Transfer Gossip

[TheHonourableOne]

England boss Sven-Goran Eriksson is set to drop out-of-form Arsenal defender Sol Campbell from his World Cup squad. (Sunday Express and Daily Star Sunday)

Although he’s going to have to hire a light aeroplane trailing a banner behind it reading “Oi! Sol! You’re sacked! (Call me!!)†and get it flown over southern England for the next seven days.

Arsenal team-mate Alexander Hleb is furious with boss Arsene Wenger after warming the bench. (News of the World)

He’s livid! He specifically asked for his bit of bench to be cooled to 10 degrees below body temperature. Now he’s got a clump of piles like under-ripe gooseberries and he won’t be parking his ringpiece anywhere near timber til they’ve cleared up. Talk about an untidy passage …

Gunners striker Thierry Henry will be sold for £30m at the end of the season. (Sunday Mirror)

Oops. Looks like the board couldn’t ‘match his ambition’, ‘reward his loyalty’ and ‘repay his faith’ after all. Poor ole Thierry wanted a clause saying how much he gets if they win the CL; the board scrubbed it and wrote a new one insisting he turn up in Belarus in early July for the InterToto.

Manchester United defender Mikael Silvestre admits he was told he could leave Old Trafford, but will now fight for his place. (News of the World)

The bad news for the slipshod gallic cart-horse is he has to fight 'gaffer’s pet' Gary Neville for his place. The good news is he’s already received around 150,000 offers of help.

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho is lining up a swap deal with Barcelona involving Didier Drogba and Samuel Eto'o. (News of the World)

And once they pick themselves up from the floor with laughter, Barcelona are lining up a loosely closed fist and an upright middle finger.

Mourinho banned Frank Lampard from a media trip to Spain for fear that Barcelona would approach him. (News of the World.)

Yeah. Cos those crazy Catalans, bless ‘em, they do love their football but there’s not a single one of ‘em knows how to work a phone.

Sven-Goran Eriksson has hired a "super agent" to try to land him the manager's job at Real Madrid. (Mail on Sunday)

He’s not really that different from a normal agent, but he tucks his vest into his pants and he can throw a cow over a bungalow.

Newcastle will try to tempt Martin O'Neill to be manager by offering him a £30m warchest. (News of the World)

This being Shifty Shepherd, though, Mart would do well to read the small print. The ‘£30m warchest’ is actually a warchest ‘containing goods to the value of £30m’ and contains Jean-Alain Boumsong (£8m), Albert Luque (£10m), Emre (£5m) Celestine Babayaro (£1m) and Scott Parker (£6.5m). Whatever O’Neill can get for them he can spend …

… O'Neill will snub the Magpies, however, because he believes that he has the inside track in the race to be next England boss. (Sunday Express)

And because it’s going to need more than John Hartson, three centre halves and a load of jumping around on the touchline to dig the Geordies out of this shit.

Bolton boss Sam Allardyce wants an interview with the Football Association about taking charge of England. (Star)

The decline of modern manners: time was you waited to be asked.

Manchester City midfielder Joey Barton will sign a four-year deal to remain at the club. (Sunday Mirror)

Although for him and his family’s sake, it’s assumed the deal won’t be at the insultingly low and disrespectful pittance of £28k a week previously mooted. Swimming pools don’t clean themselves you know.

Barton will in fact be moving to Arsenal at the end of the season. (Daily Star Sunday & News of the World)

Marvellous. Just when Man U v Arse games were threatening to cool off a bit, too …

Middlesbrough will let striker Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink go at the end of the season. (Daily Star Sunday)

A week tomorrow it is, then.

David Beckham's contract talks with Real Madrid are on ice. (Sunday Mirror)

Jayne Torville is set to play the part of the England skipper and Christopher Dean will take the part of Victoria; the show is likely to pack out Earl’s Court for a fortnight over the Easter Holidays.

The England captain has swapped boots after learning that his old ones were made from baby kangaroos. (Independent)

The England skipper said “Baby kangaroos made me sound a bit pouffy an’ that. I got a bit stick from the lads. Fing is, I’ve changed to these now cos they sound a bit harder. It says Puma on ‘em. Pumas are a bit like lions, as it goes, only a bit tastier in a ruck. Reckon they could ‘ave a baby kangaroo, no bother. Nice one!â€Â

Red Devils keeper Edwin van der Dar says Rio Ferdinand can be too casual at times. (Sunday Express)

"Just last week,†fumed the wiry Netherlands netminder, “he turned up to a black tie charity do in three-quarter length cotton pedal-pushers and flip-flops. You could see his toes and everything.â€Â

Chelsea defender Williams Gallas will walk away from Stamford Bridge when his contract expires. (News of the World)

It was first thought he would run, but friends of the French stopper say he now plans to walk backwards, as slowly as possible, waving all the time, in the hope that someone comes after him with an improved offer.

Tottenham are lining up a player swap with Portsmouth involving their midfielder Wayne Routledge and Pompey striker Lomana Lua Lua. (Star Sunday)

As part of roly-poly funster Martin Jol’s commitment to entertain, he wants to team Lua Lua’s acrobatic tumbling goal celebration with Robbie Keane’s increasingly irritating ‘half-arsed-cartwheel-with-tiresome-sixshooter’ routine. Said the heavy-jowled Lowlander: “For sure with thish pair up the top we will be shelebrating the goalsh better than the whole of Europe. Wayne ish a good good player, but when he ish shcoring goals he ish jusht running, and only with a hand raished. We are looking for a more circushy kind of fellow here.â€Â

[davieG]

No offence like but

[BAFox]

and the point of this thread is ?