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Mickyblueeyes

A question for parents on others who have been in a similar situation

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14 hours ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

Don't advise him.

 

Coach him through open questions instead and let him work it out for himself.

 

People are much more motivated to take action on their own ideas and solutions than by ever being told what to do by someone else.

 

I stopped advising friends and family years ago because people just end up pleasing themselves anyway.

 

The brain with the problem is the brain with the solution...

 

 

This is pretty much what I was going to say, stop advising him and start supporting his decisions.

 

At the risk of going all Cat Stephens, it's you you know, not him.

 

I'm 31 now and I listen to my dad when he gives advice more for his sakes than mine. Mary Schmich summed it up nicely in her Sunscreen essay:

 

"Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth."

 

In short, he needs to work through this stage of his life with his own ideas and he's probably going to do that anyway. Just stick around to back him up if he balls it up.

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It seems to me that your son is, in part, suffering from a lack of confidence And self worth. He seems to get upset by not feeling valued. What Izzy is basically saying by ' don't advise him' is that by working this out by himself, he will take control back of his life and gain confidence by being a decision maker. 

 

 

B y all means, throw some ideas his way but he is never going to be able to figure things out if people always make his decisions for him. I'm not saying that's what is going on here, but  its a very common problem that some people, even adults with children  have- They don't actually know how to make the major decisions for themselves  because they haven't really had  an opportunity to.  Some people also struggling with leaving work at work - that's also a very empowering trait to learn...

 

Throw ideas his way but do it in a way that makes him think.. " have you thought about this... thought about that"  " How important is money to you?"  Stuff like that.

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Ok, so i started another thread about a year back as i was in the same position your son is in. I'm still in my job now, but my new website is about to go live and this is essentially stage 1 of my plan to get out of work and become self employed. 

 

Of all the things i've done and all the things i've read - the best thing you could do in my experience is buy him this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Be-F-cking-Awesome-ebook/dp/B01EVNDDAA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498049489&sr=1-1

 

I felt lost in my journey for a long time - but it was this book that opened my eyes to the possibilities in front of me and really got me motivated to make a change. 

If you or tour son want to chat further, let me know - I'd be happy to share my experiences! 

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All the advice makes a lot of sense. I am inclined to offer advice, being his dad but guidance over advice is definitely the way to go. He is a talented lad, if I do say so myself. However, I think, like most people his age, he is just trying to find his calling. Ambition is a dangerous thing. 

 

Thanks for the offers of advice. I'll let you know how he gets on

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