Our system detected that your browser is blocking advertisements on our site. Please help support FoxesTalk by disabling any kind of ad blocker while browsing this site. Thank you.
Jump to content
OriginalRobboFOX

Best Alan Partridge Quotes.....

Recommended Posts

'take that horse back to the stable and give it a kiss'

'yes he was welsh but it wasn't like he'd say: 'double-o sLleven, liscenced KLlill' (yeah, misquoted and doesn't work in text, but if you remember the scene, you'll know how funny it was)

'roger, ROGER, ROOOOOGGGGGGGEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!'

'cock - piss - partridge'

'very buck rodgers'

'nice action'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At Radio Norwich after Alan's traffic cone incident.

Dave: You off to see a film, like Cone-an the Barbarian?

Alan: Yeah, good one.

Dave: Then watch a bit of TV, eh? Like Cone Dancing?

Alan: Yeah. Not so good, but fine.

Dave: Oh, come on Alan. What's the matter with you? Cone't you take a joke?

Alan: Oh, **** off.

Dave: Actually, I am speechless. Dave Clifton is actually speechless. I don't believe you just said that.

Alan: You don't sound it. I wish you were.

Dave: Well I am. Now, I really don't know what to say. I find it really difficult to find a way –

Alan: Try saying nothing!

Dave: You and I both know that dead air is a crime, and I think it's terrible that you have to fill it with swearing on your show.

Alan: Unfortunately, Dave, you are bang wrong. It's one minute past seven, it's your show, you're responsible for the output, I am technically a guest and you've failed to control me. Read the small print on your cone-tract.

Dave: From 'Go West' –

Alan: – Fanny –

Dave: This is 'Call Me'.

Edited by Jack
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alan: "You're old enough to be my daughter....well younger sister. Either way it's incest"

---

Peter: I don’t care what you call your sordid little grief-hole. It makes no difference to me. The fact is that an awful lot of my colleagues are –<br>

Alan: [interrupting] Are farmyard animals, yes.

Peter: You’re talking about my friends, here.

Alan: I’ve probably got more friends than you’ve got cows.

Peter: This is ridiculous.

Alan: How many cows have you got?

Peter: I’ve got a hundred cattle.

Alan: Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and four friends.

---

Alan: "Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a guy who uses a collective term for a single vehicle!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

" Tea or Coffee, Tea or Coffee. Two tea's you blonde bitch "

" I've got to go and lean on the sink, i've got some sick "

" Oooh, she was first in the queue when God gave out Breasts! "

" Tungsten tip screws, never gonna use them, never gonna use them "

" Ooooh mince Alan, mince!!! "

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When on Radio Cambridge discussing his book...

Woman: ''You seem to end every anecdote with the phrase 'Needless to say I had the last laugh'...''

Alan: ''You could end every chapter of yours with 'Needles to say I took drugs'...''

---

Radio Presenter: ''Bouncing back, I suspect you meant Bouncing Back to be an ironic title for your book because you haven't bounced back, have you?''

Alan (Looking confused): What?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote: Lynn could you have a word with that builder - yesterday his jeans were so far off his backside you could more or less see his anus.

Context: Alan in the petrol station refering to a Twix

Quote: I'd shove one in your ear, one up your nose and one up your bum, but I'd have to break into another one which I'm not prepared to do for you. But then I'd eat the other one... after I'd washed my hands.

Context: Lynn comes in looking very happy.

Quote: You look awful cheery on the first anniversary of your mother's death.

Context: Alan talks to Michael about Tex

Quote: Convoy? Michael your hanging around with a person who uses a collective term for a single object.

Context: Alan's trying to stop an argument between Sonja and the builders.

Quote: Woah! That's English for 'stop a horse!'

Context:Discussing his fat back.

Quote: It's a build up of sweaty deposits just below the belt line. It's quite well concealed in loose clothing but you wouldn't want to see me with my clothes off!

Context: Michael gives alan a cup of beans.

Quote: Michael: I put a sausage in it for you. Alan: It's like a savoury 99.

Context: Alan talking about his new girlfriend.

Quote: Between you and me I do things with her that I'd never have done with my wife Carol. Occasionally I dost venture south, and when I do it's like a breath of fresh air.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Context:Discussing his fat back.

Quote: It's a build up of sweaty deposits just below the belt line. It's quite well concealed in loose clothing but you wouldn't want to see me with my clothes off!

That's so heavily misquoted. :ermm:

It's a build up of fatty deposits just below the belt line. It's quite well concealed in casual clothing, but you don't want to see me in my underpants

Much funnier (especially when you see Sophie's reaction). ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...