marbelladave

A man finds himself at a party and chatting to a woman with lovely big breasts. They are getting on really well, very flirty and all, so he asks if she would open her blouse and let him nibble her boobs. Certainly not she says, I'll give you a fiver he says, no way she replies. So he offers £50, then £500 and finally £5000 if he can have a nibble and a little bite of her breasts, and for £5000 she finally agrees. So she opens her blouse and he starts kissing and fondling her boobs, this goes on for a while but the woman is getting quite anxious, come on she says, give then a bite. The man comes up for air and says, no, I think I'll skip the biting, too expensive.......!

The KP. Off up the M1 about 3.00 ish....... Zone 9, Chesham? Amersham, the Chilterns?......... Should come up to the KP with me, hardly any further......

Everything in Nazi thinking was geared to 'Lightning war', the lack of an effective navy meant that blockade would always be an issue if the war went on too long. German science was strong, but in order to move forward with anything new, you needed a champion to fight your corner in the fractious infighting that was common in the higher levels of the party. Add to that Hitler's capriciousness and his ability to make the wrong decisions with absolute certainty drove his top military men to distraction and quite possibly cost them the war. For example, one little known but critical decision stopped the Luftwaffe from using nightfighters in intruder roles over the RAF bomber airfields at the start of the bomber offensive. It was tried and although hugely successful Hitler did not believe the pilots reports and the Luftwaffe was recalled to fight, far less effectively, over Germany.

Brilliant, love flying in light aircraft...... A few years ago we booked a decent, but fairly standard, package to to east africa to see the animals. There was an option to fly the final leg of the journey, from Mombasa into Tanzania, so rather than endure a 5 hour coach trip, we paid the extra and flew. When we saw our aircraft, a tiny 5 seat Cessna, Mrs M nearly had a heart attack. Apart from the two of us there was just one other passenger, a well dressed man going out to one of the game lodges on business. The flight itself was fantastic, never very high and skirting the southern slopes of Kilimanjaro, we just loved it......

As ever in the Third Reich nothing was ever that simple. In the early days of the development of the Me262 Goring was generally speaking, uninterested. It was the view of pretty much all the top Nazis that the war would be over quickly and won by conventional technology, in aircraft as in anything else. That the project was not buried entirely was down to Adolf Galland, Germany's top fighter ace and by 1941, in command of all Luftwaffe Fighters on the western front. Once the Me262 was actually flown and its potential realise by Hitler, it's usage came under intense discussion. The Luftwaffe, led by Galland and a newly converted Goring wanted to use the aircraft against allied bombers, particularly in daylight but Hitler wanted it considered as a 'V' weapon and used as a bomber in some kind of vengeance attacks. As a bomber the Me262 was extremely limited, modest bomb load and when fully loaded, slow enough to be intercepted by the latest allied fighters. Nevertheless it proved an outstanding fighter and had the numbers been available it could really have made a difference.

Great photo..... You can see the rocket packs quite clearly, designed to get a heavily loaded off the ground on a short(ish) runway.

I know that the Jumo engine was designed to work with virtually any type of fuel, even regular diesel. As to the difference, I think the Jumo had a proper turbine driven compressor whereas the Whittle jet did not. Not sure really......

The B-47 that I mentioned above used RATO (sometimes called JATO) packs, solid fuel rocket packs mounted either side of the rear fuselage to get the aircraft off the ground quickly, seriously loud..... The 'Bone' is a seriously impressive aircraft, the original, supersonic version is reputed to have made a low level pass over a Russian destroyer somewhere in the Arctic, the concussion cause system failure on such a level that the ship was left 'dead' in the water. The Russians never saw it coming......

Sorry

Boulton Paul were subcontractors who designed and built the power operated turret that was used, in different versions, in all the RAF heavy bombers. Originally the Defiant was to be no more than a demonstrator for the turret but the demand for fighters at the start of the war saw it go into production. The big problem was not that the guns could not fire forward but that the massive weight of the turret made it extremely slow and cumbersome, the Emiles simply ran rings round them. They were tried as night fighters but their poor speed meant that they could barely keep up with the bombers they were trying to intercept, useless.

A long time ago in a universe far, far away, I saw an open day at Bruntingthorpe, probably the farewell do for the US air force, circa 1962. The fighter pilots did their party trick of lifting off in their F-100s and climbing vertically on full burner, earthshattering and I thought the loudest noise possible, I was wrong...... They then pulled off the same trick with the (big) B-47 bomber using 'rato' boosters, not quite vertical but that truly was shattering......

To reflect the nuclear 'flash'.......

sadly that is actually pretty funny.......

Second Liverpool girl enters the the same shop and asks for a 'soft' vibrator. The man says: "Why do you want a 'soft' vibrator?" She says: "Because the hard ones hurt my teeth".

Actually we did...... NFP clearly said that some players would be leaving in January, assuming one to go is Bruno I can see several others leaving, Fernandes, Johnson, maybe Abe.......

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand maths jokes and those who don't.

Two mathematicians are sitting at the bar musing on the lack of mathematics understanding in the general puplic, one goes to the lavatory so the other decides to play a joke on him. He call over the pretty blonde barmaid and explains that he is playing a joke on his friend and asks her to answer "x to the third over 3" when he asks her a question. When his friend returns he calls over the barmaid and says, "what do you get if you integrate x squared"? "x to the third over 3" says the barmaid...... ........plus C.

A mathematician tries to dial out for a pizza, he gets the message, "The number you have dialled is imaginary, please rotate your phone through 90 degrees and try again". Q. Why do mathematicians confuse Christmas with Halloween? A. Because dec25 = oct31. If you do not understand the above jokes, Call 0800 [(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].

Quite right...... Teach me to get uppity. Remenber a series of Einstein one liners from some time ago, pretty good if I recall. I'm off to search the interweb.. But first a quickie, inspired by one of yours above... Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

It's ms2, as I'm sure you know. Love nerdy type jokes, especially one liners. Sadly these days I have no one to swap them with. Talking of insults, whilst on holiday earlier this year there was a group of very overweight americans in our hotel. My wife refered to them throughout the holiday as VFS, it took me a few days to work it out, 'Visible From Space'!

For Large Al. Firstly with the festive season approaching, all mathematicians should remember not to drink and d'rive. At the Maths dept Christmas party everyone was supposed to go as a mathematical function. The new lecturer decided to go as ex, he did not yet really know anyone so he was standing on his own. A colleague finally came up to him and asked him why he was not integrating. He replied, "I've tried that but it makes no difference".

No comment....

Nah, ask something obscure if you want real geeky... Like what the hell is that in the photo above?

A good few years ago we were flying in to LAX in a Continental Airways DC10 (or was it a Tristar, can't quite remember) in a severe crosswind. We must have been as sideways as that 747 and we bounced on landing, the port wing tip getting very close to the ground! It was all over in a few seconds, too quick to get really scared, but a touch would have caused a ground loop and at 200mph I doubt many of us would have walked away! Along with a very nasty moment on the ring road east of Madrid, that is as close to an early death as I want to come... :sweating:

Brief research shoes the photo to be a Hispano-Suiza fighter built for the Spanish airforce (under Franco). Effectively a late model Bf 109 built in Spain with an export Rolls Royce Merlin Engine. They were used as 'Emil's', Bf 109E in the film 'Battle of Britain' (1969) which is probably where this aircraft got it's Luftwaffe markings. Not at all the real thing. By the way it is a Bf 109, there is no such aircraft as a Me 109! Anything you want to know about aircraft, just ask.