The Evil

[Rincewind]

Someone mailed me on Writing.com and said this would make a good childrens story. That was not my intention. Just did it as a short fantasy.

A long time long ago, magic was all around and mages ruled as kings. One day, an evil force came to the lands so strong that all mages succumbed to its power except one, the newly married Prince Zacradia.

For 10 hours Prince Zacradia fought the evil force until he fell exhausted to his knees. His new bride, Princess Amourille, pleaded with him to stop for the sake of their future children, but Prince Zacradia was defiant.

"I must do this for our people. They are trapped by evil and must be freed. Deep in your heart you must know this, but whatever happens, live or die, I will always love you."

Princess Amourille nodded a reluctant agreement before helping her husband to his feet. He smiled at her and kissed her gently on the lips. In that kiss she felt the word goodbye.

Prince Zacradia stood before the Evil for the last time, and with his dying breath summoned all his remaining power to come forth. Arms outstretched, he cried out, "Be gone evil one, go back to whence you came, to the corridors of Hell."

Sparks flew out from Prince Zacradia's fingertips, changing from blue to red to yellow. The Evil took a step back, then gave an almighty roar as the last remaining magic hit it full on. After shuddering for a few seconds, it exploded, scattering a million pieces throughout the world.

Prince Zacradia had saved his people, but when the Evil spread around the lands it remained in the air, and everyone of us breathes in a little bit each day.

© Copyright retained.by author

267 words

[Lamby]

So whats it about?

[Rincewind]

magic

or to quote one review on writing.com

jpyallup has reviewed "The Evil" | Edit

That is a nice tale. It shows dedication, valor, noble sacrifice. It sounds like a beautiful tale to tell children.

Perhaps, the moral of the story could be, "Never give up..."

Or, one man can make a change.

It could be a little longer, but I can picture a 12-15 page picture book coming from this tale. Needs some fine tuning though.

[DB11]

Children's book? I've have stopped at the end of the first paragraph not sure how to pronounce the geezer's name!

That aside, I think it is good and well written

[Trav Le Bleu]

Children's book? I've have stopped at the end of the first paragraph not sure how to pronounce the geezer's name!

That aside, I think it is good and well written

Typical ref, made a decision with out examining all the facts.