Wherethefoxhat?

"A syllable short of a chant " Love it !!

Nothing quite like waking up to a beautiful blow-job Unless you've been in a coma .....and you Nurses name is Gordon .

I'v built a prototype Jumbo Jet made entirely out of rubber. If it has to perform an emergency landing it will bounce . I'v called it the Boing 747 !

Everytime I leave my house i'm followed by a bird with long legs. I think i'm being storked !

Chinese girl who smashed the world record by 10 seconds says she was delighted . Chi Ting Twat says she even surprised herself !!

The head of the Somali Olympic squad has apologised on behalf of their team after realising that shooting & sailing were two separate events !

China has really impressed me in these Olympics. They use the same person for every event !

I bought myself a new pair of shoes today made out of banana skins. Slip- ons !

A six year old boy walks into the confessional & catches the Father masturbating. "What are you doing Father?" asks the boy "It's called wanking replies the Father.....you'll be doing it soon . "Why Father ?" says the youngster. "Because my arm is fookin killing me !"

Paddy's racing snail was coming last all the time so he decided that he would take his shell off before the next race . Mick sees him after the race and asks how his snail did this time . Paddy says "terrible....if anything it made him a little more sluggish !" I bought myself a blindfold this afternoon. Honestly can't see myself wearing it though !

Very small fishing rod Free to a good gnome

Yes you Mr Forum Fop......and right fookin clever dick if ever their was one.......... . You great crashing ,predictable,boring son of a bitch !!!

I dreamt last night i was enjoying a BJ off the blond one from Abba . Soon woke up when i felt his beard tickling my balls i can tell you !!

My mate is shagging twins who both like it up the ass. I asked him how he told them apart. "That's easy ,he said.....Sally has massive tits and a shaved pussy & Derek's got a moustache and big bollocks !"

A pikey comes home early one afternoon to find his daughter masturbating with a cucumber . "What the hell do you think you're doing" bellows the father? "I was going to have that for my tea & now it will taste disgusting !" "Calm down dad ,it's only a cucumber " replies the daughter . "Who's talking about the bloody cucumber " he shouts !

Not heard of this at any other club tbh ! It's the Underpass that makes it . It's been going since the Underpass was put there ........still trying to find out the year ! It's awesome after a particularly good victory !!

I don't know exactly the year the Underpass was built ......i'll try to find out ,but it's been a tradition ever since that !! No greater feeling for City fan than hearing that after a win ! Fantastic !!!

Great to hear this after last night's win ! Another great tradition for City fans which seems to have been around forever !! Long may it continue .........and a lot more regularly !!

It's all good for tomorrow . Brian Mcdonuts just won manager of the month ........the kiss of death !!!

Paddy comes staggering out of the zoo mangled and bloodied. Mick asks him what the hell happend. "Bollox to that says Paddy ......that's the last time i go lion dancing !"

My g/friends just texted me to find out where i was. I explained to her that i was attending my Anger Management Course. "How's it all going ?" she asked "Not good.....i replied....I'll fill you in later "

RIP Davy Jones . Back in the locker for you !!!

I bought a packet of those new Mystery Flavoured Walkers Crisps in my local last night. Hmmm.....they taste just like my ex-wifes pussy i thought ........but then i said to myself "No it's just my imagination !" But then nearly everyone in the pub agreed !

Mills anyone ?

Gadd sir........they shoot horses don't they ?