What not to say when applying for a job

[davieG]

Things people said on their CVs

• "I have a bachelorette degree in computers."
  
• "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
  
• "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
  
• "Served as assistant sore manager."
  
• "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
  
• "Special skills: Thyping."
  
• "Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."
  
• "I can play well with others."
  
• "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
  
• "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
  
• "I eat computers for lunch."
  
• "I have used lots of software appilcations."
  
• "Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."
  
• "Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."
  
• "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
  
• "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."
  
• "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
  
• "I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food."
  
• "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
  
• "I love dancing and throwing parties."
  
• "I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."
  
• "I am a rabid typist."
  
• "Special Skills: Speak English."
  
• "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
  
• "Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."
  
• "Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
  
• "Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."
  
• "Experience with: LBM-compatible computers."
  
• "Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward."
  
• "Typing Speed: 756 wpm."
  
• "Objectives: 10-year goal: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws."
  
• "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
  
• "Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."
  
• "Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
  
• "Interests: I like to workout in my free time. I enjoy listening to music. I love to shopping in new places."
  
• "Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."
  

Covering Letters:

• "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
  
• "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."
  
• "I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."
  
• "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."
  
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
  
• "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."
  
• "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."
  
• "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."
  
• "I am sicking and entry-level position."
  
• "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
  
• "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."
  
• "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."
  
• "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."
  
• "I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."
  
• "I need just enough money to have pizza every night."
  
• "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
  
• "I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."
  
• "My primary goal is to be recognized."
  
• "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."
  
• "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."
  
• "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."
  
• "Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."
  
• "I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."
  
• "I worked here full-time there."
  
• "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."
  
• "You are privileged to receive my resume."
  

[Hitesh]

Are these from experience or just picked up from a site??

Either way they are funny!

[davieG]

Are these from experience or just picked up from a site??

Either way they are funny!

[Anish]

[Blue Arrow]

hahahah

[Northants Fox]

Very Funny. :laugh: :laugh:

[cisono]

lol

I bet some of those have actually been used by someone ....