Depression

[gw_leics772]

55 minutes ago, Wymeswold fox said:

Hope this catches in on football and other well-watch sports, to spread mental health awareness and realise that 'sufferers' shouldn't be alone in their feelings.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/46892072

Kinell he looks like kante.

 

Gerrimin ? sorry wrong thread

[KingsX]

I just took a personality-type test which measured “negative emotionality” as a major trait comprised of anxiety, emotional volatility and depression.  I scored 67/100.    That surprised me, partly because I see myself as stable compared to many on the football forum.  So at least this place has been good for my self-image. 

 

For years I led a sizable organization, and above all else had to be a rock of stability.  Never show a crack, regardless of situation.  I now realize how much that took out of me -- despite what I was telling myself and the world, it didn’t come naturally.  I was fighting my inner self as well as outside stresses.

 

My point: I once needed and got help for major depression.  Yet I just scored fairly high for anxiety and volatility, but below the mean for depression.  Take that as an indication that the Black Dog can be beaten, even if you are vulnerable.  And please take that first step, or next step.

[gw_leics772]

48 minutes ago, KingsX said:

I just took a personality-type test which measured “negative emotionality” as a major trait comprised of anxiety, emotional volatility and depression.  I scored 67/100.    That surprised me, partly because I see myself as stable compared to many on the football forum.  So at least this place has been good for my self-image. 

 

For years I led a sizable organization, and above all else had to be a rock of stability.  Never show a crack, regardless of situation.  I now realize how much that took out of me -- despite what I was telling myself and the world, it didn’t come naturally.  I was fighting my inner self as well as outside stresses.

 

My point: I once needed and got help for major depression.  Yet I just scored fairly high for anxiety and volatility, but below the mean for depression.  Take that as an indication that the Black Dog can be beaten, even if you are vulnerable.  And please take that first step, or next step.

Reggie kray in his heyday is more stable than most on the main football forum to be fair.

[urban.spaceman]

Crazy pushy parent woman is back - I did say to her that I'd probably be available mid January but it's crept up on me and last week I came down with a fever and a cold that left me in bed for most of the week and nowhere near my phone. So two missed calls that I didt't know I had then I get text messages saying "u  shoulnt do tht 2 ppl". 

 

Infuriating people that set my head going off all hectic!

[Izzy]

On 19/12/2018 at 23:51, urban.spaceman said:

 

Thanks for your help last week lads. Chatted to the family friend the and woman’s phone and texts ceased. Against my better judgement (and after ignoring the family friends calls for 3 days) I’ve agreed to meet her tomorrow. I know, I know. I just felt I owed it to the family friend as a courtesy. Though I will explain straight up that I’ve been in a bit of a mental health crisis the last fornight, and then tell this woman that I'm still ill and won’t be available till the New Year. After another chat with my oldest pal I’m going to book a trip to Dublin in early January that I am definitely, definitely doing. 

 

43 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Crazy pushy parent woman is back - I did say to her that I'd probably be available mid January but it's crept up on me and last week I came down with a fever and a cold that left me in bed for most of the week and nowhere near my phone. So two missed calls that I didt't know I had then I get text messages saying "u  shoulnt do tht 2 ppl". 

 

Infuriating people that set my head going off all hectic!

Mate, what's the very worst that can happen to you if you politely tell her to fvck off?

 

This is what happens when we go against our better judgement - we end up getting stressed out because people take the piss out of us.

 

Can you not tell her that you're too busy and then refer her on to someone else?

 

If you do go ahead and offer your services, I'd be very clear about your boundaries and rules of the game. She sounds like someone who'll continually take advantage if you're not firm and clear with her.

 

If it were me, I'd get the hell out of Dodge but if you feel you owe a favour/courtesy then maybe make it clear that it's just a 'one off' and a short term arrangement?

 

 

[gw_leics772]

5 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Crazy pushy parent woman is back - I did say to her that I'd probably be available mid January but it's crept up on me and last week I came down with a fever and a cold that left me in bed for most of the week and nowhere near my phone. So two missed calls that I didt't know I had then I get text messages saying "u  shoulnt do tht 2 ppl". 

 

Infuriating people that set my head going off all hectic!

 

4 hours ago, Izzy said:

 

Mate, what's the very worst that can happen to you if you politely tell her to fvck off?

 

This is what happens when we go against our better judgement - we end up getting stressed out because people take the piss out of us.

 

Can you not tell her that you're too busy and then refer her on to someone else?

 

If you do go ahead and offer your services, I'd be very clear about your boundaries and rules of the game. She sounds like someone who'll continually take advantage if you're not firm and clear with her.

 

If it were me, I'd get the hell out of Dodge but if you feel you owe a favour/courtesy then maybe make it clear that it's just a 'one off' and a short term arrangement?

 

 

What Izzy is saying is all good advice and probabky fits better with how you are as a person. A nice person. A decent and fair person.

 

Now i class myself as all of the above as well, but it didnt come naturally and underneath it, im a bit of a ****. As this woman is also a bit of a ****.... it takes one to know one.

 

I spot a get out of jail card here which you may not be comfortable but i feel ot would help you massively.

 

She has now shown her true colours, so now for a guilt trip of your own.

 

Start  off sincere, apologies for missing your calls.... but, all of the above.

 

I cant work with you. The warning signs are there. If this is how you treat me when you want something from me, how will you treat me when you are paying me for a "job". Even though its a job i tried to make clear i didnt really want and it was actually a favour.

 

Its up to you how much you are comfortable to share but i would certainly mention depression as it is true but may also stoke up some regret from her and you may save other people from her harsh reactions (doubtful but not your problem)

 In these situations, it requires "growing a pair", not meant in any way to be disparaging to you, as i have been in a similar situation and being "selfish" is the first step in looking after yourself. Nobody can look out for you as well as you can look after yourself, and people in our situation need to for the sake of our own mental health.

It is the great paradox in that at our weakest, we somehow need to find the resolve to act in the most confident way we possibly ever have, whilst feeling the least capable we may ever feel to do so.

 

Warning, this will likely lead to you having to follow this up in the same way with your family by the sound of your circumstances, but the first step is always the hardest, then just roll with it, knowing it is for the best.

 

Happy to prop you up via private messages if necessary, if you decide to take this leap of faith. Will do what i can.

It wont be easy, but it could be life changing, and im happy for you to lean on me and discuss any and all repercussions. 

[spacemunky]

Happy Blue Monday everyone!

[Analysethis]

I've suffered from depression a few times over the years and the things that got me to finally click out of it have always been the same things. Listening to music (FFS not Morrisey though!!) as that always takes me to happy times whether its holidays or other nights out. Exercise is always a good one. Smashing the life out of a punch bag for some reason helps me gain focus and just generally trying to laugh by surrounding myself with good people. The latter of the the three aforementioned things is always the last thing to happen but a bot of exercise and listening to music somehow takes me out of the bloody hypnosis that is depression.

 

To anyone reading and suffering, dont think you are some saddo thats the only one who suffers. I have a great missus, a son through an ex, businesses, own my own home and my health. I should have no reason to feel down but it happens to all sorts of us at some stage. I once got a bottle of vodka and put it in a bag and got on a train heading for what I told the missus was a work related conference. What I did though was sit in the park 50 miles from home where I looked around trying to find the point that was to be the stage of my demise. I found a high rise building and thought I wont get out of that alive if I jumped off. I started drinking the vodka and convinced myself by the minute that this was the only option (back in the day I was gambling a lot) but thankfully I decided against the leap of death as I thought about how my family would react (it was before I had a son). I managed to get through it but have told no one about it in the real world. I somehow got through it but I do know a lot of people dont have that moment and actually proceed.

 

Keep the faith people as life is for living and enjoying. Since having a not give a shite attitude a lot of what I wanted from life has happened. I still have small bouts of depression despite having a good life but not at the level of yesteryear thank god.

 

I pray for anyone feeling low but keep believing. 

[urban.spaceman]

On 20/01/2019 at 17:38, Izzy said:

 

Mate, what's the very worst that can happen to you if you politely tell her to fvck off?

 

This is what happens when we go against our better judgement - we end up getting stressed out because people take the piss out of us.

 

Can you not tell her that you're too busy and then refer her on to someone else?

 

If you do go ahead and offer your services, I'd be very clear about your boundaries and rules of the game. She sounds like someone who'll continually take advantage if you're not firm and clear with her.

 

If it were me, I'd get the hell out of Dodge but if you feel you owe a favour/courtesy then maybe make it clear that it's just a 'one off' and a short term arrangement?

 

 

 

On 20/01/2019 at 22:38, gw_leics772 said:

 

What Izzy is saying is all good advice and probabky fits better with how you are as a person. A nice person. A decent and fair person.

 

Now i class myself as all of the above as well, but it didnt come naturally and underneath it, im a bit of a ****. As this woman is also a bit of a ****.... it takes one to know one.

 

I spot a get out of jail card here which you may not be comfortable but i feel ot would help you massively.

 

She has now shown her true colours, so now for a guilt trip of your own.

 

Start  off sincere, apologies for missing your calls.... but, all of the above.

 

I cant work with you. The warning signs are there. If this is how you treat me when you want something from me, how will you treat me when you are paying me for a "job". Even though its a job i tried to make clear i didnt really want and it was actually a favour.

 

Its up to you how much you are comfortable to share but i would certainly mention depression as it is true but may also stoke up some regret from her and you may save other people from her harsh reactions (doubtful but not your problem)

 In these situations, it requires "growing a pair", not meant in any way to be disparaging to you, as i have been in a similar situation and being "selfish" is the first step in looking after yourself. Nobody can look out for you as well as you can look after yourself, and people in our situation need to for the sake of our own mental health.

It is the great paradox in that at our weakest, we somehow need to find the resolve to act in the most confident way we possibly ever have, whilst feeling the least capable we may ever feel to do so.

 

Warning, this will likely lead to you having to follow this up in the same way with your family by the sound of your circumstances, but the first step is always the hardest, then just roll with it, knowing it is for the best.

 

Happy to prop you up via private messages if necessary, if you decide to take this leap of faith. Will do what i can.

It wont be easy, but it could be life changing, and im happy for you to lean on me and discuss any and all repercussions. 

You’re both right of course, though the “just ****ing **** off” method never really works for me and would come across as me nastily lashing out. Instead I’ve ignored her completely, and spoken to the family friend who is currently working with her and explained that I’ve been unwell and am very unimpressed with the way she spoke to me. He agreed, though a little bit reluctantly as it meant that he had to carry on working with her, and said I should just contact her when and if I feel better. I haven’t explicitly told him that it’s added to my depression but I think he’s reached that conclusion himself.

 

Anyway, I feel much better for being able to keep it at arms length, even if it leads my mum to nagging me about it and “talking at me” still. The other day though she did say that she just wants me to “get my mojo back” which really hit the nail on the head. Finding a way to get it back is the tough bit!

[gw_leics772]

2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

 

You’re both right of course, though the “just ****ing **** off” method never really works for me and would come across as me nastily lashing out. Instead I’ve ignored her completely, and spoken to the family friend who is currently working with her and explained that I’ve been unwell and am very unimpressed with the way she spoke to me. He agreed, though a little bit reluctantly as it meant that he had to carry on working with her, and said I should just contact her when and if I feel better. I haven’t explicitly told him that it’s added to my depression but I think he’s reached that conclusion himself.

 

Anyway, I feel much better for being able to keep it at arms length, even if it leads my mum to nagging me about it and “talking at me” still. The other day though she did say that she just wants me to “get my mojo back” which really hit the nail on the head. Finding a way to get it back is the tough bit!

It sounds to me like you are currently in too bad a place to be able summon up the "fake courage" needed to deal with it once and for all, and have rightly done the next best thing. 

 

(Nb the "fake courage" is different to the “just ****ing **** off” method, which sounds closer to the full on breakdown ?)

 

Well done. Be proud of yourself. 

 

One step at a time.

 

Remember that people are inherently selfish and the family friend has too much of a vested interest. You "used" him well in getting the message across, but be wary and look after yourself. Nobody can do it better than you. It is in his best interest to oass on the problem, so beware that one day he might feel that his need is greater than yours,  but that is his problem not yours. You dont need to find a solution for this "lady" (i think woman would be a better word in these circumstances) like your family friend is trying to do, because it isnt your problem. 

 

You have enough of your own (everyone does) and she's not queuing up to help you with any of yours.

 

Best advice, be selfish.

 

Even if you only feel up to avoiding her (and even the family friend if it comes to that)

Although procrastination is generally not a good thing, there are a surprising amount of problems that actually do disappear if you ignorr them for long enough (the trick is knowing which ones can be ignored, or even just deciding which ones you need to ignore)

Good work fella

 

[urban.spaceman]

Four and half hours until Dry January’s over.

 

 

[urban.spaceman]

Lovely whiskey. 

[what?]

I hardly ever post here but I check this thread occasionally and I wanted to share a little story because something kinda good happened for once and its apparently randomness is a demonstration of how things can turn around even when you least expect it. So I've been in various stages of serious depression since I was about 9. I had a couple of good years but in the last 6 months or so I've taken a down turn. I've been trying to find a therapist but it's extremely difficult to navigate the system here as a foreigner, especially when I'm picky about my treatment wishes. I've been stuck in a low paying job that makes me feel like shit. It's not just that it's pointless bottom tier work, it's actively making the world worse and has contributed to my mental state and sense of self worth. But, like a lot of people in my position I didn't really have many options, there's been times in my life where I was fighting to stay alive and my long term employability took a big hit. The usual stuff, big gaps on my cv, uni courses failed or dropped, big debts. It's the tax we have to pay for poor mental health. Making your way in this world is hard enough for neurotypical people but with the added burden of depression or whatever you want to diagnose it as, it's very easy to fall behind your peers. And once that happens it snowballs until you're stuck working shitty jobs and feeling grateful just for the chance. Beg for scraps or starve. 

 

When I've had the energy, I've been sending off the usual job applications and hearing nothing. I came across a job recently that looked interesting. I thought I was might just be smart/creative enough to do it but as per usual I had no evidence to back that up and I knew that everyone else applying would probably be smarter than me but also have all baubles of education and experience with which to prove it. Anyway the job was kind of weird, so I wrote a bit of a weird application. I was on the fence about it and very nearly deleted it but my gf convinced me to send it off. I did and promptly tried to forget about it because I was certain I wouldn't get a response. Well... not only did I get an immediate response. They freaked out over me so much that they offered me an entirely different job than the one I applied for, a bigger job they're creating specifically for me with an amount of money that I thought was a joke. It's absolutely ****ing terrifying and now obviously I'm overcome with fear that I'll be found out as a fraud and the whole thing will fall apart. But I've got to just do it and try to fight that part of me - focus on the fact that that something I knocked up in half an hour got so many people excited and they must be seeing something in me that's real. I don't know what's going to happen but for the first time in a long while I feel a little bit of self belief and that's incredible to me. 

 

Ok having read that back I'm a bit worried it might come off as self important or gloating and I hope it doesn't. I just wanted to share a demonstration of how quickly things can change and to remind that the only thing that guarantees hopelessness is to assume that there's no hope. I hope everyone is well and keeping warm and that you all have better days coming. 

[Crinklyfox]

17 minutes ago, what? said:

I hardly ever post here but I check this thread occasionally and I wanted to share a little story because something kinda good happened for once and its apparently randomness is a demonstration of how things can turn around even when you least expect it. So I've been in various stages of serious depression since I was about 9. I had a couple of good years but in the last 6 months or so I've taken a down turn. I've been trying to find a therapist but it's extremely difficult to navigate the system here as a foreigner, especially when I'm picky about my treatment wishes. I've been stuck in a low paying job that makes me feel like shit. It's not just that it's pointless bottom tier work, it's actively making the world worse and has contributed to my mental state and sense of self worth. But, like a lot of people in my position I didn't really have many options, there's been times in my life where I was fighting to stay alive and my long term employability took a big hit. The usual stuff, big gaps on my cv, uni courses failed or dropped, big debts. It's the tax we have to pay for poor mental health. Making your way in this world is hard enough for neurotypical people but with the added burden of depression or whatever you want to diagnose it as, it's very easy to fall behind your peers. And once that happens it snowballs until you're stuck working shitty jobs and feeling grateful just for the chance. Beg for scraps or starve. 

 

When I've had the energy, I've been sending off the usual job applications and hearing nothing. I came across a job recently that looked interesting. I thought I was might just be smart/creative enough to do it but as per usual I had no evidence to back that up and I knew that everyone else applying would probably be smarter than me but also have all baubles of education and experience with which to prove it. Anyway the job was kind of weird, so I wrote a bit of a weird application. I was on the fence about it and very nearly deleted it but my gf convinced me to send it off. I did and promptly tried to forget about it because I was certain I wouldn't get a response. Well... not only did I get an immediate response. They freaked out over me so much that they offered me an entirely different job than the one I applied for, a bigger job they're creating specifically for me with an amount of money that I thought was a joke. It's absolutely ****ing terrifying and now obviously I'm overcome with fear that I'll be found out as a fraud and the whole thing will fall apart. But I've got to just do it and try to fight that part of me - focus on the fact that that something I knocked up in half an hour got so many people excited and they must be seeing something in me that's real. I don't know what's going to happen but for the first time in a long while I feel a little bit of self belief and that's incredible to me. 

 

Ok having read that back I'm a bit worried it might come off as self important or gloating and I hope it doesn't. I just wanted to share a demonstration of how quickly things can change and to remind that the only thing that guarantees hopelessness is to assume that there's no hope. I hope everyone is well and keeping warm and that you all have better days coming. 

Work can contribute to depression, no matter the pay.  If you find something that you love then do it, we all spend too much of our lives working to waste it in frustration or hopelessness.  The needs of an employer may be different to yours but a good one will try to foster an environment where the workforce is as content as possible, if only because people who are happy in their work tend to give more to it.  

 

If you haven't done the interview yet, my advice would be that it's a two way process, they're trying to establish if you're right for the job and you're trying to establish if the job's right for you.  Never be frightened to ask questions.  I used to be a manager and interviewed prospective candidates for posts in my department.  I asked quite a few questions but these three were the ones that really mattered:

 

1.  Can you do the job (competency)

2.  Will you love the job (staff retention)

3.  Will you fit in (maintain harmony in workplace)

 

Good luck with it.

[what?]

I already had the interview but they were so excited about me that it felt more like a foregone conclusion. We mostly talked about ideas for the position. They seemed certain on all 3 of those questions. Obviously I'm unsure about the first but it's always so hard to unpack what is depression and what is reality. It's big abstract creative strategic work, not stuff I've ever done on this scale before. If I can get over my anxiety and not limit my thinking then I feel like I could do it but it's definitely an unknown. I know that I'm going to love the actual content of it. That is certain. It's going to be like night and day compared to what I've been doing for the last year. 

 

One freeing part of it is that they are completely aware of my mental health history and they don't seem phased. I think the picture they have of me is a fairly accurate one so hopefully I'll be able to remember that when doubts creep in. 

[gw_leics772]

24 minutes ago, what? said:

I already had the interview but they were so excited about me that it felt more like a foregone conclusion. We mostly talked about ideas for the position. They seemed certain on all 3 of those questions. Obviously I'm unsure about the first but it's always so hard to unpack what is depression and what is reality. It's big abstract creative strategic work, not stuff I've ever done on this scale before. If I can get over my anxiety and not limit my thinking then I feel like I could do it but it's definitely an unknown. I know that I'm going to love the actual content of it. That is certain. It's going to be like night and day compared to what I've been doing for the last year. 

 

One freeing part of it is that they are completely aware of my mental health history and they don't seem phased. I think the picture they have of me is a fairly accurate one so hopefully I'll be able to remember that when doubts creep in. 

You sir, appear to have nailed it. Co congratulations and please keep us informed how you get on. My predicition is that you will continue to nail it.

 

The fact that they know about you mental health history says to me that you will be more than fine. You will love it and they will love you.

 

The fact that it is a creative job keads me to believe they will support you in any future mental health issues abd probably continue to pay you if you need time out.

 

You sound perfect for whatever it is you are doing (which i am massively intrigued about)

 

Now for thr science part. You do not come across as self important at all. This is the depression/anxiety speaking. Even thst paragraph just added to the charm.

 

I am a business owner, early days, 8 staff, running an accountancy practice, and my first thoughts were how can i find a way to give you a job (and i cant really afford to, nor am i looking for staff). Like your b6ew employers, i would have had to make one to get you, and i really would have approached you, and it would have been on the creative, strategic, business growth side of it.

 

Reading on, you are now out of my league, and your cv is now sorted for life after a couple of years. I got my first job as a young manager, my next job was a bona fide manager with experience, where i climbed to senior management. My next step was having the credibility from this to approach retiring accountants to take over their businesses and improve it. My business now at 40 is twice the size of the two retirees i bought out (at their end game) with time on my side.

 

I now have the confidence to not care of it sounds self important because the validation comes from the evidence around me, and is therefore not needed from elsewhere. I am also better placed to ignore the negatives from others that dont matter.

 

Have confidence, own it. He who dares rodders.

 

Ps. Hit me up if you fancy a changr in the future. People like you will always be worth employing, and i guess this post took even less time than your application letter.

 

Pps. Very interested in hearing more about the job. You sir, are an inspiration. Message me if you want but from personal experience, answering in this thread will help others see the hope and light that is out there (in a totally non religious way)

 

If they dont like it, they can ignore it, and if it is general consensus, we'll move it to private then.

 

Good work fella.

 

Thanks

[The whole world smiles]

Just saw a young girl (early 20s) trying to jump off the bridge over the underpass in town on my lunch break. A few blokes were holding onto her, I helped out and grabbed her collar. One bloke was talking to her telling her nothing isn't too bad that you can't come back from and telling her how much all these strangers around her cared for her. She kept putting her foot out over the trafic below.

 

Another bloke looked like a painter or roofer jumped over the other side of the barrier where she was. The old Bill turned up and asked him to get the other side and he basically told them to **** off eventually he pushed her up as we pulled and we got her over the right side. 

 

The whole thing was pretty harrowing (obviously nothing compared to what she's going through). And it's made me think about depression and suicide in a away that to be honest I haven't before. 

 

somthing about the hopelessness of the situation and the fear and desperation on her face has made me appreciate how  horrendous depression is and my heart goes out to anyone suffering from it.

[ajthefox]

8 hours ago, what? said:

I hardly ever post here but I check this thread occasionally and I wanted to share a little story because something kinda good happened for once and its apparently randomness is a demonstration of how things can turn around even when you least expect it. So I've been in various stages of serious depression since I was about 9. I had a couple of good years but in the last 6 months or so I've taken a down turn. I've been trying to find a therapist but it's extremely difficult to navigate the system here as a foreigner, especially when I'm picky about my treatment wishes. I've been stuck in a low paying job that makes me feel like shit. It's not just that it's pointless bottom tier work, it's actively making the world worse and has contributed to my mental state and sense of self worth. But, like a lot of people in my position I didn't really have many options, there's been times in my life where I was fighting to stay alive and my long term employability took a big hit. The usual stuff, big gaps on my cv, uni courses failed or dropped, big debts. It's the tax we have to pay for poor mental health. Making your way in this world is hard enough for neurotypical people but with the added burden of depression or whatever you want to diagnose it as, it's very easy to fall behind your peers. And once that happens it snowballs until you're stuck working shitty jobs and feeling grateful just for the chance. Beg for scraps or starve. 

 

When I've had the energy, I've been sending off the usual job applications and hearing nothing. I came across a job recently that looked interesting. I thought I was might just be smart/creative enough to do it but as per usual I had no evidence to back that up and I knew that everyone else applying would probably be smarter than me but also have all baubles of education and experience with which to prove it. Anyway the job was kind of weird, so I wrote a bit of a weird application. I was on the fence about it and very nearly deleted it but my gf convinced me to send it off. I did and promptly tried to forget about it because I was certain I wouldn't get a response. Well... not only did I get an immediate response. They freaked out over me so much that they offered me an entirely different job than the one I applied for, a bigger job they're creating specifically for me with an amount of money that I thought was a joke. It's absolutely ****ing terrifying and now obviously I'm overcome with fear that I'll be found out as a fraud and the whole thing will fall apart. But I've got to just do it and try to fight that part of me - focus on the fact that that something I knocked up in half an hour got so many people excited and they must be seeing something in me that's real. I don't know what's going to happen but for the first time in a long while I feel a little bit of self belief and that's incredible to me. 

 

Ok having read that back I'm a bit worried it might come off as self important or gloating and I hope it doesn't. I just wanted to share a demonstration of how quickly things can change and to remind that the only thing that guarantees hopelessness is to assume that there's no hope. I hope everyone is well and keeping warm and that you all have better days coming. 

Sounds like you've caught the break you deserve, congrats!

Fingers crossed it all goes well, do keep us all informed!

[Izzy]

9 hours ago, what? said:

It's absolutely ****ing terrifying and now obviously I'm overcome with fear that I'll be found out as a fraud and the whole thing will fall apart. 

Awesome post mate - good things come to those who wait 

 

The bit I've quoted rings true for me - the old 'impostor syndrome' 

 

Suffered from it my whole life until I realised that most other people suffer from it too! It can be fvckin debilitating if we let it and it's just our BS crooked thinking taking over. They wouldn't have offered you the job if they didn't think you were qualified to do it, so just realise that your FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real.

 

Remember that confidence is something we 'do' and it starts with our physiology. Stand tall, shoulders back, eyes forward, clear voice and all that...

 

Once you've settled in and proved that you're awesome, your self belief will grow and you'll be loving life again.

 

Best of luck fella and delighted that things finally turned around for you.

 

[Costock_Fox]

11 hours ago, what? said:

I hardly ever post here but I check this thread occasionally and I wanted to share a little story because something kinda good happened for once and its apparently randomness is a demonstration of how things can turn around even when you least expect it. So I've been in various stages of serious depression since I was about 9. I had a couple of good years but in the last 6 months or so I've taken a down turn. I've been trying to find a therapist but it's extremely difficult to navigate the system here as a foreigner, especially when I'm picky about my treatment wishes. I've been stuck in a low paying job that makes me feel like shit. It's not just that it's pointless bottom tier work, it's actively making the world worse and has contributed to my mental state and sense of self worth. But, like a lot of people in my position I didn't really have many options, there's been times in my life where I was fighting to stay alive and my long term employability took a big hit. The usual stuff, big gaps on my cv, uni courses failed or dropped, big debts. It's the tax we have to pay for poor mental health. Making your way in this world is hard enough for neurotypical people but with the added burden of depression or whatever you want to diagnose it as, it's very easy to fall behind your peers. And once that happens it snowballs until you're stuck working shitty jobs and feeling grateful just for the chance. Beg for scraps or starve. 

 

When I've had the energy, I've been sending off the usual job applications and hearing nothing. I came across a job recently that looked interesting. I thought I was might just be smart/creative enough to do it but as per usual I had no evidence to back that up and I knew that everyone else applying would probably be smarter than me but also have all baubles of education and experience with which to prove it. Anyway the job was kind of weird, so I wrote a bit of a weird application. I was on the fence about it and very nearly deleted it but my gf convinced me to send it off. I did and promptly tried to forget about it because I was certain I wouldn't get a response. Well... not only did I get an immediate response. They freaked out over me so much that they offered me an entirely different job than the one I applied for, a bigger job they're creating specifically for me with an amount of money that I thought was a joke. It's absolutely ****ing terrifying and now obviously I'm overcome with fear that I'll be found out as a fraud and the whole thing will fall apart. But I've got to just do it and try to fight that part of me - focus on the fact that that something I knocked up in half an hour got so many people excited and they must be seeing something in me that's real. I don't know what's going to happen but for the first time in a long while I feel a little bit of self belief and that's incredible to me. 

 

Ok having read that back I'm a bit worried it might come off as self important or gloating and I hope it doesn't. I just wanted to share a demonstration of how quickly things can change and to remind that the only thing that guarantees hopelessness is to assume that there's no hope. I hope everyone is well and keeping warm and that you all have better days coming. 

Congrats mate!

[Costock_Fox]

2 hours ago, Izzy said:

Awesome post mate - good things come to those who wait 

 

The bit I've quoted rings true for me - the old 'impostor syndrome' 

 

Suffered from it my whole life until I realised that most other people suffer from it too! It can be fvckin debilitating if we let it and it's just our BS crooked thinking taking over. They wouldn't have offered you the job if they didn't think you were qualified to do it, so just realise that your FEAR = False Expectations Appearing Real.

 

Remember that confidence is something we 'do' and it starts with our physiology. Stand tall, shoulders back, eyes forward, clear voice and all that...

 

Once you've settled in and proved that you're awesome, your self belief will grow and you'll be loving life again.

 

Best of luck fella and delighted that things finally turned around for you.

 

I nearly turned my current job down for exactly this reason. Started a new job and within 3 months, based upon my past experience, they offered me a promotion. Whether the extra responsibility is actually worth the extra crap I deal with who knows but it will look good in my CV.

 

Like you say, everyone goes through it. Just take confidence from their clear confidence in you and remember that they will probably do everything to help make it a success in that situation.

[urban.spaceman]

On 01/02/2019 at 14:01, The whole world smiles said:

Just saw a young girl (early 20s) trying to jump off the bridge over the underpass in town on my lunch break. A few blokes were holding onto her, I helped out and grabbed her collar. One bloke was talking to her telling her nothing isn't too bad that you can't come back from and telling her how much all these strangers around her cared for her. She kept putting her foot out over the trafic below.

 

Another bloke looked like a painter or roofer jumped over the other side of the barrier where she was. The old Bill turned up and asked him to get the other side and he basically told them to **** off eventually he pushed her up as we pulled and we got her over the right side. 

 

The whole thing was pretty harrowing (obviously nothing compared to what she's going through). And it's made me think about depression and suicide in a away that to be honest I haven't before. 

 

somthing about the hopelessness of the situation and the fear and desperation on her face has made me appreciate how  horrendous depression is and my heart goes out to anyone suffering from it.

Mate, every single person, including you, who stepped in to help pull her back from the edge - literally and metaphorically - you’re all ****ing heroes. Seriously. We may never know what drove her to take that action but you all were there in the right place at the right time to help her through it, and that’s what matters really. You saved a life. ****ing heroic. 

[what?]

Thanks everyone for the really kind words  

[Wymsey]

35 minutes ago, urban.spaceman said:

Mate, every single person, including you, who stepped in to help pull her back from the edge - literally and metaphorically - you’re all ****ing heroes. Seriously. We may never know what drove her to take that action but you all were there in the right place at the right time to help her through it, and that’s what matters really. You saved a life. ****ing heroic. 

This.

It takes a great amount of courage to be involved in something like this situation that you never think you'd find yourself in your lifetime.

Am sure many could've well be too hesitant to rescue someone in her distressed situation, in fear of injuring themselves or even worse.

Edited 2 February 2019 by Wymeswold fox

[desertfox2]

On 02/02/2019 at 20:46, what? said:

Thanks everyone for the really kind words  

Thanks for your post. Inspiring.