I've been supporting city for well over 35 years. I've clapped when others have booed.
I sit in the Kop at the front so can see the players upclose - their body language, what they're saying, their nervousness, anger, all the emotion we too feel and more. Many of them look like children to me the older I get. Some of them aren't much older than my own.
At the last home game against Swansea for the first time in years at the final whistle my own anger bubbled over and I joined the chorus of boos but - stopped immediately as some the players turned towards the fans. I was angry, some of them made eye contact like schoolboys in trouble, empathy changed my reaction. They don't know what to do or say. I don't know what to do or say. Everyone is deflated.
I missed last night's Hull game. When we last got relegated to League 1 I was sat in the Kop further away. I was younger and hurled some choice vitriol but none of it carried, it was impersonal. Maybe I need to be angrier, maybe it achieves nothing anyway. Apathy set in long ago and now it's mostly habit carrying me to filbert way. I join in songs when others don't but mustering the heart to sing has felt like a chore.
My season ticket seems to have auto-renewed but I can't imagine I would have let it lapse in despondency. Hope is very expensive, as Top has found out...
I don't think the fanbase is divided as much as this thread is suggesting. We're collectively angry, soon there will be grief. Whether Top continues I don't know but Top has to show there is change afoot - retiring Rudkin will send the right signal and pacify the majority of us. He has no obvious circle of footballing advisors around him so what happens next is anyone's guess, including Top's.