Bloomer

I'd like to book a ticket to Illinois for my Wife please. Chicago? No she passenger.

Forcing down my bowl of bran flakes whilst No 1 son smacks his way through 4 rounds of dry cured bacon sandwich on home made bread made for him by a caring mother after she has counted out the flakes in my bowl.

Two soft boiled eggs with toasty soldiers and a touch of salt and black pepper. Pot of tea. Lush.

Went to a toy shop yesterday & asked "Do you have any airfix models of Italian cruise liners?" "Yes we do." Said the bloke behind the counter. "Can you put it on one side for me?" I replied

The prgram on the Great Barrier Reef on BBC2 Sunday evening - stunning.

I hear the Pakistan cricket team have decided to take up a new sport - Bob-Slaying!

Reports are coming in of a tragic accident in the Theatre at the end of Torquay Pier. Amazing Marvin the Magician accidently turned a family, Mr and Mrs Fadge and their daughter Philys, in to a large sofa and two armchairs. A spokesman for the Torquay General has said that all three are extremely comfortable.

Baz was in the backroom having a bit of a fumble with his bird before having his tea round her house, it got pretty heavy and was brought to an abrupt halt when her mam called them in for tea. Sitting down at the table Baz wolfed down his tea and said these fishcakes are lovely Mrs. They were Scones Baz came the reply.

Student: Hallo is that the Whu Flung Shet Chinese Restaurant? Sum Yung Gy: Herro yes it is fang yu for call wha ca I ge yu? Student: Do you do takeaway? Sum Yung Gy: Ov core we do! Student: OK, whats 437.63 take away 325.56!!

The Dublin faction of Al Quieda have developed a dastardly new terrorist weapon. An explosive device that sticks its victims to ceilings and walls - its the No More Nails Bomb.