Ilkeston_Fox

**Switches light on.**

Kettle is on, biscuit tin out of the cupboard.

I'm staying here away from that other part of the forum. 

Burnley - Decent opinions. 

http://boards.footymad.net/forum.php?tno=104&fid=297&sty=2&act=1&mid=2111367123

Not a joke as such, but funny nevertheless. 

I was scrolling through the Sky channels and came across one of our old players lurking around......

Well it's my birthday and Leicester City have made it fecking magic!

I made the last brew....who's turn is it now?

I'm currently training someone who's taking over my job as I move on to better things within the Mail Centre (Royal Mail). Unfortunately, she's only worked in one place for the last 15 years, she's never sorted a letter in her life and never worked with the mail stream I deal in. So it's like teaching Japanese to a monkey at the moment.

So my evening will consist of typing up a thorough 'How to' guide of my job. Boring as sin!

Oh my, I've consumed far too many alcoholic beverages to comprehend that concept.

It might not be the real Safehouse thread.....maybe there is one in the music thread??

I've put a few logs in the fire, should be toasty in a few mins.

People essentially calling for Pearson's head on the radio. People saying we're a one man team in the after match thread jeeez people. That's the first game we've lost this year. We've eon 5 out of 6.

Ahh where's that sodding fridge, I'm sure I left a beer in there when I last visited.

Had me in stitches

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you £100 if you let me screw you!" But the girl said no...

Johnny Said "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor; you bend down and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she'd have to consult her boyfriend...so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boy friend says "Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even have a chance to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal...

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call...

Finally after 45 minutes, he calls her and asks what's happened?!?

She replied, "The idiot used coins!!"

£47 up today thanks to:

Donny, Gillingham, Port Vale and Swindon.

All my FA Cup accy's went down one way or another, most due to Wolves, Cardiff, Hull and Wigan

"what you doing?"

"I'm getting bad"

"better get bad Jack, cus if you ain't bad you're gonna get fooked"

Even though I've just watched it, I still laughed when I read that!

Stir Crazy, Gene Wilder and Richard Prior comedy genius!

"Jesus, you've cooked half my stash!!"

Band of Brothers by Stephen E. Ambrose. Big fan of the series and a big fan of the book so far (just over half way through)

Cheers, I've been meaning to watch it but just haven't found the time. Now I've got plenty for the next three weeks so It'll get a viewing.

Senna. Finally got round to watching the whole film, what a great racer and human being.

I've had that on Sky+ for yonks and never got round to watching it. Decent?

Cast Away. What a film! Tom Hanks is one of the best actors out there.

I can't help put laugh like a loon at these:

http://www.buzzfeed....orrects-of-2012

I love auto correct and people too stupid to know how to use it..

Had me in fits of laughter! Brilliant.

Not so bad.....made full time so a nice 9K pay rise will come in handy

Typically though, the world is going to end today - just my luck

Batman Begins

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,

I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

Kettle is on