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On 21/08/2019 at 21:53, Izzy said:

Happy days indeed mate :)

 

I haven't had CBT personally, but there's plenty on this thread who have. I do understand the principles of CBT and I'm a big fan.

 

It's perfectly normal to be skeptical but I'd just advise you to be open about it. Give it a go, you've really got nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

 

And stick with it. Even if you think it's all BS after a few sessions just complete the course. Sometimes it takes a while for the penny to drop and it all to make sense, so try to resist bailing out too early.

 

Best of luck :thumbup:

Cheer's mate...really think i should be talking to the Mrs about this,but find it easier to talk to people i don't really know on this great forum!

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These links are very useful and sessions available for group meditation in Leicester.

 

Supplementary Materials for The Mindful Way through Anxiety https://www.guilford.com/companion-site/The-Mindful-Way-through-Anxiety/9781606234648 

 

You can register on the site for free.  If you're in a bad way it's recommended that you meditate for 10 mins every two hours.

 

 

 

 

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Tears in my eyes after that game. I’m currently in Poland and had to find a stream that happened to be from South Africa, which is very unusual. Adverts are all for African things, the heat outside is 30 degrees and I’m on the beer. And I’ve been transported back 3 years to Cape Town and our title winning season. I’m so ****ing homesick right now!

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In a massive funk lately and can't seem to get the motivation to do anything about it.

 

Had a fantastic new experience at the weekend (way outside my usual comfort zone, and I've had a few 'false-starts' because of anxiety episodes), but any intention of doing more of that just adds to an already huge list of things which I want/need to either learn, do or buy, without nearly enough time in the day to actually address it all. The scale of it all is weighing down on me and making it difficult to even know where to begin, let alone do it. So in the end I just waste ridiculous amounts of time doing menial 'filler' stuff like watching TV/Youtube that I'm not actually interested in, just because I'm bored.

 

And then there's the constant reminder in the back of my head telling me that I need to forget about spending money on anything like that and instead prioritise saving money for a deposit for a house (which is taking way longer than I'd ever hoped) - which may not be the wisest idea with the uncertain market.

 

Apologies if some of that sounds super vague. Just feeling massively burnt-out and can't see a way to drag myself out of it at the minute.

Edited by Xen
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On 24/08/2019 at 13:46, Grebfromgrebland said:

These links are very useful and sessions available for group meditation in Leicester.

 

Supplementary Materials for The Mindful Way through Anxiety https://www.guilford.com/companion-site/The-Mindful-Way-through-Anxiety/9781606234648 

 

You can register on the site for free.  If you're in a bad way it's recommended that you meditate for 10 mins every two hours.

 

 

 

 

definitely a +1 on meditation from me.  I used to suffer from anxiety related stomach aches for YEARS (early teens to late 20's), it was the bane of my life.  I could never go out or do anything without getting into a tizz and spending an eternity on the throne (probably too much information).

 

Started meditating regularly and being more open to mindfullness in general and it was an absolute revelation.  

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1 minute ago, Tommo220 said:

definitely a +1 on meditation from me.  I used to suffer from anxiety related stomach aches for YEARS (early teens to late 20's), it was the bane of my life.  I could never go out or do anything without getting into a tizz and spending an eternity on the throne (probably too much information).

 

Started meditating regularly and being more open to mindfullness in general and it was an absolute revelation.  

That... actually sounds incredibly familiar. Often work myself up into a state of anxiety and end up constantly needing the bathroom (although in my case, not actually needing it, almost purely pyschological). Once spent about 2/3rds of my time in a Uni exam in/out of the room as I fell into a vicious cycle getting more and more stressed out about how little time was left, making me lose even more time...

 

Sounds like I need to give this meditation a go sometime. I tried out Headspace very briefly once and it seemed OK - guess I'll redownload it and try to give it a more prolonged attempt this time, as a starting point.

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18 hours ago, Xen said:

That... actually sounds incredibly familiar. Often work myself up into a state of anxiety and end up constantly needing the bathroom (although in my case, not actually needing it, almost purely pyschological). Once spent about 2/3rds of my time in a Uni exam in/out of the room as I fell into a vicious cycle getting more and more stressed out about how little time was left, making me lose even more time...

 

Sounds like I need to give this meditation a go sometime. I tried out Headspace very briefly once and it seemed OK - guess I'll redownload it and try to give it a more prolonged attempt this time, as a starting point.

10% Happier & Calm are two more apps which offer free trials. I would recommend trying them all to see which fits best. You don't need an app to meditate but it helps in getting started. Personally I preferred both of them over Headspace, but they all offer a similar thing really. Sam Harris also has an app called Waking Up, but having tried them all I wouldn't recommend it for beginners.

 

For me, over and above the physiologically calming effect you get when concentrating on your breathing (reason enough alone to do it IMO), meditation gave me insight to the cause of my suffering. That is, my thoughts were the cause of my anxiety and depression.

 

We can all tend to rush through our lives without slowing down and really viewing the internal workings of our mind. With enough practice, these internal workings can become observable and a sense of distance can be cultivated between you and them. These assumptions, fears, thoughts, self recriminations etc are likely very frequent occurrences for all posters in this thread, and yet without slowing down and taking time to look, we don't even notice they're happening most of the time.

 

Once you gain a bit of insight on them, they don't necessarily stop but they do hold less power over you. It does take practice though, much like going to the gym - if you fall out of practice, you become weak again.


 

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On 24/08/2019 at 16:20, ajthefox said:

I'm having CBT at the minute and it's been really helpful for me.

 

I get the chance to talk about my issues, my stresses and whatever I want really. The main thing though is that my therapist is always trying to help me unpick the negative, to see things in a more positive way and to help me change my behaviour in small ways that allow me to live a better life day by day.

 

Some people are more suited to it than others but I think if they've recommended it you should just trust them and go with it mate. 

 

If you do, be as open as you can and have faith. I nearly decided to change therapist after the first session and there are times where she doesn't quite get what I'm saying but on the whole it's been really good.

Agree totally with this - I had my first proper CBT today (after the first 'kick off' one). The materials and stuff are helpful, but the biggest thing was just talking to someone external to your life and them helping you work through it. Without sounding too airy fairy about it - as someone who keeps stuff bottled up in real life, being able to just be honest with someone outside your life felt pretty freeing - I couldnt have done that with someone I know. At first I didn't feel like the writing your worries down each day would help - but it does (or at least has for me in the last few days). I had my concerns too at first, but just thought f**k it, I'm going to buy completely into this, worst case, I've given it a go and might learn a few tips. @Paullcfc hope it goes well mate.

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Had my first session today(had to cancel Mondays(work,kid's etc).It was more of a sort of fact finding thing to see how things are at the moment.From the question's the lady asked me today i have improved with the anxiety side(due to the med's)but still down on the depression side.....never thought the two were linked before today!Anyway i have signed up to Silvercloud(It's a website where your CBT analyist can look at your answers to different modules and evaluate where you are.I was offered 1 to 1 but there is a waiting list and to be honest i don't think i could talk honestly face to face!The meds have been a bit up and down this week.After 3 week's of feeling fine and eating ok, this week had KFC on Monday and ate nothing else till tonight...just don't feel hungry and going bed at 5 in the afternoon is not good!(although i'm on a 6 in the morning-2 shift,not really fair on the family!)But i feel better at the moment than i have felt in years and lost a stone in weight!So i'm going to Knuckle down on the website and see where it goes.Looking forward to the match tommorow,because that is one question the lady asked me today"do you get any me time"!:)

Edited by PAULCFC
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Not sure if it will work for you guys over there, but 3 months free access to Headspace, I dont know much about it, but heard good things.

 

https://www.headspace.com/code

 

Code...

PRUSCHEADSPACE

 

Headspace is an web application for effective and controlled meditation, with different plans and exercises depending on what the user wants to achieve and program your meditation calendars according to how you want.

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How do people regain their 'Mojo'? I felt enthused and focused about things before I went away with my family to Poland. But I've been back for a week now and I can't focus or be enthused about anything. I wouldn't really even call it a holiday either TBH. Just feel a bit 'meh'.

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5 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

How do people regain their 'Mojo'? I felt enthused and focused about things before I went away with my family to Poland. But I've been back for a week now and I can't focus or be enthused about anything. I wouldn't really even call it a holiday either TBH. Just feel a bit 'meh'.

Same here in Hungary at the moment and all the sightseeing which I usually enjoy is feeling a bit of a drag. Part of me just wants to laze around do nothing but have to make an effort for the family.

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5 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

How do people regain their 'Mojo'? I felt enthused and focused about things before I went away with my family to Poland. But I've been back for a week now and I can't focus or be enthused about anything. I wouldn't really even call it a holiday either TBH. Just feel a bit 'meh'.

 

Well, how is a personal thing, I suppose, and it'll be different for everyone, but when I feel like that I do something just for me; sometimes it's ok to put yourself first.

 

As for what - I stick my hiking gear in my pack and take off hiking or canoe camping for a while and leave the 'noise' behind.

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7 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

How do people regain their 'Mojo'? I felt enthused and focused about things before I went away with my family to Poland. But I've been back for a week now and I can't focus or be enthused about anything. I wouldn't really even call it a holiday either TBH. Just feel a bit 'meh'.

It's the gym for me.

 

I've just been away for a week with the wife and kids and didn't realise how much I missed working out. I came back feeling down, lethargic and irritable. Went to the gym today and came back feeling a million dollars. Must be something to do with the old natural endorphins and all that.

 

Before we went away I had a routine of going the gym 3 times a week plus 2 Pilates classes. As Buce and HPF have stated I guess that's putting myself first, but the benefit is that when I'm then with other people I'm more energetic, positive and present so they also get the benefit of me going to the gym.

 

Works for me but like Buce says you gotta find your own thing that brings you alive and gets your Mojo flowing.

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ALWAYS put yourself first and do what you need to get out of the "down".

Your no good to anyone if your always putting others first and not actioning the REAL problems.

These issues are the most confusing aspect in life as in most cases there is no reasoning behind the lows.

We've all got to keep plugging away and action what we can to get over that low.

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I don't know what it is, but my anxiety is getting far worse. Whether i'm on tablets or not, it seems to always be here. It's pushing people away from how I am, and no one understands i can't help these irrational thoughts. Honestly feel like i'm broken and I am stuck like this forever. It's taken over my life. 

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16 minutes ago, Harrydc said:

I don't know what it is, but my anxiety is getting far worse. Whether i'm on tablets or not, it seems to always be here. It's pushing people away from how I am, and no one understands i can't help these irrational thoughts. Honestly feel like i'm broken and I am stuck like this forever. It's taken over my life. 

Hey mate, sorry to hear you are struggling, It is so difficult to feel that you are alone, but please understand that even when you feel that way, there are people who care.

Please give a doctor or family/friend a call, let them know you are suffering, they want to help.

 

Feel free to bang me a message if youd like to chat right now. :)

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7 hours ago, Harrydc said:

I don't know what it is, but my anxiety is getting far worse. Whether i'm on tablets or not, it seems to always be here. It's pushing people away from how I am, and no one understands i can't help these irrational thoughts. Honestly feel like i'm broken and I am stuck like this forever. It's taken over my life. 

You're not broken Harry.

 

None of us can help having irrational thoughts, but the key is whether you believe those thoughts to be true or not.

 

I have many irrational thoughts every day, but the difference now is that I realise they're just thoughts - not my reality.

 

Just because we think something irrational, it doesn't mean it's going to happen to us (in fact it rarely does). The danger is that if we 'latch on' to these negative thoughts and then start thinking about our thinking, we can disappear down rabbit holes, start catastrophising, and that makes us anxious. We have to 'stop it at source'.

 

Have you explored CBT or therapy? The tablets helped me but never really addressed the core issue of my thinking. Once I understood that my feelings are a direct result of my thinking, everything changed for the better.

 

People do and will understand, if you talk to them. You've got to find someone you can open up to and explore this with mate.

 

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7 hours ago, Harrydc said:

I don't know what it is, but my anxiety is getting far worse. Whether i'm on tablets or not, it seems to always be here. It's pushing people away from how I am, and no one understands i can't help these irrational thoughts. Honestly feel like i'm broken and I am stuck like this forever. It's taken over my life. 

One way I've used to put irrational thoughts in their place is applying realistic percentages to their possibility then calculating the overall likelihood of the outcome I fear.

 

For example:

I messed up at work so I'm going to get fired

So I won't have an income and can't support my family and my wife will leave me

So I'll never see my children again and will be miserable for the rest of my life (feared outcome)

 

Becomes:

 

I messed up at work so I'm going to get fired - 5% (I would have to mess up royally to be fired for one mistake, more likely I get a reprimand)

So I won't have an income and can't support my family and my wife will leave me - 10% (We can survive on unemployment benefit for a while without destroying our lifestyle and I can get another job)

So I'll never see my children again and will be miserable for the rest of my life - 10% (My wife would have to leave the country for this to happen, no court is going to deny me access as I'm no danger to them)

 

Giving a total possibility of the feared outcome of 5% x 10% x 10% = 0.05% that's a one in two thousand chance.

 

You'd never bet on those odds because realistically it's not going to happen!  So that should reduce the anxiety of the feared outcome.

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If anybody in Leicestershire is struggling and feels like they need a bit of support, there's two free to use services who can offer some basic mental health treatment who you can self refer to. 

 

https://www.mhm.org.uk/leicestershire-and-rutland-mental-health-wellbeing-and-recovery-service  - Loughborough, Melton etc

 

https://www.rflifelinks.co.uk/ - City centre

Edited by Lionator

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On 27/08/2019 at 14:20, Xen said:

In a massive funk lately and can't seem to get the motivation to do anything about it.

 

Had a fantastic new experience at the weekend (way outside my usual comfort zone, and I've had a few 'false-starts' because of anxiety episodes), but any intention of doing more of that just adds to an already huge list of things which I want/need to either learn, do or buy, without nearly enough time in the day to actually address it all. The scale of it all is weighing down on me and making it difficult to even know where to begin, let alone do it. So in the end I just waste ridiculous amounts of time doing menial 'filler' stuff like watching TV/Youtube that I'm not actually interested in, just because I'm bored.

 

And then there's the constant reminder in the back of my head telling me that I need to forget about spending money on anything like that and instead prioritise saving money for a deposit for a house (which is taking way longer than I'd ever hoped) - which may not be the wisest idea with the uncertain market.

 

Apologies if some of that sounds super vague. Just feeling massively burnt-out and can't see a way to drag myself out of it at the minute.

 

I can definitely empathise with this mate, if it's any consolation.

As it stands I have a steady job, a place I own and an other half I know I'm really lucky to have – but more often than not I just feel a big sense of malaise, and I find myself pining for a time I can't go back to (in my case, uni - and the years just after it, despite being in a better position now than I ever was whilst studying). Some days and evenings I really get into a huge rut and break down where the past thirteen years or so have vanished to.

I have loads of stuff on a "to do" list, but the thought of even approaching just makes me retreat to my pit or sofa, then I get worked up that I've hit my thirties, and the cycle seems never-ending. I'm an absolute king of putting things off until tomorrow and it's not through laziness.

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