Rincewind Posted 16 November 2012 Posted 16 November 2012 A Choral Christmas It was Christmas Eve and all was quiet in the House but for the un-tuneful singing of its oldest resident Kneezup Rouge. Even though living in shared accommodation for the homeless he felt his life was now about to change for the better. He had a new job, found a place of his own to live and had met the woman of his dreams. Suddenly a flash of light momentarily blinded him and before him stood a man dressed all in red. Kneezeup blinked then gasped, ‘Father Christmas, things can’t get any better!’ ‘Father Christmas?’ came the reply, ‘Humbug. He is just a fantasy. I am a Christmas Ghost. I do have a present for you, but first I am going to take you on a journey .’ Just then there was a knock on the door. Kneezup opened it to see a young boy dressed in rags. He smiled as he held out a bowl in front of him. ‘Excuse me sir, my name is Ollie, would you be having some spare gruel for a poor boy?’ Kneezup and the Ghost looked at each other, then at the boy. Speaking together they said ‘S*d off’, as Kneezup slammed the door shut. ‘Now where were we?’ The Ghost said, ‘I know, a little trip.’ With these words the Ghost snapped his fingers and Kneezup found himself in a strange room. Before him stood two people, one he recognized as himself. The other was speaking. ‘I’m sorry, the business has gone up-the-spout, there isn’t even a penny to pay severance.’ ‘What is this?’ Kneezup said to the Ghost. ‘This is your future, and there’s more.’ He snapped his fingers again and Kneezup found himself looking at a house that had a “TO LET†sign in front of it. ‘This is your new house, or should I say wasâ€, and not waiting for an answer the Ghost snapped his fingers again. Now Kneezup was in a room that he knew as his new girlfriends flat. From an adjoining room there came strange sounds. Curiosity got the better of him and he opened the door. He immediately shut it again. ‘How dare she.’ He blurted out, She never let me do that.’ ‘Well Kneezup, I suppose she’s your past as well†Suddenly he was back in his small room. ‘Why have you done this,’ Kneezup said slumping in a chair. ‘You are back where you started, with no room to swing a cat, and a TV with no aerial . I’ll leave you to reflect on that.’ With that the Ghost had gone. ‘Thanks!’ said Kneezup. “And where’s my present?’ Kneezup went to the kitchen cupboard and brought out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. ‘Not a drink for a week and now I don’t care anymore.’ He thought to himself. He poured some whiskey into the glass then raised it to his mouth. Halfway up he stopped. ‘Wait, what am I doing?’ He said aloud. ‘The job wasn’t so great, 50 hours a week?, No thank you. That girl was just a fling, and as for the flat, well as my dear old Mum used to say about buses, another will be along in a minute.’ Kneezup poured the glass of whiskey down the sink and put the bottle back into the cupboard. He started singing, ‘I’m H.A.P.P.Y, I’m H.A.P.P.Y, Yes I am, Yes I am, I’m H.A.P.P.Y.’ For Kneezup now knew what the Ghost’s present was. He had been given the gift of positive thinking.
Rincewind Posted 24 December 2012 Author Posted 24 December 2012 As it is Christmas Bump. A Choral Christmas It was Christmas Eve and all was quiet in the Safe House but for the un-tuneful singing of its oldest resident Bunk Kneezup Rouge. Even though living in shared accommodation for the homeless he felt his life was now about to change for the better. He had a new job, found a place of his own to live and had met the woman of his dreams. Suddenly a flash of light momentarily blinded him and before him stood a man dressed all in red. Kneezeup blinked then gasped, ‘Father Christmas, things can’t get any better!’ ‘Father Christmas?’ came the reply, ‘Humbug. He is just a fantasy. I am Zingari, a Christmas Ghost. I do have a present for you, but first I am going to take you on a journey .’ Just then there was a knock on the door. Kneezup opened it to see a young boy dressed in rags. He smiled as he held out a bowl in front of him. ‘Excuse me sir, my name is Webbo, would you be having some spare gruel for a poor boy?’ Kneezup and the Ghost looked at each other, then at the boy. Speaking together they said ‘S*d off’, as Kneezup slammed the door shut. ‘Now where were we?’ The Ghost said, ‘I know, a little trip.’ With these words the Ghost snapped his fingers and Kneezup found himself in a strange room. Before him stood two people, one he recognized as himself. The other was speaking. ‘I’m sorry, the business has gone up-the-spout, there isn’t even a penny to pay severance.’ ‘What is this?’ Kneezup said to the Ghost. ‘This is your future, and there’s more.’ He snapped his fingers again and Kneezup found himself looking at a house that had a “TO LET†sign in front of it. ‘This is your new house, or should I say wasâ€, and not waiting for an answer the Ghost snapped his fingers again. Now Kneezup was in a room that he knew as his new girlfriends flat. From an adjoining room there came strange sounds. Curiosity got the better of him and he opened the door. He immediately shut it again. ‘How dare she.’ He blurted out, She never let me do that.’ ‘Well Kneezup, I suppose she’s your past as well†Suddenly he was back in his small room. ‘Why have you done this,’ Kneezup said slumping in a chair. ‘You are back where you started, with no room to swing a cat, and a TV with no aerial . I’ll leave you to reflect on that.’ With that the Ghost had gone. ‘Thanks!’ said Kneezup. “And where’s my present?’ Kneezup went to the kitchen cupboard and brought out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. ‘Not a drink for a week and now I don’t care anymore.’ He thought to himself. He poured some whiskey into the glass then raised it to his mouth. Halfway up he stopped. ‘Wait, what am I doing?’ He said aloud. ‘The job wasn’t so great, 50 hours a week?, No thank you. That girl was just a fling, and as for the flat, well as my dear old Mum used to say about buses, another will be along in a minute.’ Kneezup poured the glass of whiskey down the sink and put the bottle back into the cupboard. He started singing, ‘I’m H.A.P.P.Y, I’m H.A.P.P.Y, Yes I am, Yes I am, I’m H.A.P.P.Y.’ For Kneezup now knew what the Ghost’s present was. He had been given the gift of positive thinking.
Webbo Posted 26 December 2012 Posted 26 December 2012 Just then there was a knock on the door. Kneezup opened it to see a young boy dressed in rags. He smiled as he held out a bowl in front of him. ‘Excuse me sir, my name is Webbo, would you be having some spare gruel for a poor boy?’ Kneezup and the Ghost looked at each other, then at the boy. Speaking together they said ‘S*d off’, as Kneezup slammed the door shut. Quite right too. The scrounging little bastard.
Zingari Posted 26 December 2012 Posted 26 December 2012 Do I get treble time for working at Christmas ?
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.