Fez of Mahrez Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Have you ever embellished an unspectacular truth on a CV or job application? I think this is a fantastic attempt to make an ordinary career sound legendary. Link With a playing career spanning 3 decades, well over 500 matches and more than 200 goals scored in the Premiership and all 3 divisions of the Nationwide League, Brett Angell brings a wealth of experience to the players represented by Progression Sports Management. Derby County 0 0 Stockport County 84 33 Southend United 136 63 Everton 21 1 Sunderland 11 1 Sheffield United 6 2 WBA 3 0 Stockport 151 61 Notts County 6 5 Preston 15 8 Walsall 70 17 Rushden & D 7 2 Port Vale 17 7 QPR 13 0 Total 540 200 So by my reckoning that's one Premiership goal. And the "more than 200 goals" is a bit of a liberty too. And that Premiership goal; 9.Brett Angell (one goal and he nearly missed that from 4 yards) Link Takes the piss really, doesn't it? Christ, I'm never going to get those ten minutes of my life back. So come on, what's the most amusing porkie you've told on your CV?
Fez of Mahrez Posted 17 November 2006 Author Posted 17 November 2006 I was just about to do a CV thread Fibber.
Daggers Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Fibber. CURRICULUM VITAE Name: D. Bob Age: 10 years off actual date Health: Outright lie Hobbies: Fibs, distortions and made up facts Work Experience: Embroiled Educational Qualifications: Sadly, too many, indicating a lack of desire to work in a proper job References: Names of friends who are prepared to lie Plus, letters of recommendation written by self, supported by emails and webpages I set up.
Fez of Mahrez Posted 17 November 2006 Author Posted 17 November 2006 CURRICULUM VITAE Name: D. Bob Age: 10 years off actual date Health: Outright lie Hobbies: Fibs, distortions and made up facts Work Experience: Embroiled Educational Qualifications: Sadly, too many, indicating a lack of desire to work in a proper job References: Names of friends who are prepared to lie Plus, letters of recommendation written by self, supported by emails and webpages I set up. I feel sorry for you, it must be a bastard when you're overqualified for every single vacancy in the world.
cisono Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 CURRICULUM VITAE Name: D. Bob Age: 10 years off actual date Health: Outright lie Hobbies: Fibs, distortions and made up facts Work Experience: Embroiled Educational Qualifications: Sadly, too many, indicating a lack of desire to work in a proper job References: Names of friends who are prepared to lie Plus, letters of recommendation written by self, supported by emails and webpages I set up. Sadly, so true... One wonders why we bother with CVs One entrepreneur from London told me that earlier this year he hired two accountancy graduates (originally from Eastern Europe). Both of them later turned out not to have got an accountancy (or any other) degree That is definitely TOO CREATIVE for my liking
davieG Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Sadly, so true... One wonders why we bother with CVs One entrepreneur from London told me that earlier this year he hired two accountancy graduates (originally from Eastern Europe). Both of them later turned out not to have got an accountancy (or any other) degree That is definitely TOO CREATIVE for my liking Well suited to creative accountancy I would have thought
Daggers Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Sadly, so true... One wonders why we bother with CVs One entrepreneur from London told me that earlier this year he hired two accountancy graduates (originally from Eastern Europe). Both of them later turned out not to have got an accountancy (or any other) degree That is definitely TOO CREATIVE for my liking Does that mean he now has two vacancies - I'll send my CV
vanfox12 Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Always omit jobs which you got fired from or only lasted two minutes. For example i got sacked from McDonalds after two weeks in the job. To be truthful it was during the summer holidays after my first year at Uni and frankly after the intial dissapointment i was quite glad as i didn't really like the job anyway. I also worked for about 8 days in a telesales job selling Fax paper during my gap year before Uni. It was commissioned based and frankly i was crap at it and one afternoon i went home sick and never came back.
Daggers Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Always omit jobs which you got fired from or only lasted two minutes. For example i got sacked from McDonalds after two weeks in the job. Two weeks? Two weeks! After working seven shifts you get to keep the unifom and get a full set of stars on your badge. Pussy. I lasted two shifts.
vanfox12 Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Two weeks? Two weeks! After working seven shifts you get to keep the unifom and get a full set of stars on your badge. Pussy. I lasted two shifts. You lasted that long eh? Keep the uniform and get some stars you must be joking. I gave my unifom back the same day i got the sack.
lookwhaticando Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 I was quite creative with mine... The font is royal blue, the paper is yellow.
cisono Posted 17 November 2006 Posted 17 November 2006 Well suited to creative accountancy I would have thought Pity they had no idea about accounts. Perhaps he should have trained them in accountancy. Then he'd have had his creative accountants!
Foxed Posted 18 November 2006 Posted 18 November 2006 Does it count if you quit just before/after you've been sacked? I worked in a 'seconds' underwear shop in the city centre (not there now-for obvious reasons-yes they do exist, and no I don't suggest you buy anything from them) I was told in no uncertain terms that with an attitude like mine tomorrow would be my last day working there. 'Tomorrow' would have been a Saturday and City were at home. There was no chance I was working then anyway (although I hadn't yet broached that). So I told the manager with an attitude like hers today was my last day and downed tools and left. Just after being paid for a full week's work! And no that doesn't appear on my CV strangely enough!
cisono Posted 18 November 2006 Posted 18 November 2006 Does it count if you quit just before/after you've been sacked? I worked in a 'seconds' underwear shop in the city centre (not there now-for obvious reasons-yes they do exist, and no I don't suggest you buy anything from them) I was told in no uncertain terms that with an attitude like mine tomorrow would be my last day working there. 'Tomorrow' would have been a Saturday and City were at home. There was no chance I was working then anyway (although I hadn't yet broached that). So I told the manager with an attitude like hers today was my last day and downed tools and left. Just after being paid for a full week's work! And no that doesn't appear on my CV strangely enough! Two questions a prospective employer might like an answer to: - What was wrong with your attitude and... - Have you fixed your attitude since?
Foxed Posted 18 November 2006 Posted 18 November 2006 Ha ha! I know it's easy for me to say but there actually wasn't anything wrong with my attitude, she was just a pain in the arse. My dad got me the job cos he'd done some work for the bloke who owned it. When I told him I'd only lasted a week he was impressed I'd even lasted that long! He only managed to work with the family for 1 day every 6 months or so!
vanfox12 Posted 18 November 2006 Posted 18 November 2006 Two questions a prospective employer might like an answer to: - What was wrong with your attitude and... - Have you fixed your attitude since? Sometimes it is the attitude of the employer that is wrong. There are some bastards out there.
cisono Posted 18 November 2006 Posted 18 November 2006 Sometimes it is the attitude of the employer that is wrong. There are some bastards out there. I'll have to agree with that *sigh* <_<
Daggers Posted 18 November 2006 Posted 18 November 2006 I'll have to agree with that *sigh* <_< Aaaaaaaaaaaah
Foxed Posted 19 November 2006 Posted 19 November 2006 Yup-agree in my case (but then I would say that!)
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