Jump to content
Pinkman

Depression

Recommended Posts

On 17/12/2018 at 10:51, Kopic said:

I've been pondering whether to post in here for a while. I'm not looking for advice really as I know what I can/should do, just need to get stuff off my chest.

 

I've never mentioned this to anyone before. I absolutely do not have a family I can talk through stuff like this with.

 

It started when I was 18. I'd just got my first job in the summer, looking forward to starting uni in September. Then one morning, my house is full of police. I'd been committing "cyber crimes" as part of a group. Nothing serious like hacking etc, just a bit of fun. I'd never had many friends growing up and I'm extremely shy, and this group made me feel important and I had a huge group of "mates". So anyway they arrest me and take all the equipment out the house. I miss the day of work, had to get my dad to phone in sick for me. Get interviewed and bailed and think nothing of it. I thought, it's not a serious crime, why are they wasting their time, people don't get done for this so why worry.

 

So I start uni in September and it's great. Make friends, go out all the time. Met my first ever girlfriend. Finished uni with a 2:1 in a science degree and prepare to start my career. I got a letter in that summer, stating I was going to court (bear in mind I hadn't heard anything for the whole 3 and a bit years I was at uni). Then I start to worry, but not too much as I still think, meh it's nothing serious. By this time I had a flat with my girlfriend. 

 

So I go to my sentencing (in Durham - location of the "ringleader"). Still in thinking nothing off it, don't take anything, clothes etc, with me. Get there, BAM sentenced to 2 years immediate sentence. So I'm in this prison in Durham aged 21 in a suit with nothing else. Following year was hell obviously, young middle class lad surrounded by drug dealers and murderers. They sort of looked after me though as they knew I shouldn't be there.

 

Get out of prison, my girlfriend has not only left me but cheated on me pretty much throughout the entire time I was there (prior to leaving me, a couple weeks before I was released). So, back to the parents to start again.

 

Due to the crime, I was banned from the internet for my probation. One drunken night I downloaded tinder and matched with a girl. I was very drunk and I had left my cigarettes in the car (I had a tag on), and i asked her to come over and get them out. Long story short we are still together now going on 4 years and saving for a house.

 

However my girlfriend had a very traumatic life. She suffers extreme depression and is on anti-depressants. I have been her rock. I have been there for her throughout. She is a lot better now but not fully. This is part of the problem. I've talked to her a little about how I'm feeling but I'm scared of sending her back, and I'm no way near as bad as she was so I don't want to do that. She is fully understanding and supportive, I just don't want to burden her. She has a great job from her degree, in fact just had a promotion and pay rise after 6 months, with talks of placing her on a management course.

 

I am a huge travel fan, have been pretty much all around the world. This past week has really hit me though and I'm feeling extremely shit, tight chested etc all the time. I know it's not a big issue, but this Brexit bollocks about visa waivers is really worrying me. I'm scared I won't be able to go on holiday again after. I already can't go to the US, Canada or Australia (thankfully I'd been to the first 2 prior to my conviction). It was also my girlfriend's dream to visit, perhaps live in Canada, something not possible for me but she stayed despite that.

 

I think in the years after my release I medicated myself with alcohol. I never really felt like I had a problem, but I'd drink 5-10 beers every single night without fail. I developed a tolerance to the booze so even on that much  I was just a bit merry, but it's not good. Recently I successfully did that stoptober, which made me feel better. Drinking again now but nowhere near the same level. More socially than anything.

 

I have a polish grandfather so theoretically I can claim a passport through him, however the application process is extremely complicated, and he's 96 with not much time left.

 

I haven't seen any of my old friends in the 6 years since my release despite many attempts on my side.

 

I'm lucky I still have my job from age 18 as it is very well paid, but completely unskilled. However the job gets to me also, I have zero future here. I see everyone from my course getting dream jobs and I'm stuck here. Don't get me wrong, I've gone for these jobs but got nowhere and now I fear it's too long since my degree with no experience in between.

 

What's weird is throughout my life, I've always been extremely laid back and not worried about anything. Even with all that stuff going on, I didn't care. However something so insignificant like brexit has properly set me off. I just worry all the time. 

 

As I refered to before about my family, I mentioned this concern to them. For context, they all voted leave. They tell me to stop being stupid, it's not going to happen, I can still go there. I don't know whether it is all bullshit and I'm worked up over nothing or not.

 

Having read this thread a lot, i know my problems seem so small in comparison, and also entirely my own making. Just wanted to finally say it out loud, as it were.

 

Probably missed a lot of info and details, ah well. I feel better just from typing this all out.

 

Nice read fella.

 

Just as an aside, I served 8 weeks in a young offenders at 20. Middle class lad hopelessly out if its depth. Funny how some of the experienced lads took to me and made sure I was OK. No reason. There's a sharp sixth sense in there for the weak. Some exploit it. Others warm to it - even bad guys.

 

Second, I was a bit apprehensive about travel to the US. I chose to ignore it when completing the ESTA. I shat it at first at the border. They don't check. I've got in 5/6 times no problem.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Claridge Clock said:

ive been looking on here a while my son told me to look at the depessiuon topic this is the first time ive said anything i find lots of stuff nreally funny and amusing. i have bipolar and this site cheers me up sometimes. I have been a leicester city fan all my life and was born in loughborough road and  I was at the fa cup final in 1961 against tottenham with some friends when i was 19 years old and used to live in thurcaston. im really amazed at the support people seem to get that really is great there is some great advice on here and i really enjoy readibng some peoples comments you all seem to really support each other that is great it has taken me a long time to say something and i dont really want to say to much as it takes me a long time to tipe but i think it is great on here

 

Welcome!

 

You can always share here and people are always happy to chat and try to offer advice. 

 

Be well! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
48 minutes ago, Claridge Clock said:

ive been looking on here a while my son told me to look at the depessiuon topic this is the first time ive said anything i find lots of stuff nreally funny and amusing. i have bipolar and this site cheers me up sometimes. I have been a leicester city fan all my life and was born in loughborough road and  I was at the fa cup final in 1961 against tottenham with some friends when i was 19 years old and used to live in thurcaston. im really amazed at the support people seem to get that really is great there is some great advice on here and i really enjoy readibng some peoples comments you all seem to really support each other that is great it has taken me a long time to say something and i dont really want to say to much as it takes me a long time to tipe but i think it is great on here

 

Welcome, mate. :)

 

Most of us in this thread have either suffered depression at one time or another or have friends/family who have, so whatever you might be going through, chances are we'll know pretty much where you're coming from. No pressure, but if you want to discuss your problems, you'll get sympathy and understanding - no one will judge you.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

Welcome, mate. :)

 

Most of us in this thread have either suffered depression at one time or another or have friends/family who have, so whatever you might be going through, chances are we'll know pretty much where you're coming from. No pressure, but if you want to discuss your problems, you'll get sympathy and understanding - no one will judge you.

I'm in Oadby this evening, as it goes...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

May 2019 be filled with good health, mental wellbeing, prosperity and genuine happiness for all of you and your families. Thank you all for helping me through 2018!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really hope this collapses. Our team don't need this shite. And to be honest I'm giving up. 

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, sylofox said:

I really hope this collapses. Our team don't need this shite. And to be honest I'm giving up. 

 

1 hour ago, sylofox said:

Going to bed. Not sure I deserve nore. Night. 

Hang in there big man, you've been here before.

 

You also know that things always look brighter the next day and everything settles after a good nights kip.

 

Sleep well fella and let us know how you are in the morning :thumbup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
54 minutes ago, sylofox said:

Really

Yep. Really

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, sylofox said:

Really

Bit late to reply on this one and perhaps you have gone to bed, in which case if you able to sleep then thats not a bad thing at all. (Told someone else that today who was also feeling down.)

 

You know where i am if you need me Sylo.. i make a good listener and always have time for you. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

4 hours ago, sylofox said:

I really hope this collapses. Our team don't need this shite. And to be honest I'm giving up. 

 

4 hours ago, sylofox said:

Going to bed. Not sure I deserve nore. Night. 

 

No idea what this is related to but if you dont sleep well, know that there are random people on here that youve never met, who care how you feel and want you to feel better 

 

Just checked your last few posts and note that you had a dig on one of the ultra negative threads in the nutter section, ie the leicester city football section.

 

On the one hand, i really hope that you have not let those bastards grind you down.

 

On the other hand i kind of hope it is that simple because the simple phrase, dont let those bastards grind you down, really holds true for that one.

 

I might have got it totally wrong, but if not, this might help.

 

**** em, ****ing self entitled amoebas. Dont even deserve your replies. Save yourself from it until you are in a better place. I steered clear whilst i was going through a bad time recently,  but now that i am in a good place i used it for my own enjoyment in windng them up.

 

Check my post history for the aftermath of the newport game. Started having a bit of fun, telling people how it's not that bad, then just gave up on them and left them to it.

 

Anyway,chin up fella. And dont do anything silly. The caring human beings in this thread tend to fear the worst, knowing how low one can get, as opposed to the knuckle dragging bell ends who just move on and spew their shit to anyone who will listen.

 

 

Edited by gw_leics772
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Paris Saint-Germain goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon has said he suffered with depression early in his career and once missed a match for Juventus due to a panic attack.

 

Buffon has enjoyed an incredible career which has so far seen him win 23 major trophies -- including a World Cup -- and he is still fighting to win his first Champions League medal at the age of 40.

 

But, despite enjoying success from an early age, there have been difficult moments for the ex-Italy international -- in particular during his early period with Juve.

 

"For a few months, everything just stopped making sense," Buffon told Vanity Fair. "It seemed like no one cared about me, just the footballer I represented.

 

"It was like everyone was asking about Buffon and nobody about Gigi. It was a really difficult moment.

 

"I was 25, riding the wave of success but one day, before a Serie A match, I went to Ivano Bordon, the goalkeeper coach, and told him: 'Ivano, get [No. 2 goalkeeper Antonio] Chimenti to warm up and play. I'm not feeling up to it.

 

"I had suffered a panic attack and was in no state to play the match."

 

However, Buffon said it was important the situation reached this point as it allowed him to move forward.

 

"If I had not gone through this experience, that cloud and that turmoil with other people, I may have never have got out of it," he said. "I had the clarity of understanding that it was a watershed moment between giving up and confronting those insecurities we all have.

 

"I was never scared of showing them nor of crying -- something which happens to me and of which I am not at all embarrassed."

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, gw_leics772 said:

https://m.facebook.com/1274539212/posts/10213367132914179/

 

Struggling to post it properly (embed) but i definitively recommend a watch.

 

 

 

The page you requested cannot be displayed at the moment. It may be temporarily unavailable, the link you clicked on may be broken or expired, or you may not have permission to view this page.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Suzie the Fox said:

The page you requested cannot be displayed at the moment. It may be temporarily unavailable, the link you clicked on may be broken or expired, or you may not have permission to view this page.

Thanks, edited original post and it looks like it works.

 

Please confirm or advise accordingly.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Achieved a few “wins” this week.

 

Today I have finally took my phone in to replace the battery. It’s annoyed me for the last 7 months to the point that I barely use it any more, and just haven’t been well enough to even look for options. Waiting for it to be fixed as we speak, so fingers crossed. I’ll ask him if he can fix my knackered iPod too!

 

Finally emailed Mental Health Matters as recommended by my doctor. That’s at least 3 months of procrastinating over phoning them. We’ll see how that goes.

 

Bought a pair of Bluetooth headphones too - just a cheap pair, but hopefully it will get me listening to music more often and feeling like I’m living again. Whenever I’m down it feels like I just avoid music altogether - does anyone else do that?

 

Oh, and Monday, I submitted a script to the BBC Writers Room drama window! As did 3634 others, but I’ve seen greater odds than that overcome in my lifetime!

I've known someone who used them and they couldn't recommend them enough when they had a tough, unfortunate life situation.

 

Am sure that they'll help with you with you requirements/needs, too.

You're making a very positive step towards combating something that is still unfortunately a stigma in today's society.

Edited by Wymeswold fox
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×