MADLEVEIN Posted 4 October 2005 Posted 4 October 2005 a woman is pregnant with triplits. 2 girls and 1 boy. She gets shot 3 times and their is a bullet in each baby. The doctor says not to worry because the babies will simply pee out the bullets when they grow up. years later, 1 girl says "mommy mommy, i peed out a bullet today" the mom tells her what happened and says "dont tell your sister n brother...i wouldnt want them to worry" A week later, the other girl says "mommy mommy, i peed out a bullet today" the mom explains the story and says "dont tell your brother, i wouldnt want him to worry" A week later, the boy says "mommy mommy,"...the mom says "i know i know, you peed out a bullet today." He says "no...i was having a wank and i shot the dog!"
Blue Arrow Posted 4 October 2005 Posted 4 October 2005 not heard that before. Ok heres another one. A preist is hearing confessions one afternoon when he needs a pee. He gets a janitr to take his place but the janitor resistys saying he doesn't know what to do. The priest says theres a char on the wall for most things. The janitor sits down and a man walks in/ "Forgive me father. I have had anal sex with another man." The janitor is shocked and keeps looking over the chart for anal sex. He starts to get worried opens the door and stops a choirboy walking past. "What does the father give for anal sex?" asked the janitor. "Well," said the choirboy, "he normally gives me a chocolate bar and a t-shirt."
john_lcfc Posted 4 October 2005 Posted 4 October 2005 not heard that before. Ok heres another one. A preist is hearing confessions one afternoon when he needs a pee. He gets a janitr to take his place but the janitor resistys saying he doesn't know what to do. The priest says theres a char on the wall for most things. The janitor sits down and a man walks in/ "Forgive me father. I have had anal sex with another man." The janitor is shocked and keeps looking over the chart for anal sex. He starts to get worried opens the door and stops a choirboy walking past. "What does the father give for anal sex?" asked the janitor. "Well," said the choirboy, "he normally gives me a chocolate bar and a t-shirt." sailing close to the wind but it made me chuckle out loud
BenFilbert Posted 5 October 2005 Posted 5 October 2005 a woman is pregnant with triplits. 2 girls and 1 boy. She gets shot 3 times and their is a bullet in each baby. The doctor says not to worry because the babies will simply pee out the bullets when they grow up. years later, 1 girl says "mommy mommy, i peed out a bullet today" the mom tells her what happened and says "dont tell your sister n brother...i wouldnt want them to worry" A week later, the other girl says "mommy mommy, i peed out a bullet today" the mom explains the story and says "dont tell your brother, i wouldnt want him to worry" A week later, the boy says "mommy mommy,"...the mom says "i know i know, you peed out a bullet today." He says "no...i was having a wank and i shot the dog!" Sorry, not funny at all.
BenFilbert Posted 5 October 2005 Posted 5 October 2005 not heard that before. Ok heres another one. A preist is hearing confessions one afternoon when he needs a pee. He gets a janitr to take his place but the janitor resistys saying he doesn't know what to do. The priest says theres a char on the wall for most things. The janitor sits down and a man walks in/ "Forgive me father. I have had anal sex with another man." The janitor is shocked and keeps looking over the chart for anal sex. He starts to get worried opens the door and stops a choirboy walking past. "What does the father give for anal sex?" asked the janitor. "Well," said the choirboy, "he normally gives me a chocolate bar and a t-shirt." That's better.
john_lcfc Posted 5 October 2005 Posted 5 October 2005 A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Well, hell, man, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here" hehe
john_lcfc Posted 5 October 2005 Posted 5 October 2005 A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I have a problem with my dick!" The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear." The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear." The lady the says, "What is that?" To which the man replied, "I can't piss out of it!" i could go on i love jokes
Blue Arrow Posted 5 October 2005 Posted 5 October 2005 A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I have a problem with my dick!" The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear." The man does as he's told and comes back in and says, "I have a problem with my ear." The lady the says, "What is that?" To which the man replied, "I can't piss out of it!" i could go on i love jokes That one is good. I like jokes but i can't be othered to type them out :sleeping:
Head Honcho Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 Saw this on forfoxsake earlier thought i'd share it Sir Alex gets a distressed phone call from Becks one night. "What's up david?" "Posh has gone away"cries Becks" and she's left me this jigsaw to do for Brooklyn and I can't do it. It's supposed to be a chicken and I can't sort it out." Sir Alex can't afford to have his player upset so he gets in the car and goes round to Becks house As he goes inside he hears uncontrollable wailing coming from the kitchen. There's Beckham sobbing on the floor surrounded by the offending pieces. "David," says Fergie kindly, "put the cornflakes away..."
Northants Fox Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 Saw this on forfoxsake earlier thought i'd share it Sir Alex gets a distressed phone call from Becks one night. "What's up david?" "Posh has gone away"cries Becks" and she's left me this jigsaw to do for Brooklyn and I can't do it. It's supposed to be a chicken and I can't sort it out." Sir Alex can't afford to have his player upset so he gets in the car and goes round to Becks house As he goes inside he hears uncontrollable wailing coming from the kitchen. There's Beckham sobbing on the floor surrounded by the offending pieces. "David," says Fergie kindly, "put the cornflakes away..." :thumbsup: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
john_lcfc Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 Saw this on forfoxsake earlier thought i'd share it Sir Alex gets a distressed phone call from Becks one night. "What's up david?" "Posh has gone away"cries Becks" and she's left me this jigsaw to do for Brooklyn and I can't do it. It's supposed to be a chicken and I can't sort it out." Sir Alex can't afford to have his player upset so he gets in the car and goes round to Becks house As he goes inside he hears uncontrollable wailing coming from the kitchen. There's Beckham sobbing on the floor surrounded by the offending pieces. "David," says Fergie kindly, "put the cornflakes away..." heard it before but it brings a welcome smile
Northants Fox Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 Got this one from the Daily Star last year What's the difference between a referee and god? God doesn't think he's a Referee
Head Honcho Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 :thumbsup: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: There's a few good Derby jokes on there as well!!
john_lcfc Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 what have will young and a washing machine got in common/. there both turned on by nobs
King Kyle lcfc Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 Got told this one at the pub it was funny at the time but its the worst joke i've ever heard "what do you call a train thats always late" Thomas the Bastard
Blue Arrow Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 Got told this one at the pub it was funny at the time but its the worst joke i've ever heard "what do you call a train thats always late" Thomas the Bastard :doh: A couple from Bernie How do you start a flea race? 1, 2, Flea, Go!! Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? Shes having it in the spring
cisono Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 ... Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? Shes having it in the spring hmmm don't find it that funny, sorry...
Northants Fox Posted 10 October 2005 Posted 10 October 2005 This one isn't that funny but it makes me laugh They buirid the Hokey Cokey champion the other day, it was going fine till they put his left leg in and that's when the trouble started
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