Foxhateram

Thanks everyone, it really has been a tough few days!! Got Physio on Friday cross fingers that will help! Sleep isn’t improving, if anything it’s getting worse!! Really need to get back to the drs to review tablets. I’m just constantly in so much pain!! Getting on my nerves (no pun intended)

It’s getting bad again. My sciatica has been awful recently and it’s stopping me from doing every day tasks like going for walks, playing sport and even working some days. It’s left me feeling useless and a bit pathetic. My partner needs me atm for some pretty serious issues and I’m so mentally drained from my tablets (Which I think might be making my depression worse) I’m finding it really hard to support her and keep myself afloat. I’m exhausted and spending a lot of time in my head, I’m my harshest critic and when my heads like this is best myself up inside, a lot!!! feeling really quite lost and lonely. Not sleeping well and having horrid vivid dreams. It’s just all getting too much right now!! My partner is usually my rock and my support, but with her not being in a mental state to do this, I’m really struggling with an almost feeling of rejection, where she isn’t available. It sounds selfish, but her current mood is very much coping herself and unfortunately we just don’t seem to be connecting or doing any of the things that make us a strong couple. She’s become very distant and in her own world, wanting her own space, which I understand but, it’s left me feeling really lonely, isolated and a bit rejected. Every time i suggest things for us to do, she’s not in the mood. It’s got to the point where I’m questioning if it’s just her mindset and feelings right now or whether we’ve genuinely lost everything that made us connect and work together. I’m in a dark place in my head, and I’m struggling to be the person I need to be to help the people I love. I’m really lost right now and worried about how to pick myself up.

Just another day….. on my own this xmas. I’m feeling it! My kids at their mum’s grandparents with mummy’s new fella and they haven’t been allowed to ring or message me Merry Christmas. Just doesn’t feel like Christmas at all. I guess this lonely time is a good time to try and fight some demons. Trying my best not to get on the drinks but there is a bottle of vodka singing for me in the cupboard. Will just sleep all day instead.

Thanks for the support guys. I’m working through things in my head and I will get there. Just got to find a purpose and a thing to work towards. I’m really lost at the moment and completely out of sync. But I’ll get there.

Fortunately someone kind on here helped me out. Thank you to FT for bailing me out again.

Embarrassingly I’m now stuck at a garage and can’t pay for the fuel, thought I had more money left. Police are coming to talk about it. What a ****ing mess just want the ground to swallow me up and take me away from this mess!! Take me away from this shit life!

Stuck in a rut recently. ****ed everything up with my partner who now ****ing hates me and run up a huge debt I can’t handle. About to be made homeless just before Christmas and feeling like no matter how hard I try nothing is good enough. Why do I always **** everything up so bad? What an absolute useless piece of shit I am! When my mind overthinks I end up ruining everything with my paranoia. What a ****ing great Christmas. sorry everyone ranting

Proper stuck for money this month guys. I get paid on the 25th anyone able to help out? So embarrassing asking but got no where to turn.

Hamza has impressed at training apparently and likely to become new club captain. Just something I’ve heard on the grapevine. Good for him if he does, has decent experience in this league tbf!

I’ve got a good feeling about him. He seems to have a clear vision and is keen to improve the atmosphere around the club. He seems Pearson esc in his approach, QPR people I know seem to have only good things to say about him and are gutted he’s left. If he can get the best out of Fatawu and Mavadidi and nurture our young talent (which he seems keen to do) then I think we are on to a winner. 🥇

Yes, we scored another but it was ‘offside’, nearly toppled their unbeaten run!

Sertraline made me feel so so numb! Even moments I should be enjoying I just drifted through, like I was watching my life from the outside while someone else lived it! It calmed my thoughts, but meant I didn’t feel anymore. Then again my mind is racing faster than a steam train at the moment and I’m just not coping well at all. Feel lonely even though I have people around me, can’t switch off that inner voice that is constantly doubting myself, telling me I’m not good enough. I just don’t feel like getting up in the mornings and right from the word go it’s a constant battle all day long. Feels like I get no peace from my over active brain! Seems impossible to relax and switch off! It’s affecting everything, my relationship, my friendships and my health. I just don’t seem to be able to stop the self destruct right now.

Get him out now. RVN gone, now time to continue clearing out the dead wood. Rudkin has sailed this ship into oblivion. Time to kick him off and start rebuilding again.

****ing hated Burnley under him. Most dull and vile football I’ve ever seen! I’m not a tippy tappy fan either, but 11 men behind the ball and hope to counter on the hoof is not what I want to see at my club. We had enough of that under Holloway and Levein thanks. We need to build a squad around our youngsters now. The type of football that would suit them best is quick wing play and fast paced, high press, quick passing football. Basically how we played the prem win season. Direct and penetrative but not hoofing. I hope our next manager can do that and get the best out of our young academy starlets. That’s the way forward now as a club.

Thanks mate. I’ll get there, just one of those days where everything gets a bit too much!