Chav Nativity

[Northants Fox]

Read this on another forum and it struck me as funny, it's a bit long though:

There's this bird called Mary yeah? she's a Virgin ( wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe innit? he does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel she's like 'oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'you got one up the duff you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.

She gives it to him large 'stop dissin me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper.

I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes to see her Cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled spirits, Brcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like orright, Mary, I can feel me Bay-Bee in me tummy and I reckon i'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'

Mary goes 'yeah S'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a Donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this Pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? to have her Bay-Bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the Inn, Innit? so Mary an' Joe break an' enter this Garridge, only it's filled with Animals. Cahs an' Sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, lookin proper bling, wiv Crowns on their heads. they're like 'respect Bay-Bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes 'if you're so wise, whatchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' Myrrh?

Why dincha just bring Gold, Adidas and Burberry?' it's all about to kick off when Gabriel turn up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'the Police is comin an' they're killin all the Bay-Bees.

You better nash off to Egypt' Joe goes 'you must be monged if you think i'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging Donkey'

Gabriel sez 'suit yerself pal. But it's your lookout if you stay.'

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stoped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

I also got this from the same forum but can't be bothered to open another thread:

On the 12th day of Chavmas a Chavvie sent to me,

Twelve Chavvers Chavving,

Eleven Prammers Pushing,

Ten Lads Joy-riding,

Nine Ladies Drinking,

Eight Midriffs Showing,

Seven Scallies Stealing,

Six Teens a-laying,

Fiiiveee Gooolldd Riinngggs,

Four Stolen Phones,

Three Navel Studs,

Two Tracksuit Tops.....

And a Pikey in Burberry.

Again appolgies for it being so long but i thought them both funny

[YarmouthFox]

well funny mate if only all the bible was written like that. no disrespect but it is proper funny