moseeds Posted 4 June 2006 Posted 4 June 2006 Apologies if this has been posted already... It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered." Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself-you lads go down the pub." So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself! Anyway, a few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on. "Result from the Stadium 'Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes)." They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." "Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!" "No, no, I have, I've let you down...I got sent off after 12 minutes."
Lemon Harpic Posted 4 June 2006 Posted 4 June 2006 I think that joke works better if you replace England with a team like Scotland or Wales. That makes it funnier!
Tommy Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 I think that joke works better if you replace England with a team like Scotland or Wales. That makes it funnier! 'Twas the original joke...
Daggers Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 I think that joke works better if you replace England with a team like Scotland or Wales. That makes it funnier! ...if you change the team to Scotland or Wales you also have to change the time of the sending off to 5 minutes, and goal scored to 3 minutes, in order for it to retain its humorous believability
hibeeleicester Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 ive got one for you all then --------------------- Football Survey The English FA have joined with a medical research company who make viagra to survey the size of the average english football fans pen!s. They have all England football fans with a Pen!s smaller than 3" to fly a white flag with a red cross on from houses and cars its your own fault for saying it should be scotland in that joke Only messing people incase you think i totally hate english
Daggers Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 ive got one for you all then --------------------- Football Survey The English FA have joined with a medical research company who make viagra to survey the size of the average english football fans pen!s. They have all England football fans with a Pen!s smaller than 3" to fly a white flag with a red cross on from houses and cars its your own fault for saying it should be scotland in that joke Only messing people incase you think i totally hate english ...and all the Scots with tiny richards are flying the Union Jack I believe
hibeeleicester Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 ...and all the Scots with tiny richards are flying the Union Jack I believe We don't need to hang any flags
Daggers Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 Does having average endowment make up for not ever going to the World cup anymore then
hibeeleicester Posted 5 June 2006 Posted 5 June 2006 Does having average endowment make up for not ever going to the World cup anymore then Shall i post the scotland 5 v 1 england win at wembly 1966 10 good things about scotland in the world cup 1 Archie Gemells Goal 2Allys Tartan Army song 3 Did i mention Archie Gemmils goal in 78 4 1 v 1 draw with brazil 5 Only team not to lose a match and still go out 6 Gemmils goal in 78 7 Jason Scotland for T & T 8 Have i ....... 9 .......mentioned the 10......Archie Gemmil goal 1978
Daggers Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 Shall i post the scotland 5 v 1 england win at wembly 1966 10 good things about scotland in the world cup 1 Archie Gemells Goal 2Allys Tartan Army song 3 Did i mention Archie Gemmils goal in 78 4 1 v 1 draw with brazil 5 Only team not to lose a match and still go out 6 Gemmils goal in 78 7 Jason Scotland for T & T 8 Have i ....... 9 .......mentioned the 10......Archie Gemmil goal 1978
samingram_uk Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 i got one for ya ( **** h8 it though ) Why are brazilians so good at sex? Becuase they can lob seaman for 50 yards.
Daggers Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 i got one for ya ( **** h8 it though ) Why are brazilians so good at sex? Becuase they can lob seaman for 50 yards. I'd hate to be your girlfriend if that is what you think constitutes good sex
samingram_uk Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 I'd hate to be your girlfriend if that is what you think constitutes good sex yer
Lemon Harpic Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 Shall i post the scotland 5 v 1 england win at wembly 1966 Scotland didn't play at Wembley in '66. In the Auld Enemy match that year the soon-to-be-World Champions beat Scotland 4-3 at Hampden. The only time Scotland have beaten their betters from south of the border 5-1 was waaaaaaaay back in 1928, the same time that in Germany an Austrian painter by the name of Adolf Hitler was trying to build up the obscure Nazi party and formed the Schutzstaffeln, or SS. Are you by any chance thinking of Scotland's 3-2 win in '67, which, as success-straved sweaties will still tell you today, made Scotland unofficial world champions?
hibeeleicester Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 Scotland didn't play at Wembley in '66. In the Auld Enemy match that year the soon-to-be-World Champions beat Scotland 4-3 at Hampden. The only time Scotland have beaten their betters from south of the border 5-1 was waaaaaaaay back in 1928, the same time that in Germany an Austrian painter by the name of Adolf Hitler was trying to build up the obscure Nazi party and formed the Schutzstaffeln, or SS. Are you by any chance thinking of Scotland's 3-2 win in '67, which, as success-straved sweaties will still tell you today, made Scotland unofficial world champions? Ye sorry i got my games mixed up We still are champions of the world!!!!!!!!!!
Daggers Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 I know this has probably been done to death - but I would LOVE the home internationals back ... and I would adore it if the three other nations would qualify for the WC as well. It may be wishing some for NI to get there but looking at some of the teams that qualify it seems a crying shame that Giggs has never played in a world cup - and there is an arguement that Scotlands absence has deprived the world of another Dalglish.
Lemon Harpic Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 I know this has probably been done to death - but I would LOVE the home internationals back No, no, no! England already lags too far behind the top football nations, especially in terms of tactics and skill. We need to be testing our mettle against the best. Playing backwards football against inferior opposition is only going to hold us back. What we need is a United Kingdom national football side. That represents probably the best chance we have of seeing a Welsh, Scottish or Northern Irish player at the World Cup. For a while, anyway...
Daggers Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 No, no, no! England already lags too far behind the top football nations, especially in terms of tactics and skill. We need to be testing our mettle against the best. Playing backwards football against inferior opposition is only going to hold us back. What we need is a United Kingdom national football side. That represents probably the best chance we have of seeing a Welsh, Scottish or Northern Irish player at the World Cup. For a while, anyway... Some may think naughty thoughts, some may do naughty deeds when the lights are out - but you just shoot out of leftfield and go for it in public Kudos! But... here is the lates FIFA ranking: 1 Brazil 2 Czech Republic 3 Netherlands 4 Mexico 5 USA 5 Spain 7 Portugal 8 France 9 Argentina 10 England How is this lagging behind the top nations? Discounting the countries that are there because they play T&T every week we are up there with the great and the good. All the bookies place England as 2nd or 3rd fave - that is not a lagging position. In place of the cockarse friendlies we play that count for nothing, the Home Internationals meant something, they were fought for. They developed play. England players would be sober the night before playing Scotland ... they sure as fudge weren't the night before playing Maradona and his hand! I don't know how old you are but I remember the HI's - and they were the highlight of all of my summer holidays from school (along with the nations of football fans). Where I totally agree is the adoption of a UK team ~ but that will never happen in these days of devolution and individual FA politics.
Daggers Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 No, no, no! England already lags too far behind the top football nations, especially in terms of tactics and skill. We need to be testing our mettle against the best. Playing backwards football against inferior opposition is only going to hold us back. What we need is a United Kingdom national football side. That represents probably the best chance we have of seeing a Welsh, Scottish or Northern Irish player at the World Cup. For a while, anyway... Some may think naughty thoughts, some may do naughty deeds when the lights are out - but you just shoot out of leftfield and go for it in public Kudos! But... here is the lates FIFA ranking: 1 Brazil 2 Czech Republic 3 Netherlands 4 Mexico 5 USA 5 Spain 7 Portugal 8 France 9 Argentina 10 England How is this lagging behind the top nations? Discounting the countries that are there because they play T&T every week we are up there with the great and the good. All the bookies place England as 2nd or 3rd fave - that is not a lagging position. In place of the cockarse friendlies we play that count for nothing, the Home Internationals meant something, they were fought for. They developed play. England players would be sober the night before playing Scotland ... they sure as fudge weren't the night before playing Maradona and his hand! I don't know how old you are but I remember the HI's - and they were the highlight of all of my summer holidays from school (along with the nations of football fans). Where I totally agree is the adoption of a UK team ~ but that will never happen in these days of devolution and individual FA politics.
Lemon Harpic Posted 6 June 2006 Posted 6 June 2006 But... here is the lates FIFA ranking: 1 Brazil 2 Czech Republic 3 Netherlands 4 Mexico 5 USA 5 Spain 7 Portugal 8 France 9 Argentina 10 England How is this lagging behind the top nations? Let us look at the last time we have played some of these teams, our supposed equals... Brazil - Absolutely insipid England performance against this team in Japanorea 2002. Even after they went down to 10 men they still left England standing. Spain - People mainly remember the racist abuse Ashley Cole recieved, but in the match Spain had roughly 99.98% of the possesion and looked light years ahead of the unimaginative and leaden England team. Portugal - When they turned on the quality after starting badly in this Euro 2004 match, England simply could not cope with their skill and creativity. France - Also beat us at Euro 2004. Argentina - Although they lost the match after taking all their best players off, they were beating us thanks to a level of quality possesion and creativity that England couldn't deal with. There is a pattern here. England lacks the creativity and the quality in possesion of the top teams. It's embarrasing when we play them to see just how far we have to go, but if we are to address our national deficiencies then we must play against as high a calibre of team as possible. None of the other home countries can give us what we need.
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