fox123 Posted 8 October 2010 Posted 8 October 2010 This is a thread more for the older generation of posters... Does anyone have any? If so, how are you getting along with them? Do you have any arguments with your partner over them? Or am I just f00kin doomed?
stez Posted 8 October 2010 Posted 8 October 2010 This is a thread more for the older generation of posters... Does anyone have any? If so, how are you getting along with them? Do you have any arguments with your partner over them? Or am I just f00kin doomed? i don't (as of yet) but i'd have no idea how to handle the whole thing. I'm find praising and telling off my own kid, but someone elses i wouldn't be comfortable with at all. But maybe it'd come with time. It'd also depend on whether i moved into their house or them into mine, if it was me to their's i'd feel a bit like i was a cuckoo in their nest. But it can work, i have seen it when it has worked.
jonthefox Posted 8 October 2010 Posted 8 October 2010 Ive got a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
FoxyPV Posted 8 October 2010 Posted 8 October 2010 Yes, I've 4 stepkids but am too pissed right now to make a coherent post so reply to this and i'l post in the morning
BoneDog Posted 8 October 2010 Posted 8 October 2010 I had shitloads of step-dads. I think you will probably have a few arguements about them but mainly that will be the kids faults if they piss about and bring un-needed stress to the house.
FoxyPV Posted 9 October 2010 Posted 9 October 2010 This is a thread more for the older generation of posters... Does anyone have any? If so, how are you getting along with them? Do you have any arguments with your partner over them? Or am I just f00kin doomed? I get on quite well with them now but it was really hard for the first couple of years as they were all teenagers when me and the missus started going out and because I'm a good bit younger than her. There's no point in getting too wound up about it as it won't achieve anything and anyway they all leave home eventually I'm quite a laid back person so it takes quite a lot to wind me up but it has happened and once they find out what does it they will probably keep on doing to annoy you (although this would happen if they were your own flesh and blood). One of the main things I learned was to never get invovled in any arguments with them or tell them to do stuff (tidying up etc). Always ask, preferrably in the nicest tones, as you will ALWAYS be the bad guy regardless of whether it's your fault or not. (I used to get the blame for everything even when I was actually in work - they need someone to blame and they can't blame their parent so you'll get it) Let the better half deal with any difficult/ contentious issues even if it's you that raises them as they are unlikely to listen to you. Don't argue with the better half over them - sit down and talk without getting annoyed because they are in a shit position too - caught between you and the kids. What age they are will be the basis for what kid of relationship you have with them - the younger the better (but don't try and assume that you can have a parental role you have to let them designate this to you) if they are teens you're fooked regardless but try and find a bit of common ground to make life a bit easier. One of the things I've found beneficial is venting - If something is particularly annoying me but the missus has already said to the kids about it - I'll say "look, Im just venting a bit of frustration here and i know you've already said to them but this is what's annoying me ... start endless list..." and I'll feel better but will acknowledge that she's already done her bit and it will hopefully resolve itself in time. Make sure you work on your relationship and do things that bring the two of you closer together as any kids will put a strain on your relationship nevermind ones that are being difficult then add to that money and job worries and it all piles up. If the two of you are singing from the same hymn sheet it makes life a lot easier and if you appear to be a strong unit then it makes it harder for the kids to try and play you off each other (I hate that bit) I can't think of anything else but if i do i'll post. Hope that helps.
Zingari Posted 9 October 2010 Posted 9 October 2010 if i could do it again , i think i'd get a small flat /bedsit of my own as a sort of retreat for a few days a week . but Foxy PV seems to have a good measure on the situation . things can be worse if you also have kids from a previous relationship , now that is a fookin minefield
FoxyPV Posted 9 October 2010 Posted 9 October 2010 if i could do it again , i think i'd get a small flat /bedsit of my own as a sort of retreat for a few days a week . but Foxy PV seems to have a good measure on the situation . things can be worse if you also have kids from a previous relationship , now that is a fookin minefield I'd love one of these for me and her get some peace and quiet.
Walkers Wench Posted 9 October 2010 Posted 9 October 2010 I haven't got any,,but i am one. Although I'm an adult now, I recall how miserable it made me in my early teens. I think it all depends on how the parents handle it, as to how the kids cope and adapt to it.
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