot.

 

It seems to give me a little boost in the darker months. I've heard people in northern Canada take it too. And I spoke to an Aussie in Sweden who said it helps. It's hard to say if it's the placebo effect but who knows.

 

There's research linking vitamin d deficiency and depression, although nothing saying it causes it. And a NHS article saying it may make antidepressants more effective.

 

Deep seated depression obviously needs more thorough help but as a small boost I'd give it a try.

[Guest]

22 hours ago, HighPeakFox said:

I suspect you don't understand depression if you think you can blame the manager of a football team for it.

Nothing wrong with a bit of humour. 

 

I find the darkest of things funny and sometimes it helps one get through the day.

[HighPeakFox]

49 minutes ago, shanetko said:

Nothing wrong with a bit of humour. 

 

I find the darkest of things funny and sometimes it helps one get through the day.

Sure - I agree. It's just hard enough to get away from the utter misery of the main forum without it coming in here. Read the thread and you'll read stories that are difficult and painful, it's an oasis for some of us.