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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, Carl the Llama said:

The plot thickens.  Turns out Buce is a bit posh, his son died (sorry to hear that pal) and he takes all his clothes off every time he stands up to knock one out.

lol I just choked on my vape

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Carl the Llama said:

The plot thickens.  Turns out Buce is a bit posh, his son died (sorry to hear that pal) and he takes all his clothes off every time he stands up to knock one out.

 

lol

 

He didn't die, Carl.

 

I just disowned you..

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Tuna

Tuna

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I’ve just given my girlfriend a surprise gift of a pug dog.

Despite the squashed nose, the wonky eyes and trouble breathing due to weight gain over the years, it seems to like her.

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Tuna

Tuna

Posted
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Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a glamorous blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So lets talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.

Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
 
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Trav Le Bleu

Trav Le Bleu

Posted
Posted
47 minutes ago, Tuna said:
Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a glamorous blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So lets talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.

Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
 

W... wh... why, perhaps I'm missing something, would you... I mean, (sigh), it doesn't, you wouldn't, use nuclear power, would you, as a chat up line?

 

Have times changed so much since I was single?

 

"Hey baby, how about those radioisotope thermoelectric generators?"

 

 

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Stadt

Stadt

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38 minutes ago, Trav Le Bleu said:

W... wh... why, perhaps I'm missing something, would you... I mean, (sigh), it doesn't, you wouldn't, use nuclear power, would you, as a chat up line?

 

Have times changed so much since I was single?

 

"Hey baby, how about those radioisotope thermoelectric generators?"

 

 

Maybe she was fission for compliments?

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Tuna

Tuna

Posted
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A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bloody bread."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, for goodness sake. Ask me again and I'll nail your bloody beak to the bar you irritating arse of a bird!"

 

Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?".

 

 

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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A chap walks into a fish and chip shop and says "Can I get a steak and kidley pie please?"

 

Bloke behind the counter replies "I think you mean a steak and kidney pie"

 

Chap goes...."Well that's what I said diddle I?"

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

A chap walks into a fish and chip shop and says "Can I get a steak and kidley pie please?"

 

Bloke behind the counter replies "I think you mean a steak and kidney pie"

 

Chap goes...."Well that's what I said diddle I?"

Am I missing something or is this from @the fox 's big book of jokes

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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2 minutes ago, Beliall said:

Am I missing something or is this from @the fox 's big book of jokes

It might well be lol

I took my 7 year old lad to the chippie last night for tea and remembered this joke. He nearly pissed himself laughing :P

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Beliall

Beliall

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

It might well be lol

I took my 7 year old lad to the chippie last night for tea and remembered this joke. He nearly pissed himself laughing :P

I will test this on my kids after school and get back to you with a verdict

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TiffToff88

TiffToff88

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Tuna said:

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bloody bread."

 

Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, for goodness sake. Ask me again and I'll nail your bloody beak to the bar you irritating arse of a bird!"

 

Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?".

 

 

That reminds me of one of the most irritatingly catchy songs in existence:

 

 

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