Failures with the opposite sex.

[Nalis]

I'm notoriously bad with names but back in the day I pulled some bird in a club and kept getting her name wrong before veing corrected. Despite this we eventually swapped numbers.

 

The next day I texted her confidently, 'Hi Louise, blah blah blah....' . About twenty minutes later I received a reply whilst in a taxi '....blah blah blah.' Signed od with: 'Actually my name is Laura.' . What made it better for me was that the taxi driver was from Ghana and ask me what was so funny when he saw me smiling so I told him and he found it way funnier than it really was, so much so than he had to pull over until he stopped laughing!

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Buce said:

 

That's ok, FIF.

 

Just tell us about your failures with the same sex then.

You can tell them and then I'll know why. 

[Spudulike]

I was in the South of France with a mate.

 

There was a stunning French girl (funnily enough) in the local Supermarket that he fell for and was desparate to speak to. So we made a special trip, bought some stuff that we really didn't need and stood in the queue at her check-out eventhough others were empty.  Now my French is ropey at best but his was virtually non-existant. As we put our stuff into bags and paid up I tried to speak to her in my rubbish French whilst my mate stood and oggled, clueless. 

 

As we went I said, "merci, au revoir" whilst my mate was obviously busting a gut to say something and blurted out "petit pois"

 

She just gave him a blank look whilst I cracked up. We didn't go back.

[Alf Bentley]

2 hours ago, Spudulike said:

I was in the South of France with a mate.

 

There was a stunning French girl (funnily enough) in the local Supermarket that he fell for and was desparate to speak to. So we made a special trip, bought some stuff that we really didn't need and stood in the queue at her check-out eventhough others were empty.  Now my French is ropey at best but his was virtually non-existant. As we put our stuff into bags and paid up I tried to speak to her in my rubbish French whilst my mate stood and oggled, clueless. 

 

As we went I said, "merci, au revoir" whilst my mate was obviously busting a gut to say something and blurted out "petit pois"

 

She just gave him a blank look whilst I cracked up. We didn't go back.

 

If he was going to have a Tourette's moment about her anatomy, he could at least have tried "gros melons" instead of "petit pois".... 

[Buce]

2 hours ago, Spudulike said:

I was in the South of France with a mate.

 

There was a stunning French girl (funnily enough) in the local Supermarket that he fell for and was desparate to speak to. So we made a special trip, bought some stuff that we really didn't need and stood in the queue at her check-out eventhough others were empty.  Now my French is ropey at best but his was virtually non-existant. As we put our stuff into bags and paid up I tried to speak to her in my rubbish French whilst my mate stood and oggled, clueless. 

 

As we went I said, "merci, au revoir" whilst my mate was obviously busting a gut to say something and blurted out "petit pois"

 

She just gave him a blank look whilst I cracked up. We didn't go back.

 

 

[Parafox]

On ‎1‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 20:53, Webbo said:

Not sure if this is worth a thread but I remembered today something that happened to me years ago.

 

Helen was my sister's friend, I'd known her since we were kids, played hide and seek etc and talked to her no problem. She was 2 or 3 years younger than me. By the time she was 15 or 16 she was like a film star, stunningly beautiful, so much so that I always got nervous around her. I'd be around 18-19 when I was looking for something in my dad's car and Helen started walking up the street. I was wearing my glasses and at the time I hated anyone seeing me in them. I panicked a bit, I can't let Helen see me in my specs, so I took them off and pretended to be cleaning them. "Hello Helen" I said as she was passing when just then in my nervousness I actually snapped my glasses in half right in front of her. Tbf to her she did try not to laugh until she was out of earshot.

 

It was so humiliating, needless to say I never had any success when it came to Helen.

My greatest love was a Helen, I love the name and anyone called Helen get's my attention.

 

Unless they're a munter, I hope your Helen wasn't. That would be disappointing for me.

[BeardyFox]

Met a friend of a mates girlfriend while at uni, she was a stunning red head with a great sense of humour and we clicked straight away. After swapping numbers and messaging a lot for a week I plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date, she accepted, I was on cloud 9. I’d been single for sometime and had a dry spell that put the Sahara to shame.

The day before I had a terrible bout of the squits, not wanting to miss perhaps my one chance with her I still went on the date. 

I had to sit through The Golden Compass while sweating and trying not to sh*t myself, I was sweating in places I didn’t know was possible! Needless to say the combination of the smell of b.o, turds and limited conversation did not get me a second date!

[Great Boos Up]

At 21 I was stood up at the alter.

I win!

Sounds a sad story and it was but after a long time I learnt to like myself again and be more understanding to other people's circumstances.

[Countryfox]

1 hour ago, Great Boos Up said:

At 21 I was stood up at the alter.

I win!

Sounds a sad story and it was but after a long time I learnt to like myself again and be more understanding to other people's circumstances.

 

You win Boosy ....           

 

[fuchsntf]

I wasit c was timd foroing back to England on the ferry, I noticed a foreign girl having pro b lems v with understanding the ques t ions

that the cu s toms put to her over her two big suitcases.After sorting that out I tried to play the English gentleman, by offering to help

her with her suitcases onto the train.She gave me an hell of a sexy smile, a little more than mistrust in her thoughts.

We got lnto the train so I helped into the carriage.> one of those older ones with compartments, with corridors-<

She thanked me, I left to get my small backpack, decided to retrack to her compartment...

Found her, reiterated our hellos, and got to small talk. I couldnt get over how she moved and held her lips.

 

Two knitting Old dears, were settled in the compartment, so I embarrasingly decided to show diplomacy, but still

chat her up...I always had in my mind the too old dears were listening and holding lnto  each of my words, ready

to protect this young lady, if I went too far...knitting needles, with walkings sticks, make for good headlines,

for the morning papers...

 

Eventually we reach London, early morning train took its time, no early express in those days.Stopped at every

possible station...an Agatha Christie train if there ever was one.Miss Marple I was sure in the next compartment.

The young girl's English wasnt fluent, but still ok. We spoke some funny English and German together....

I was on a dark journey back to Leicester, while she was her way to Luton, as an aupair, to also study cambridge English.

So we again shsred the journey....

 

A long story cut short..I went onto Leicester, but re-connected with her, started to court her...she liked travelling like myselfshe finished her studies, became an independent  "Kelly girl".  We took short weekends, together, so she could learn about Uk and Ireland.

We went on self organised 5 day to  3 week foreign holidays.Christmas and or new years in quiet spots that are now seen as

peak periods..We were so close to each other, but let the other go off to european corners to work and gain experience.

Then we decided we should start to enjoy ourselves, before gap years were a student thing, We dropped out...

We travelled the European distant lands, came back earnt money then jumped off to the Americas, dropping out again.

God it was fun, went   picking up on french and SA-spanish, this girl over our time together became ..a sort after

dolmetscher...interpretur.  We decided then it was time to commit to a big adventure, with high range trekking,

with nature and the cultural hot spots through The Americas....Unknowing then..

we had our honeymoon underway...lived and got married in Mexico..34 yrs ago....

 

God I still love my wife, though those adventures are behind us, but we did  blase new trails

Also with our first kids in India-Asia, before terrorrist activity, smugglers, bandits daihotes,

but good peoples

 

fk failures...Romance lives...even when it sometimes plays hide and seek...

Theres always a good train journey to be had...the coaches today though are not so romantic...

There are never relationship failures just experiences, some hold dear...Some slip ups..some get out cards..

 

Edited 15 January 2018 by fuchsntf

[ozleicester]

3 minutes ago, fuchsntf said:

I wasit c was timd foroing back to England on the ferry, I noticed a foreign girl having pro b lems v with understanding the ques t ions

that the cu s toms put to her over her two big suitcases.After sorting that out I tried to play the English gentleman, by offering to help

her with her suitcases onto the train.She gave me an hell of a sexy smile, a little more than mistrust in her thoughts.

We got lnto the train so I helped into the carriage.> one of those older ones with compartments, with corridors-<

She thanked me, I left to get my small backpack, decided to retrack to her compartment...

Found her, reiterated our hellos, and got to small talk. I couldnt get over how she moved and held her lips.

 

Two knitting Old dears, were settled in the compartment, so I embarrasingly decided to show diplomacy, but still

chat her up...I always had in my mind the too old dears were listening and holding lnto  each of my words, ready

to protect this young lady, if I went too far...knitting needles, with walkings sticks, make for good headlines,

for the morning papers...

Eventually we reach London, early morning train took its time, no early express in those days.Stopped at every

possible station...an Agatha Christie train if there ever was one.Miss Marple I was sure in the next compartment.

The young girl's English wasnt fluent, but still ok. We spoke some funny English and German together....

I was on a dark journey back to Leicester, while she was her way to Luton, as an aupair, to also study cambridge English.

So we again shsred the journey....

A long story cut short..I went onto Leicester, but re-connected with her, started to court her...she liked travelling like myselfshe finished her studies, became an independent  "Kelly girl".  We took short weekends, together, so she could learn about Uk and Ireland.

We went on self organised 5 day to  3 week foreign holidays.Christmas and or new years in quiet spots that are now seen as

peak periods..We were so close to each other, but let the other go off to european corners to work and gain experience.

Then we decided we should start to enjoy ourselves, before gap years were a student thing, We dropped out...

We travelled the European distant lands, came back earnt money then jumped off to the Americas, dropping out again.

God it was fun, went   picking up on french and SA-spanish, this girl over our time together became ..a sort after

dolmetscher...interpretur.  We decided then it was time to commit to a big adventure, with high range trekking,

with nature and the cultural hot spots through The Americas....Unknowing then..

we had our honeymoon underway...lived and got married in Mexico..34 yrs ago....

God I still love my wife, though those adventures are behind us, but we did  blase new trails

Also with our first kids in India-Asia, before terrorrist activity, smugglers, bandits daihotes,

but good peoples

 

fk failures...Romance lives...even when it sometimes plays hide and seek...

Theres always a good train journey to be had...the coaches today though are not so romantic...

There are never relationship failures just experiences, some hold dear...Some slip ups..some get out cards..

 

ummm ? nup? 

[Countryfox]

 My last girlfriend used to ask me to text her when I got in .......   

 

Mind you, I do have an incredibly small knob.