macca Posted 2 July 2013 Posted 2 July 2013 I read a serious but somewhat amusing thread on another forum about what soldiers or others members of the military do during long ceremonial events if they desperately need a break or a drink or, worst-case scenario, find themselves dying for the toilet. One of the responses was as follows:- "I've got a mate who wet himself on public duties "Queen's Guard" at Windsor Castle. We was told the Queen wasn't in residence so there's only one guard required at each post and the guard roster was set up as a normal stag, then we got a phone call asking why we wasn't double tapping "double manning" because the Queen was in residence. Well, the guard commander started flapping and re jigged the stag list and had to put another man on each post to double tap but he completely balls'd up the stag list somehow and didn't relieve my mate who was bursting to go.... well you can guess the rest." I assume he was one of those in the red tunics, busby hats and dark-coloured trousers so maybe no-one actually noticed, but I'm not sure if it's a believable story, or not? Anyone ever been in the armed forces and can give an opinion? Or can you think of a worse place to be caught short like that?
The Year Of The Fox Posted 2 July 2013 Posted 2 July 2013 I was going to the Guards, had I hung around long enough so I could've given you some real stories then. I've no doubt stories like that are true. I am absolutely terrified of wasps. I'm not allergic to them but just petrified. My only story as such was when we had our passing out parade at AFC Harrogate. Its the biggest parade in the British Army after Sandhurst. There were about a thousand soldiers passing out all at once that day. I was in 1 Platoon which on the parade square turned out to be front and centre. You're wearing your 'posh' dress, Number 2's as they're known, so despite the platoon being mixed in that every soldier was off to a different regiment its easy to tell (if you know what you're looking for) what Regiment you're off to. It was a red hot day, all my family, my best mate and my new missis were coming up to watch me pass out. I had the great idea of spraying myself with some aftershave before we headed out. Halfway through the parade at the point where we're standing to attention for ages three wasps managed to tract down my scent and hover centimetres away from my nose. I was flapping big time. I was trying to give them tiny jerks with my bayonet whilst attempting to blow them away. The lads next to me were cracking up though you'd have not noticed from the stands. I can't remember whether the wasps ended up doing one or whether the parade had come to a time for us to march around again. Either way I was grateful that they left me alone. During the rehearsals for the passing out parade a few people (not from my platoon mind!) fainted and were put on charge. I miss it so much in some repsects.
Zingari Posted 2 July 2013 Posted 2 July 2013 there isn't a problem until the boots overfill . these are looking very close .
macca Posted 2 July 2013 Author Posted 2 July 2013 there isn't a problem until the boots overfill . these are looking very close . I can't work out from that where the boots actually start! They can't be thigh-high, surely?
macca Posted 2 July 2013 Author Posted 2 July 2013 I was going to the Guards, had I hung around long enough so I could've given you some real stories then. I've no doubt stories like that are true. Fantastic response, love the wasp story although I'm sure it wasn't at all amusing at the time! Put on a charge for fainting? Surely not? What would the guy get for wetting himself?
The Year Of The Fox Posted 2 July 2013 Posted 2 July 2013 Yeh, they'd charge you for fainting. On the assumption that you hadn't had breakfast I suppose. It's pretty obvious when a blokes fainted though and the superiors were there at the time. It'd be hard to tell if someone's pissed themselves in some locations though. I really couldn't tell you
macca Posted 2 July 2013 Author Posted 2 July 2013 Yeh, they'd charge you for fainting. On the assumption that you hadn't had breakfast I suppose. It's pretty obvious when a blokes fainted though and the superiors were there at the time. It'd be hard to tell if someone's pissed themselves in some locations though. I really couldn't tell you Yes, of course (not sure why someone would 'confess', though, if that were the case?) That sounds incredibly harsh to put someone on a charge, but then I say that as an outsider, so I guess there's a lot of things that would puzzle the likes of me!
The Year Of The Fox Posted 2 July 2013 Posted 2 July 2013 Yes, of course (not sure why someone would 'confess', though, if that were the case?) That sounds incredibly harsh to put someone on a charge, but then I say that as an outsider, so I guess there's a lot of things that would puzzle the likes of me! It's just the way it was. Confess to what? Not having breakfast? It wouldn't matter they'd still charge you. (£250 it was I believe) You used to have to shave every morning else you'd get charged too. On the way down to a muster parade one morning my best mate in there realised he'd forgot. His only solution was to burn the bum fluff (as it is a 16) with a fag lighter. He got away with it too. Another time he realised he'd lost one of his tie things that went around your sock which you'd then tuck the bottom of your trousers into. His solution was to get a dobber and use the rim/ring bit of that as a substitute. He actually got picked up by the Sergeant for not having his trouser tucked in properly- on the leg with the proper tie on
macca Posted 3 July 2013 Author Posted 3 July 2013 I've even heard there's a "right way" to faint when on parade?
Zingari Posted 3 July 2013 Posted 3 July 2013 I've even heard there's a "right way" to faint when on parade? Some ex marine told me that if you accidentally dropped your rifle you had to pretend to faint , not try to pick it up .
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