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Daggers

The joke thread

By Daggers, in General Chat

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Parafox

Parafox

Posted
Posted
On ‎08‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 17:35, Facecloth said:

This thread has more repeats than the BBC Christmas schedule.

Disregarding Christmas, I think you'll find ITV hold the repeats record based on the yearly schedules... Harry Potter, James Bond, The Mummy, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, etc. year after year after year, sometimes more than once in 6 months. 

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Izzy

Izzy

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Parafox said:

Disregarding Christmas, I think you'll find ITV hold the repeats record based on the yearly schedules... Harry Potter, James Bond, The Mummy, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, etc. year after year after year, sometimes more than once in 6 months. 

Just for you...:D

 

My girlfriend won't marry me until I lose my obsession for ambulances.

 

So I'm going to book a romantic meal, buy some flowers, and in the middle of the restaurant I'm going to get down on one Knee naw nee naw nee naw....

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Izzy

Izzy

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and an African walk into a fine restaurant.

 

"I'm sorry" says the maître d', after scrutinising the group..

 

 

 

 

...."But you can't come in here without a Thai"

 

 

Image result for i thank you bow gif

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ozleicester

ozleicester

Posted
Posted

A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces.

The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"

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Izzy

Izzy

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There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

 

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you"

 

And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg"

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Izzy

Izzy

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My mates in a bit of trouble.

 

His wife went out to get some milk and never returned - that was four days ago.

 

I phoned him last night to ask how he was getting on.

 

"Yeah, not bad" he replied. "I'm still using the powdered stuff" 

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