Jump to content
Pinkman

Depression

Recommended Posts

11 hours ago, Ollie93 said:

I used to feel the same. But something which has helped me is changing who I was 'relying' on. Try and be the organiser, and if people don't want to do stuff then that's on them. Find something which interests you and throw yourself into it, I've recently started a podcast, i'm only 5 episodes in but I've already reconnected with old friends through it!

Your probably write, in the past I've tried to do a youtube channel maybe it's time for that to make a return.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 14/08/2020 at 09:57, Izzy said:

@Kopfkino

 

One other thing mate. I sense you like reading and would encourage you to get a book called 'Your brain at work' by David Rock.

 

I may have posted this before but Rock talks about the 'SCARF' model which is related to Maslows human needs. He says that if any of these needs are not being met in our daily lives, we can feel exactly like you've mentioned above. Have a quick look at this list and my guess is that most if all of these are not being met for you in your life right now:

 

Status - the need to stand out from the crowd. The need to feel special, worthwhile and like you're making a difference in the world

Certainty - the need to feel certain that the basics in life are in place so that you're free to explore, take risks and experiment without fear

Autonomy - the need to be master of your own destiny and not trapped by being controlled by others. The freedom to choose your own path in life

Relatedness - the need to feel loved and connected. We're social animals and we need human validation. 

Fairness - the need for things to be fair and just. To feel like we're being treated fairly and that we're treating others with fairness.

 

We don't necessarily have to get all these needs met through our work or education either. Some people get their Status and Relatedness from stuff outside of work for example. The main thing is to find something in your life which helps meet these 5 needs. We all have a preference on what needs are more important to us (mine used to be Status and Certainty but are now Autonomy and Relatedness for example)

 

Anyway, hope that helps.

 

Izzy

 

Just downloaded the audioboook for it and then the start of the book basically tells me why I shouldn't be listening to the audiobook whilst doing other taxing stuff lol. Seems made for me. 

 

As for Scarf, I think it's safe to say that right now all of it is in the shitter. Related to your other post, I have it quite clear in my mind how to address the problem a d I know what it is that I want but the path there is a struggle rn. The first domino needs to fall before they can all go and getting the first to fall relies on the job market. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 19/08/2020 at 14:56, Ollie93 said:

Do you have a passion that you could monetise? Literally anything can be done online to create income. Easier said than done i Know

Plenty of passions - one or two I’m working on long term (African wildlife photography and screenwriting). I suppose my problem is that I don’t have the mindset to explore anything other than a 9-5 kinda job. And I really don’t want a 9-5 kinda job. I don’t feel like I’m capable of carving out a career that differs from the “norm”; I don’t feel like I’m capable of even trying. That’s an endless vicious cycle that I can’t break. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 22/08/2020 at 01:22, urban.spaceman said:

Plenty of passions - one or two I’m working on long term (African wildlife photography and screenwriting). I suppose my problem is that I don’t have the mindset to explore anything other than a 9-5 kinda job. And I really don’t want a 9-5 kinda job. I don’t feel like I’m capable of carving out a career that differs from the “norm”; I don’t feel like I’m capable of even trying. That’s an endless vicious cycle that I can’t break. 

If I could give you any piece of advice is just start, use this new job to save up say 6 months of 'expenses' then quit and follow your photography and screenwriting dream. If it doesn't work at least you know you've tried.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Big day for me tomorrow, got my first appointment with a personal trainer! My weight struggle is partly down to my mental health issues but also I've always found it really difficult to work out because of injuries from a massive car crash a number of years ago. Hoping that he can help with my mental health but also help find a way of doing it with pain management. Kinda nervous but looking forward to it!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Big day for me tomorrow, got my first appointment with a personal trainer! My weight struggle is partly down to my mental health issues but also I've always found it really difficult to work out because of injuries from a massive car crash a number of years ago. Hoping that he can help with my mental health but also help find a way of doing it with pain management. Kinda nervous but looking forward to it!

I've lost 20 pounds in the last couple months. Sure makes a big difference for me as to how I feel.

 

Best of luck.

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, urban.spaceman said:

Big day for me tomorrow, got my first appointment with a personal trainer! My weight struggle is partly down to my mental health issues but also I've always found it really difficult to work out because of injuries from a massive car crash a number of years ago. Hoping that he can help with my mental health but also help find a way of doing it with pain management. Kinda nervous but looking forward to it!

Hope all goes well. 👍🏼

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

After 6 months of feeling pretty good I'm back in here.

Not surprisingly it coincides with the kids going back to school. My oldest has had issues with the odd bit of bullying from a certain child all the way through that has never really been resolved. Started back last Friday and has gone in everyday seemingly happy said he has had really good days and even walked in from the gate on his own yesterday which was massive progress.

Today he was literally fighting me not to go. Screaming, shouting and crying his eyes out. Won't tell us what's happened and had to take him and sit in the school office with him for an hour before he reluctantly agreed to go to class.

 

Once again school brushing it off saying they are doubtful anything has seriously happened as he's only been back for a few days. Feel so helpless and that we are not taken seriously and straight away I am driven back to this thread.

 

I know for many they couldn't wait for their kids to go back to school after this long break but I was loving it. It was the happiest he has ever been. Now he's back the stress, strain and heartache is back with a bang.

  • Sad 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Rain King said:

After 6 months of feeling pretty good I'm back in here.

Not surprisingly it coincides with the kids going back to school. My oldest has had issues with the odd bit of bullying from a certain child all the way through that has never really been resolved. Started back last Friday and has gone in everyday seemingly happy said he has had really good days and even walked in from the gate on his own yesterday which was massive progress.

Today he was literally fighting me not to go. Screaming, shouting and crying his eyes out. Won't tell us what's happened and had to take him and sit in the school office with him for an hour before he reluctantly agreed to go to class.

 

Once again school brushing it off saying they are doubtful anything has seriously happened as he's only been back for a few days. Feel so helpless and that we are not taken seriously and straight away I am driven back to this thread.

 

I know for many they couldn't wait for their kids to go back to school after this long break but I was loving it. It was the happiest he has ever been. Now he's back the stress, strain and heartache is back with a bang.

Bullying sucks. 

 

Best wishes for your son.

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Getting quite anxious. I've got a new job starting after months of the recruitment process. Got contacted yesterday to discuss a start date as they are keen to have me on board as soon as possible.

 

I explained my one month notice period from my current employer plus asked for an extra week to be safe so we agreed a start date accordingly next month.

 

Having handed in my notice, my team are asking if I can delay the start date by another week to help them in finding a replacement. (Despite them being aware I was have been looking to move on for some time).

 

I am obviously not contractually obliged to do so but I did get on well with my colleagues so I do sympathise.

 

But I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with my new employers either. I've worked incredibly hard for this opportunity and hope to build a solid relationship. Having already agreed a later start, will it look bad on my part to ask for yet another extension? Am I over-thinking this?

 

I just feel guilty leaving them in the lurch but would also feel awkward if my request for additional time be refused. 

 

Don't know how others best cope with the transition between moving jobs. I'm trying to keep everyone happy but losing my own happiness in the process.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 01/09/2020 at 20:00, urban.spaceman said:

Big day for me tomorrow, got my first appointment with a personal trainer! My weight struggle is partly down to my mental health issues but also I've always found it really difficult to work out because of injuries from a massive car crash a number of years ago. Hoping that he can help with my mental health but also help find a way of doing it with pain management. Kinda nervous but looking forward to it!


 

Hello Chap. how did you get on?

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Crinklyfox said:

It's your current employer's problem to manage their resources.  Of course they'd like you to stay on until their needs are met, after that they won't be concerned about you or your future career.  

 

If you've agreed a start date with your new employer that's a commitment.  It will look bad if you delay it.  An employer wants committed employees, not ones with a foot in both camps.

 

I was a manager in my working life and sometimes staff left before a replacement was found, that's an issue I had to deal with as part of my job.  It usually meant reallocating internal resources for a short period or bringing in temporary contract staff.  Either way, it wasn't an insurmountable problem.  I've never had a new starter ask to delay their employment because they wanted to work extra time at their old employer.

 

Your new employer will have a need for your services, potentially an urgent one if they are dealing with the previous incumbent in your new position having left.  If you delay your start date you may well inconvenience them and I doubt that they would take it well.

 

If I was in your position I would advise your old employer that you have made a commitment to your new employer, so while you would love to be able to help them out it simply isn't possible.

 

Good luck in your new position.

I agree with this, and also add that if you feel bad for your old colleagues, this sort of situation may give one of them the opportunity to step up - automatically replacing someone by recruiting externally is a barrier to the progression of existing employees.  It may be the case that the experience/skills gap is too big for someone else to jump, but when actually put in that position, some will do their very best to get up to speed.

 

Like has already been said, mind, this is not your problem. Everything's been agreed and it's a bit out of order for them to even ask you to hang around a bit longer

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

2 weeks out of a breakup of 7 years, living together for 2. She ended it for not having the same feelings anymore. It's been absolutely shit and although I feel like I'm coming out the other side somewhat it has been an absolutely horrible time for me. Maybe the worst I've ever felt. We are having to move back to our parents (at 30 that is pretty demoralising in itself) so having to pack the house bit by bit day by day is making things hard.

 

I don't claim to have depression nor have I ever felt as though I have but if it's anything like this intense sadness I've felt these last 2 weeks then hats off to people who deal with it for years and years. 

 

I'm trying to keep busy and let time take its course like everyone tells you to but it is difficult to look to the future in the same way anymore. Anyone got any break up advice?

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Ozwin said:

2 weeks out of a breakup of 7 years, living together for 2. She ended it for not having the same feelings anymore. It's been absolutely shit and although I feel like I'm coming out the other side somewhat it has been an absolutely horrible time for me. Maybe the worst I've ever felt. We are having to move back to our parents (at 30 that is pretty demoralising in itself) so having to pack the house bit by bit day by day is making things hard.

 

I don't claim to have depression nor have I ever felt as though I have but if it's anything like this intense sadness I've felt these last 2 weeks then hats off to people who deal with it for years and years. 

 

I'm trying to keep busy and let time take its course like everyone tells you to but it is difficult to look to the future in the same way anymore. Anyone got any break up advice?

Posting here is a very good step - don't let things build up, make sure you have healthy outlets.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Ozwin said:

2 weeks out of a breakup of 7 years, living together for 2. She ended it for not having the same feelings anymore. It's been absolutely shit and although I feel like I'm coming out the other side somewhat it has been an absolutely horrible time for me. Maybe the worst I've ever felt. We are having to move back to our parents (at 30 that is pretty demoralising in itself) so having to pack the house bit by bit day by day is making things hard.

 

I don't claim to have depression nor have I ever felt as though I have but if it's anything like this intense sadness I've felt these last 2 weeks then hats off to people who deal with it for years and years. 

 

I'm trying to keep busy and let time take its course like everyone tells you to but it is difficult to look to the future in the same way anymore. Anyone got any break up advice?

In a few weeks and months, you'll be glad that it happened and move on. Not by rushing into another relationship but the release by getting out of this toxic one by the sounds of things. 

 

Keep busy with work, walks and exercise will help but don't stay indoors all day  or hit the drinks whatsoever. Think of it as a chance to reconnect with your parents too. Good luck dude.

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Ozwin said:

2 weeks out of a breakup of 7 years, living together for 2. She ended it for not having the same feelings anymore. It's been absolutely shit and although I feel like I'm coming out the other side somewhat it has been an absolutely horrible time for me. Maybe the worst I've ever felt. We are having to move back to our parents (at 30 that is pretty demoralising in itself) so having to pack the house bit by bit day by day is making things hard.

 

I don't claim to have depression nor have I ever felt as though I have but if it's anything like this intense sadness I've felt these last 2 weeks then hats off to people who deal with it for years and years. 

 

I'm trying to keep busy and let time take its course like everyone tells you to but it is difficult to look to the future in the same way anymore. Anyone got any break up advice?

I can only draw from my own experience here, but it is really bloody easy to think that you'll never be happy again and that the future is empty. Time can and does heal - as it has done with me - but sometimes it takes a while and don't expect too much of yourself in terms of speed when it comes to getting back to "normal" after something like this.

 

I don't have any really more salient advice beyond the above - try to keep busy and to talk to people you trust for the sake of an outlet - but if you ever want to talk about it more specifically, you can inbox me. :)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, newfox1 said:

In a few weeks and months, you'll be glad that it happened and move on. Not by rushing into another relationship but the release by getting out of this toxic one by the sounds of things. 

 

Keep busy with work, walks and exercise will help but don't stay indoors all day  or hit the drinks whatsoever. Think of it as a chance to reconnect with your parents too. Good luck dude.

 

Nah it wasn't toxic in the slightest. In fact I haven't really been told what she's thinking, just that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. In time maybe we can talk again but I've basically gone no contact other than when we have to sort the house out because it's just too hard. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, leicsmac said:

I can only draw from my own experience here, but it is really bloody easy to think that you'll never be happy again and that the future is empty. Time can and does heal - as it has done with me - but sometimes it takes a while and don't expect too much of yourself in terms of speed when it comes to getting back to "normal" after something like this.

 

I don't have any really more salient advice beyond the above - try to keep busy and to talk to people you trust for the sake of an outlet - but if you ever want to talk about it more specifically, you can inbox me. :)

👏 great post.

i was also about to say time is a great healer but your post sums things up perfectly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Ozwin said:

2 weeks out of a breakup of 7 years, living together for 2. She ended it for not having the same feelings anymore. It's been absolutely shit and although I feel like I'm coming out the other side somewhat it has been an absolutely horrible time for me. Maybe the worst I've ever felt. We are having to move back to our parents (at 30 that is pretty demoralising in itself) so having to pack the house bit by bit day by day is making things hard.

 

I don't claim to have depression nor have I ever felt as though I have but if it's anything like this intense sadness I've felt these last 2 weeks then hats off to people who deal with it for years and years. 

 

I'm trying to keep busy and let time take its course like everyone tells you to but it is difficult to look to the future in the same way anymore. Anyone got any break up advice?

I'm really sorry to hear this. It's good to hear that you feel like you're coming out the other side, don't be surprised though if for quite a while things will randomly set you back a bit, sometimes it's the smallest things that can set us off again.

 

I've seen many people go through similar, and it may not feel like it right now but it's always because those two people weren't right together. In time you will find a much better relationship and you'll look back on this time as a turning point in your life. For now, make the most of having some time to yourself. Do something you've been putting off, or something you've always wanted to but haven't got round to, just focus on yourself while you have the chance. As another poster said, it will be a great opportunity to spend some time with your folks too, even though it perhaps isn't ideal timing, not all of us get the chance to do that so embrace the positives :)

 

Hope you're ok, and like others have said, keep talking if you need to x

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks guys. Yesterday was the first day I felt a bit like myself again. Today I've had to pack away some stuff in the house and it's just brought me down a bit.

 

I miss talking to her and feel lonely. It's definitely going to take me a fair while before I feel somewhat like normal. :(

  • Sad 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Ozwin said:

Thanks guys. Yesterday was the first day I felt a bit like myself again. Today I've had to pack away some stuff in the house and it's just brought me down a bit.

 

I miss talking to her and feel lonely. It's definitely going to take me a fair while before I feel somewhat like normal. :(

Just to echo a few other comments about time, as dull as  that sounds. 

 

I got blindsided after 12 years a few years ago. To say I was shellshocked is an understatement. 

 

I couldn't do the clean break, as I was advised. But i was strategic. I decided it'd be a long haul and realised the next 12-18 months would be shite. I unpicked myself from her stitch by stitch, slowly slowing down contact and texts and the occasional make up shag.

 

Slowly - and a deliberate tactic - was to change myself slowly...not some dramatic chnage which (I felt) woild.look.like a mid life crisis.

 

Started a new  hobby. Changed job. Got fitter. Got a tan. Slowly improved my wardrobe. Cut my hair better. Over a period of time, the subtle changes start to.make you feel better about yourself.

 

Basically, my advice is to adopt tiny baby steps and just accept it's gonna take a while to get better. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...