Daggers

Yes, Kettering! Fvck you Hollobone, you twat jacket wearing spanner. Fvck you, your abusive emails, your shit service to the town, and the way you refused to answer simple questions when you door knocked then ran up the street away from me. Every scrapped knuckle from a letterbox, every leaflet, every conversation, every cocktail - totally fvcking worth it.

Roped in by the attack on Jess Phillips

Tom Pursglove out in Corby s Labour win. Must've been a heroin shortage driving a temporary wave of sense.

Shit. I think it's all kicking in. Bed might be wise.

All of you lightweights can fvck off. Don't come in here bandwaggon jumping our all-nighter alcohol fuelled celebration.

Been told Kettering isn’t declaring until 3pm. My internal organs are taking more of a battering than the Tories.

Apparently mixing a margarita at 05:30 isn’t normal. You’d really think she’d understand me by now.

I have a Retriever, all my socks are fvcking wet

Wife has just expressed disgust at how not drunk I am...but I have done most of a bottle of tequila. I'm going to Tesco this evening for a refund.

MOGGGGGGG GGGONNNNNEEEEE

Things have only got better

@Wymsey loves a conspiracy First, Lee Anderson loses his country Second, Dorries does a runner from C4 Linked? The police need to check out her handbag.

He doesn’t get to bugger off to California. ROFL

And fvckitty bye, Andrea

Love Yvette getting home safe, she’s an outstanding MP

Coffey and Mercer going is superb

Thoughts with @Bellend Sebastian at this moment

Braverman’s speech in full

Fvck me, fvcking Braverman as well. The fvck is the electorate thinking?

And there they are

Grampy, Farage, Yarmouth, Badenoch...

I've got all for cooker burners on and I'm spraying deodorant in the garden

21000 fvckwits in Clacton

Magic Grampy has a mandate to be pointless and dull as fvck for another 5 years

Michael Green, Corinne Stockheath, Sebastian Fox - your man took one hell of a beating