To anybody in Scotland that is suffering with fever, fatigue, muscle aches, dry mouth, breathing problems, cold sweats, shivers, shakes and hallucinations. Don’t panic, you do not have swine flu.
You need to call your drug dealer. That smack you bought earlier is wearing off.
Apparently the symptoms of swine flu are; sweating, excessive body odour and laziness.
No wonder it went unnoticed for so long in Mexico.