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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Buce said:

 

The wife is doing a social experiment where she has to wear a Forest top for a week.

So far she has been kicked, spat at, head-butted and even had a brick thrown at her head.
God knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house.

Are you googling "Forest Jokes"?

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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
On 06/09/2017 at 17:59, Countryfox said:

Been a bit quiet on the bog wall of the Fox at Lutterworth front of late ..   but spotted this one the other day ...  

 

 

FullSizeRender 3.jpg

 

On 29/05/2018 at 18:54, Izzy Muzzett said:

A wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

 

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and £50,000 . A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.

 

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now".

 

Got you you theiving git !!  ...   the grief you gave me over nicking jokes !!!!   ...    What was it you said ? ...    “is there an echo in here ???” ....   an echo indeed smarteypants !! .....    :)

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Countryfox said:

 

 

Got you you theiving git !!  ...   the grief you gave me over nicking jokes !!!!   ...    What was it you said ? ...    “is there an echo in here ???” ....   an echo indeed smarteypants !! .....    :)

lol 

I always use the search function now with the key words in the joke to make sure it’s not been posted before.

But I guess that’s not going to find a bloody photo is it!!!

My apologies CF, please forgive me :facepalm:

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Countryfox

Countryfox

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Izzy Muzzett said:

lol 

I always use the search function now with the key words in the joke to make sure it’s not been posted before.

But I guess that’s not going to find a bloody photo is it!!!

My apologies CF, please forgive me :facepalm:

 

I wouldn’t mind Muzzett but you got 3 more bloody reps than I did ! ...    :)

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Captain...

Captain...

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Countryfox said:

 

I wouldn’t mind Muzzett but you got 3 more bloody reps than I did ! ...    :)

Well the standard of jokes has been lowered significantly since you posted yours last year. Whilst on the surface they are the same joke in the context of some of the recent efforts on here anything mildly amusing is now elevated to hilarious.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
20 minutes ago, Captain... said:

Well the standard of jokes has been lowered significantly since you posted yours last year. Whilst on the surface they are the same joke in the context of some of the recent efforts on here anything mildly amusing is now elevated to hilarious.

Please feel free to join in and help us all raise our standards Captain :thumbup:

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Webbo

Webbo

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Captain... said:

Well the standard of jokes has been lowered significantly since you posted yours last year. Whilst on the surface they are the same joke in the context of some of the recent efforts on here anything mildly amusing is now elevated to hilarious.

It's the Joke thread mate, it's not important.

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
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Posted

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got this sex problem, Doc, You've got to help me"

 

"Well," says the quack, "Tell me about your average day"

 

"O.K, so it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at about 3am and again at about 5am for a shag. Later, we can spend a couple of hours shagging before I go to work!"

 

"Oh, I see" says the doc.

 

"No, hang on," says the young man "You see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day, we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there."

 

"Oh... now I see" says the quack.

 

"No you don't" says our hero. "When I get to work, my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

 

"Oh.... NOW I see" says the quack.

 

"No, no, no" says the randy bugger. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of, and we nip out the back for a quickie."

 

"Now I understand," says the extremely patient doctor.

 

"No, hang on" says the man. "When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss - a very demanding lady I might add - has to have sex with me or she says she'll give me the sack!"

 

"Ahh...." says the doctor, "now I understand"

 

"No, there's more," says our man, almost in tears. "When I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards!"

 

By now, the exasperated doctor is beginning to lose his cool, "So just what is your problem?!"

 

"Well..." says our hero, "It hurts when I wank"

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Buce

Buce

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, woznotwos said:

32914558_2102970289982549_878526510900707328_n.jpg

 

On 23/08/2016 at 19:23, Buce said:

Paddy and Mick fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money
between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Mick said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Paddy said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Mick replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey.

Paddy said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Mick replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their Drinks. Mick said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Paddy said 'Mick - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'

Mick said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.'
 

 

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