Good Jokes!

[Sophie]

Anyone know any good jokes?? ... just think we should have some fun!

[Hitesh]

not at the moment, sorry...but when i do i will post them!

[Sophie]

A couple had been married for twenty years and every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the lights. But after twenty years of this his wife was a bit fed up and finally confronted him about it.

So the next night, while they were in the middle of a wild, passionate session, she switched on the lights. As she looked down she saw to her amazement that her husband was using a battery-powered vibrator on her. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent w**k*r!" She screamed at him, "how could you lie to me all these years? You'd better have a good explanation!"

Her husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly: "I'll explain the sex toy if you explain the five kids."

[Libertine]

A couple had been married for twenty years and every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the lights. But after twenty years of this his wife was a bit fed up and finally confronted him about it.

So the next night, while they were in the middle of a wild, passionate session, she switched on the lights. As she looked down she saw to her amazement that her husband was using a battery-powered vibrator on her. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent w**k*r!" She screamed at him, "how could you lie to me all these years? You'd better have a good explanation!"

Her husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly: "I'll explain the sex toy if you explain the five kids."

Good'n.

[Hitesh]

A couple had been married for twenty years and every time they made love the husband always insisted on turning off the lights. But after twenty years of this his wife was a bit fed up and finally confronted him about it.

So the next night, while they were in the middle of a wild, passionate session, she switched on the lights. As she looked down she saw to her amazement that her husband was using a battery-powered vibrator on her. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent w**k*r!" She screamed at him, "how could you lie to me all these years? You'd better have a good explanation!"

Her husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly: "I'll explain the sex toy if you explain the five kids."

funny!

My flatmates also pass on their laughs!

[Hitesh]

from a flatmate:

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, it told him to enter a password. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in.

"P....E....N....I....S.."

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

lol lol

[Libertine]

from a flatmate:

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, it told him to enter a password. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in.

"P....E....N....I....S.."

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

:laugh: I like it! Well done to your flatmate. <_<

[Sophie]

me to thats good that is !

[cisono]

they are both good ...

I don't want to sound ungrateful... but

I need a better one to cheer me up today

[Blue Arrow]

from a flatmate:

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, it told him to enter a password. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in.

"P....E....N....I....S.."

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

lol lol

I like that one. But ive heard sophies before.

[Sophie]

I like that one. But ive heard sophies before.

my dad told it me this mornin, jst thought id cheer peeps up

[Blue Arrow]

A young holy boy was going to vatican city to see the pope. His mum said to him i'll make sure he speaks to you by buying you a QPR shirt as the pope is a big footy fan and will be sure to see the famous hooped shirt.

The boy is all excited the next day and is looking out for the popemobile. When he sees it the pope gets out and bends down and talks to a little boy in a Forest shirt and doesnt stop to see the QPR boy.

So that night the mum looks and looks and finally find a forest shirt and the boy goes back the next day in the forest shirt. This time the popemobile stops. The pope gets out and bends down to the litle boy and says.

"I thought i told you to *** off yesterday."

[toonboy]

Not sure if this will work in writing, just read it outloud to yourself

Tony Blair is sitting in Downing Street with Gordon Brown, feeling a bit bored. He's been Prime Minister for quite a few years now and fancies a bit of a change.

'Gordon, I want to rule a Kingdom' he says boldly.

'You can't Tony, your not a King'

He thinks for a moment before saying 'Ok i want to rule a Principality'

Brown shakes his head and replies 'You can't Tony your not a Prince'

Both men think for a minute before Brown says 'I think you should stick to running the country Tony'

Not sure if thats going to work. You bright sparks will get it.

[Libertine]

Not sure if this will work in writing, just read it outloud to yourself

Tony Blair is sitting in Downing Street with Gordon Brown, feeling a bit bored. He's been Prime Minister for quite a few years now and fancies a bit of a change.

'Gordon, I want to rule a Kingdom' he says boldly.

'You can't Tony, your not a King'

He thinks for a moment before saying 'Ok i want to rule a Principality'

Brown shakes his head and replies 'You can't Tony your not a Prince'

Both men think for a minute before Brown says 'I think you should stick to running the country Tony'

Not sure if thats going to work. You bright sparks will get it.

Good'n.

[Hitesh]

Not sure if this will work in writing, just read it outloud to yourself

Tony Blair is sitting in Downing Street with Gordon Brown, feeling a bit bored. He's been Prime Minister for quite a few years now and fancies a bit of a change.

'Gordon, I want to rule a Kingdom' he says boldly.

'You can't Tony, your not a King'

He thinks for a moment before saying 'Ok i want to rule a Principality'

Brown shakes his head and replies 'You can't Tony your not a Prince'

Both men think for a minute before Brown says 'I think you should stick to running the country Tony'

Not sure if thats going to work. You bright sparks will get it.

Made me laugh!

[Hitesh]

A kid got home from school and his grandma asked him

"What did you learn at school today?"

Kid replied: "I learnt about penises, and vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation"

Straight away, the grandma slapped the kid, who went straight up to his room and cryed! the mum asked the grandma why she had slapped him. Grandma said that he was bein rude talking about sex, and penises, and masturbation! Mum replied saying its what they do at school and they call it sexual education.

So grandma went up stairs to see the kid, opened the door and found the kid masturbating. So grandma replied:

"when you're finished with your homework, come downstairs and talk to me"

It made me laugh the first time i heard it and most of you probably have coz iv heard it loads!

[cisono]

Not sure if this will work in writing, just read it outloud to yourself

...

[cisono]

A kid got home from school and his grandma asked him

"What did you learn at school today?"

...

It made me laugh the first time i heard it and most of you probably have coz iv heard it loads!

[frenchy_lcfc]

Heres One Hope you find it Funny!!

THE TEST!

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured bycannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your

face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the

ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

[Libertine]

Very good.

[Sparky]

HOW TO GET LEAVE

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not

allow me to take any leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then

he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My

co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss

would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are

you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a

couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the

blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "And where do you think you're

going?"

she said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!

[Libertine]

Soccer AM.

[frenchy_lcfc]

HOW TO GET LEAVE

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not

allow me to take any leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then

he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My

co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss

would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are

you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a

couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the

blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "And where do you think you're

going?"

she said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!

[Sparky]

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit-bull on a leash.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog.

"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file.

Whose funeral is it?

The man replied, "Well, the first hearse is for my wife"

"What happened to her?"

The man replied " My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered "My Mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Join the queue"

[Sparky]

Soccer AM.

really ? i nicked off alliance league website