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Been in a new job for a couple months that's causing me a lot of anxiety and stress, it's well paid and all feedback I've had from my manager has been really positive. There's no reason for me to be feeling like this. 

 

I've been in this position before with a job and it took me to a really bad place. 

 

The thought of going in today actually makes me feel sick to the stomach.

 

Without sounding like a lazy sod, I've always struggled with the concept of work and I'm not sure why (I've worked everyday since I left school, in my late twenties now). My ideal is a 9-5 job where I can get home and completely erase all things work related from my mind, I'm more than happy to take a hit on salary at the expense of more 'me' time, but having a young family to support gives added pressure to bring in the money. 

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20 minutes ago, Fosse93 said:

Been in a new job for a couple months that's causing me a lot of anxiety and stress, it's well paid and all feedback I've had from my manager has been really positive. There's no reason for me to be feeling like this. 

 

I've been in this position before with a job and it took me to a really bad place. 

 

The thought of going in today actually makes me feel sick to the stomach.

 

Without sounding like a lazy sod, I've always struggled with the concept of work and I'm not sure why (I've worked everyday since I left school, in my late twenties now). My ideal is a 9-5 job where I can get home and completely erase all things work related from my mind, I'm more than happy to take a hit on salary at the expense of more 'me' time, but having a young family to support gives added pressure to bring in the money. 

Sounds like you are both capable and competent regarding your new job but you are outside your comfort zone which is neither good for you or your employer.  Can you pinpoint exactly what it is about the job that is causing your anxiety and stress?  You may not think there is a reason but you shouldn't feel sick about a job without just cause.

 

Everyone is different so this may have no relevance but the only similar situation I can recall is one of my team during my working life.  He was excellent at his job, he was motivated to improve himself and 'go the extra mile' and I identified him as a candidate for promotion.  As his manager I discussed this with him and he was very positive.  When an opportunity arose I promoted him to a junior management position.  It was only after he took up the role that he discovered that he couldn't handle the additional stress that went with the job.  After struggling with it for a while he asked for his old job back, where he earned less and had fewer responsibilities but where he was happier.  In time I was able to arrange that.

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On 20/07/2020 at 11:13, FerrisBueller said:

Don't know if anyone has seen this before - but I do this every single night.

IMG_1066.PNG

Me too, maybe not every night, but I do more than I don’t. 
 

I used to think I just had trouble sleeping but since I’ve accepted that I struggle to fall asleep, I use it as a time of peace until the morning comes and I have to face the day again, not purposely, but it’s calm and I can think and feel the way I want to. 

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1 hour ago, pmcla26 said:

Me too, maybe not every night, but I do more than I don’t. 
 

I used to think I just had trouble sleeping but since I’ve accepted that I struggle to fall asleep, I use it as a time of peace until the morning comes and I have to face the day again, not purposely, but it’s calm and I can think and feel the way I want to. 

The importance of 'Me Time'.

 

It's a great time of day to do some thinking, for better or worse. Like you say, I find it calming, you can simply forget your obligations and really clear your head.

 

It's been a bit easier since I've been working from home as I slide effortlessly from bed to work lol

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On 19/07/2020 at 00:27, Ian Nacho said:

First time on the thread, not too sure if I even belong here, but I think it’s worthwhile for me to share my feelings. So before lockdown, everything was pretty normal for me as a young lad, with my only worries being girls and what on earth I’m going to do for my future career. For me, I think the routine of work was a bit of a distraction from my mental health, although lockdown has caused me a few issues regards to my mental health, it has allowed me to reflex and identify a few problems. Firstly, I never really realised that I had anxiety issues, but when I came to think about it, feeling sick to the stomach on you very first day of work is acceptable but when you’re 12 months into the job and you feel the same way (even though I quite enjoy the job) wasn’t quite normal. Moving on, I think everyone is prone to feeling down but there was one afternoon/evening which was a bit of a wake up call to take things more seriously regards to my mental health. Although I do often go out with friends and drink quite a bit, it definitely made me realise how much a difference the context of how and what you’re drinking makes. So I had a few beers and was enjoying the numbness of it all, until that numbness started to wear off, then I started knocking back the spirits, rum, whiskey, vodka. In total I probably had about 12-15 shots worth and I was passed out in bed for 18 odd hours. I think the fact I was extremely bored had a part to play in this, as I have no real responsibilities in my life, which can be tricky at times when you have no purpose within the 4 walls you’ve been in without really going anywhere. I’ve drank this much before but this time it felt so much different due to I was drinking all alone and not being in the best of moods. Once I woke up the following morning, I was truly embarrassed and ashamed of my actions. I told myself “What a stupid thing to do that was.” I’ve always felt that it would be incredibly easy to turn to the bottle and this shows it. Since, I’ve banned myself from drinking spirits, just sticking to drinking a couple of beers a week when I’m in company. Like I mentioned before, I don’t know if this is tendencies of depression as I’m not sad about anything in particular, just feeling sorry for myself (which is totally out of character) in general. I don’t know even if I have the right to say I’m depressed considering I’m so young and haven’t really gone through much. Anyway, I just feel like I had to share my experience with my mental health over the past few months. 

Chin up mate, it's normal for a young lad to feel a bit like that growing up, no responsibilities then you realise you're growing up etc. I suffer from anxiety issues too, but never really realised until my 20s.

 

Been plenty of nights I've had too many beers and regretted stuff the next day, happens to us all.

 

At least you're aware of what's going on, so that's a start, just keep an eye on it and yourself.

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On 19/07/2020 at 00:27, Ian Nacho said:

First time on the thread, not too sure if I even belong here, but I think it’s worthwhile for me to share my feelings. So before lockdown, everything was pretty normal for me as a young lad, with my only worries being girls and what on earth I’m going to do for my future career. For me, I think the routine of work was a bit of a distraction from my mental health, although lockdown has caused me a few issues regards to my mental health, it has allowed me to reflex and identify a few problems. Firstly, I never really realised that I had anxiety issues, but when I came to think about it, feeling sick to the stomach on you very first day of work is acceptable but when you’re 12 months into the job and you feel the same way (even though I quite enjoy the job) wasn’t quite normal. Moving on, I think everyone is prone to feeling down but there was one afternoon/evening which was a bit of a wake up call to take things more seriously regards to my mental health. Although I do often go out with friends and drink quite a bit, it definitely made me realise how much a difference the context of how and what you’re drinking makes. So I had a few beers and was enjoying the numbness of it all, until that numbness started to wear off, then I started knocking back the spirits, rum, whiskey, vodka. In total I probably had about 12-15 shots worth and I was passed out in bed for 18 odd hours. I think the fact I was extremely bored had a part to play in this, as I have no real responsibilities in my life, which can be tricky at times when you have no purpose within the 4 walls you’ve been in without really going anywhere. I’ve drank this much before but this time it felt so much different due to I was drinking all alone and not being in the best of moods. Once I woke up the following morning, I was truly embarrassed and ashamed of my actions. I told myself “What a stupid thing to do that was.” I’ve always felt that it would be incredibly easy to turn to the bottle and this shows it. Since, I’ve banned myself from drinking spirits, just sticking to drinking a couple of beers a week when I’m in company. Like I mentioned before, I don’t know if this is tendencies of depression as I’m not sad about anything in particular, just feeling sorry for myself (which is totally out of character) in general. I don’t know even if I have the right to say I’m depressed considering I’m so young and haven’t really gone through much. Anyway, I just feel like I had to share my experience with my mental health over the past few months. 

The fact you woke up and you felt embarrassed and ashamed tells it’s own story mate. Experience is a big part of drinking and “knowing your limits”. Sometimes it takes a dodgy night like that on your own to realise that you don’t want to be in that place again. I’ve been there and done it, and I’m sure many others on here have been in similar situations. The fact you’ve put steps in place to take care of it also shows you have a conscious state of mind to be able to take responsibility for what you’re doing. If you get chance, watch a documentary with Adrian Childs called Drinkers Like Me, it’s on YouTube and it’s brilliant. 

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10 hours ago, pmcla26 said:

Can anyone who has previous with SSRI’s and other anti depressants please let me know what the real short term and long term benefits and cons are, and if it’s better to go down the medication route or the therapy route? 
 

I have struggled with anxiety, mainly social anxiety when there’s large groups of people or I’m out by myself in public, and low mood for the last couple of years, but it’s only tomorrow I’m having a telephone consultation for the first time with my GP to try and start to resolve my problems.
 

I also have anger issues and a mild dependency on daily cannabis use and drinking. Some may judge me for that but I think it has some bearing on whether or not to go down the medication route so I feel it’s best to mention it. 
 

Im not suicidal and I do find some enjoyment in life, but I always have this overwhelming feeling of shame of who I am and feel afraid of people disliking me, mainly because I lost all my friends in the last year of school and others with those outside of school have drifted because I feel uncomfortable ‘going out with the lads’ due to my social anxiety, and feeling like I’m going to get into confrontation because I had a lot of fights during school. I wasn’t always the aggressor in the situations, most of the time the reactor, but I do feel ashamed of sometimes how I let certain situations affect me or escalate instead of avoiding them or stopping them. 
 

My parents messy marriage break down hasnt helped, I know some may think just get over it because it’s not your relationship and I’m my own man with my own partner, but I’ve witnessed and had to listen to a lot of shit whilst they’re coked up and pissed, and had things directed at me as well because of my mental problems. I work full time Monday-Friday but I still live at home with both as I can’t be solely independent financially at the moment. 


I’m a young adult and will admit I don’t have a lot of life experience, and there will be people who have much bigger responsibilities than I have to worry about, but I genuinely just feel like I’m going around in circles and each time I go round, a little bit of my old personality dies. I used to be a confident lad, loved playing football and had some good friends, I really just wanna feel like my old self and any tips on what to bear in mind going into my consultation tomorrow would be appreciated, as I am a bit anxious about it. 
 

Just wanted to say as well, thanks to you guys on FoxesTalk. I know sometimes we all get frustrated at negativity from posters and there can be the odd spat on here, but the general chat about our common passion helps distract me every day. Like I said, I don’t have loads of friends so it’s nice to have that interaction with people who love the same thing that I do, even if it is only on the internet. You guys don’t know me and don’t mean to do it but you really do help me. 
 


 

 

I only took antidepressants for a short period but found them beneficial.  When I was diagnosed with depression my GP told me that this had caused physiological changes, basically my body wasn't producing the right chemicals as a result, this was preventing me feeling happy when I should have been.  This was a vicious circle which was making me more depressed and this downward cycle had to be broken.  Antidepressants were the way to do this.  After taking them for a few days I started to feel better, not happy just more normal, and within a couple of weeks I was almost back to my old self.  I stopped taking them after a month without any significant side effects.

 

Antidepressants helped me but they didn't cure me of depression.  The root cause of that was my state of mind, how I felt about myself and events surrounding me.  In order to feel better about myself I had to get my thinking sorted out.  It doesn't work for everyone but for me Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) changed my life.  This is a method of changing the way you feel, and helped me put my thoughts into perspective.  My GP recommended a book on it to me, I read it and tried to put its recommendations into practice - I didn't have any counselling.  I got out of my depression through CBT and I've managed to stop it returning for the past twenty years.  I also haven't needed to take antidepressants again.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I’ve currently got a person I know who’s at breaking point with regards to depression, something we’ve known about for some time but recently they’ve gone to the extreme of self harming!

They’ve been trying to refuse help and I know that can be quite common due to it being hard to open up, would really appreciate any advice?

 

i also would really appreciate some advice in regards to mental health services? I really want them to get the best help that they can get and I know certain services have been stripped, does anyone recommend a route to get the help they need? And also if they’d recommend alternative routes to the NHS? And anything specific to Leicester?

 

thanks in advance 

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5 hours ago, LCFCbwoi said:

I’ve currently got a person I know who’s at breaking point with regards to depression, something we’ve known about for some time but recently they’ve gone to the extreme of self harming!

They’ve been trying to refuse help and I know that can be quite common due to it being hard to open up, would really appreciate any advice?

 

i also would really appreciate some advice in regards to mental health services? I really want them to get the best help that they can get and I know certain services have been stripped, does anyone recommend a route to get the help they need? And also if they’d recommend alternative routes to the NHS? And anything specific to Leicester?

 

thanks in advance 

Sorry to here that mate, I came in here and was going to post something very similar.

 

I guess all you can do as a friend is listen to them, let them know that things will get better but sometimes people need some outside help.

 

As far as support outside the NHS, google CBT and there will be a list of therapists. When my other half was struggling with depression that really helped. I suspect these may be over Skype at the minute but hopefully they are back up and running as face time face. I think they range from between £30/£40 an hour.

 

One of my mates got dumped by his long term partner mid lockdown pretty much out of the blue and they were about a month away from completing on a house. He hasn’t really been given any reason so he’s told me and he’s really struggling to the point where he has told me about an hour ago he has googled suicide. I haven’t got his address and I haven’t got a ****ing car to drive over there and get him. But he has assured me he won’t do anything. 

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6 hours ago, LCFCbwoi said:

I’ve currently got a person I know who’s at breaking point with regards to depression, something we’ve known about for some time but recently they’ve gone to the extreme of self harming!

They’ve been trying to refuse help and I know that can be quite common due to it being hard to open up, would really appreciate any advice?

 

i also would really appreciate some advice in regards to mental health services? I really want them to get the best help that they can get and I know certain services have been stripped, does anyone recommend a route to get the help they need? And also if they’d recommend alternative routes to the NHS? And anything specific to Leicester?

 

thanks in advance 

There’s a service coming shortly to Leicester that’ll be held at the King Power called Goal Difference.

 

It’s held at a few other clubs already.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think I'm in the worst mental state I've ever been in. I don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel and I don't really feel like I'm living, just occupying space on God's green earth until sometime that I'm not . 'I don't wanna die but I ain't keen on living either' resonates, like if I found myself at St Peter's Gate I wouldn't be disappointed but I'm not actively looking to get there

 

I don't know if I'm depressed but I am angry. So ****ing angry. Everyone's a ****, everything is against me, I'm confident that every decision Ive made in the last 12 months has been wrong, and nothing really makes sense to me anymore. Nothing is as it should be, there is so much wrong with how the world functions that I can't cope with it. 

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On 03/08/2020 at 17:54, LCFCbwoi said:

I’ve currently got a person I know who’s at breaking point with regards to depression, something we’ve known about for some time but recently they’ve gone to the extreme of self harming!

They’ve been trying to refuse help and I know that can be quite common due to it being hard to open up, would really appreciate any advice?

 

i also would really appreciate some advice in regards to mental health services? I really want them to get the best help that they can get and I know certain services have been stripped, does anyone recommend a route to get the help they need? And also if they’d recommend alternative routes to the NHS? And anything specific to Leicester?

 

thanks in advance 

Sorry I cannot answer the question, but in terms of self harm, ask your friend to wear elastic bands around their wrist.

 

if they feel they want to cause themselves pain, pull hard on the band.

 

sorry if this doesn’t help, but may work 

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8 hours ago, Kopfkino said:

I think I'm in the worst mental state I've ever been in. I don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel and I don't really feel like I'm living, just occupying space on God's green earth until sometime that I'm not . 'I don't wanna die but I ain't keen on living either' resonates, like if I found myself at St Peter's Gate I wouldn't be disappointed but I'm not actively looking to get there

 

I don't know if I'm depressed but I am angry. So ****ing angry. Everyone's a ****, everything is against me, I'm confident that every decision Ive made in the last 12 months has been wrong, and nothing really makes sense to me anymore. Nothing is as it should be, there is so much wrong with how the world functions that I can't cope with it. 

Others have already answered you brilliantly. What I will say is I hear you, and I could have written similar right now. You're not alone, and you have a fine mind.

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@Kopfkino

 

One other thing mate. I sense you like reading and would encourage you to get a book called 'Your brain at work' by David Rock.

 

I may have posted this before but Rock talks about the 'SCARF' model which is related to Maslows human needs. He says that if any of these needs are not being met in our daily lives, we can feel exactly like you've mentioned above. Have a quick look at this list and my guess is that most if all of these are not being met for you in your life right now:

 

Status - the need to stand out from the crowd. The need to feel special, worthwhile and like you're making a difference in the world

Certainty - the need to feel certain that the basics in life are in place so that you're free to explore, take risks and experiment without fear

Autonomy - the need to be master of your own destiny and not trapped by being controlled by others. The freedom to choose your own path in life

Relatedness - the need to feel loved and connected. We're social animals and we need human validation. 

Fairness - the need for things to be fair and just. To feel like we're being treated fairly and that we're treating others with fairness.

 

We don't necessarily have to get all these needs met through our work or education either. Some people get their Status and Relatedness from stuff outside of work for example. The main thing is to find something in your life which helps meet these 5 needs. We all have a preference on what needs are more important to us (mine used to be Status and Certainty but are now Autonomy and Relatedness for example)

 

Anyway, hope that helps.

 

Izzy

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Imo, CBT  and other 'talking it through' therapies are a waste of time, when trying to cope with depression. Why? Because the therapists don't really know how much their patients may be suffering mentally. They have standard questions like, 'How does that make you feel?', which give you the chance to explain. But having explained how you feel, nothing really improves, because the therapists themselves aren't you, and they aren't hard-wired to think like you. And if you tell them stuff that causes them to dislike you, that can make the therapy an even bigger waste of time. The best therapy is to indulge big-time in whatever turns you on, be it retail therapy, getting smashed on vodka, or whatever else helps to distract you from your current mindset. Be dead selfish, if that's what it takes to make the dark clouds become a bit less dark.

Edited by String fellow
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5 hours ago, String fellow said:

Imo, CBT  and other 'talking it through' therapies are a waste of time, when trying to cope with depression. Why? Because the therapists don't really know how much their patients may be suffering mentally. They have standard questions like, 'How does that make you feel?', which give you the chance to explain. But having explained how you feel, nothing really improves, because the therapists themselves aren't you, and they aren't hard-wired to think like you. And if you tell them stuff that causes them to dislike you, that can make the therapy an even bigger waste of time. The best therapy is to indulge big-time in whatever turns you on, be it retail therapy, getting smashed on vodka, or whatever else helps to distract you from your current mindset. Be dead selfish, if that's what it takes to make the dark clouds become a bit less dark.

Depends on therapist. Two experiences with me. One therapist was incredibly close to the script and worksheets. Found it difficult to connect 

 

Other therapist, far more experienced, part private (offered his service to the GP two days a week) was better, he could sense where the anxiety was and un-pick it. 

Edited by Cardiff_Fox
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I hate it when you try to do something positive and it just seems no matter how hard you work or how well you feel you’re doing, it just isn’t working. 
 

Decided to try get back on the non league ladder with football this year after a year away from football, admittedly, when I first went back to training I was not as sharp as what I was before but feel like I’m training the best I ever have done now - reset my distribution and other technique due to the break allowing me to go back to basics, done some extra fitness work away from football plus I’m getting on with all the lads, and then team news for first game of pre season comes around and I’m on the bench and number 2 keeper. 
 

Gonna use some perseverance and try to prove myself again but just feels like I’m coming up short in all walks of life at the moment. I just get really pissed off how hard work is over looked in non league/competitive youth football for lads who have paid for btec college courses under professional club names or whatever when there are lads who have played step 4, 5 and 6 as teenagers and just simply worked hard because they enjoy playing, not because they’re flash etc.
 

Not what I need when one of the only things that seems to bring me joy at the minute is now getting me down. Hopefully I get a half or something Monday to prove myself and get back in contention. 

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