Corporate lessons

[Knighton Matt]

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing

up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a

towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands

Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll

give you £800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and

stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800

and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back

upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the

husband says, "Did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining

to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position

to prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her

legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an

accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his

hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The

nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest

apologized,

"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the

nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to

look up Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,

you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are

walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a

Genie

comes out. The Genie says," I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in

the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof!

She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,

relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply

of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager

says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to

get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the

energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.

"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and

found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the

tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second

branch.

Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the

top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out

of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it

won't keep you there.

[Hitesh]

They are good! Heard that last one before, a manager at my old place was telling us in a meeting.