Football Howlers

[davieG]

These are genuine quotes and comments from the wonderful world of football which all go to prove that brains are not a requirement in sports circles.

'Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you're 80-20 , sure of winning it.' - IAN DARKE

'It's a case of him (Eric Cantona) losing les marbles.' - GARY LINEKER

'What I don't understand is how a Frenchman can be playing for Manchester United. He's not even from England.' - LORD DENNING QC 'I was in Moldova airport and I went into the duty-free shop - and there wasn't a duty-free shop.' - ANDY GRAY

'There's no width on the wings.' - ANDY GRAY

'If that had gone in,it would have been a goal' - DAVID COLEMAN

'It was a big relief off my shoulder.' - PAUL GASCOIGNE

'They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games,and they've scored in all of them.' - BRIAN MOORE

'Football's not just about scoring goals - it's about winning.' - ALAN SHEARER

'If you can't stand the heat in the dressing room,get out of the kitchen ' -TERRY VENABLES

'The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the pitch,even on a sunny day.' - EVENING STANDARD

'What will you do when you leave football,Jack - will you stay in football?' - STUART HALL

'Steve Agnew is over this free kick - what do you think of the situation here,Steve Agnew?' - NEVILLE FOULGER (BBC Radio Leicester)

'We keep kicking ourselves in the foot' - RAY WILKINS

'I've got a gut feeling in my stomach...' - ALAN SUGAR

'I would not say that he (David Ginola) is one of the best left wingers in the Premiership,but there are none better.' - RON ATKINSON

'An inch or two either side of the post and it would have been a goal.' - DAVE BASSETT

'You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.' - ALAN GREEN

'In football,if you stand still you go backwards.' - PETER REID

'Football today,it's like a game of chess. It's all about money' - NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN

'Nicky Butt,he's another aptly named player.He joins things,brings one sentence to an end and starts another.' - BARRY DAVIES

'The World Cup is a truly international event.' - JOHN MOTSON

'We are now in the middle of the centre of the first half' - DAVID PLEAT

'The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes.' - STEVE COPPELL

'Gary always weighed up his options,especially when he had no choice.' - KEVIN KEEGAN

'It's now 1-1,an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.' - RADIO 5 LIVE

'Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals.' - TONY GUBBA

'The lads ran their socks into the ground.' - ALEX FERGUSON

'We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps.' - BRUCE RIOCH

'...and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied to his foot with a piece of string.' - IAN DARKE

'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up' - IAN WRIGHT (commenting on his team mate's admission of alcoholism)

'The spirit he has shown has been second to none.' - TERRY VENABLES (on Terry Fenwick's drink-driving charge)

'To be really happy, we must throw our hearts over the bar and hope that our bodies will follow.' - GRAHAM TAYLOR

'No-one hands you cups on a plate' - TERRY MCDERMOTT

'To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.' - RUUD GULLIT

'The Saudis would struggle in Europe because of that problem with those prayers five times a day.You don't know if they're going to turn up for training.I'm being serious.' - DON HOWE

'He's chanced his arm with his left foot.' - TREVOR BROOKING

'They've come out at half time and gone bang.' - RON ATKINSON

'If ever the Greeks needed a Trojan horse,it is now.' - GERALD SINSTADT

'It's as if there's a magnet on the outside of the posts and bar.' - JOHN HELM

'He's passing the ball like Idi Amin.' - ALAN PARRY

'He's a schizophrenic of a keeper.' - BRIAN MOORE

'Everybody thought the Saudis were coming here as chopping blocks.' - BRIAN MOORE

'This is going to be a very long 30 minutes with 26 minutes left.' - BRIAN MOORE

'A peep, peep, peep, another peep, and that's it.' - BARRY DAVIES greets a final whistle.

'I never predict anything, and I never will.' - PAUL GASCOIGNE

'It's the end of season curtain raiser' - PETER WITHE

'They're still in the game, and they're trying to get back into it.' - JIMMY HILL

'What a debut for the young goalkeeper, as a striker.' - PETER DRURY

'Whether that was a penalty or not, the referee thought otherwise.' - JOHN MOTSON

'What did you say to Souness after the end of the final whistle?' - TONY GUBBA

'It was one of the best goals I've seen this millenium.' - TONY GUBBA

'Bruce,on his right foot, is still running...' - ALAN GREEN

'Signori has all the tricks up his book.' - RAY WILKINS

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - GARY LINEKER

'If in winning we only draw we would be fine.' - JACK CHARLTON

'Shearer could be at 100 per cent fitness, but not peak fitness.' - GRAHAM TAYLOR

'When the game kicks off, it's over.' - TOM TYRALL

'Cantona's expression saying the whole French dictionary without saying a word.' - BARRY DAVIES

'Some supporters have come down onto the pitch from over the edge of the upper tier.' - NEVILLE FOULGER (see above)

'My name is usually the one on the end of people's lips.' - IAN WRIGHT

'He has now got a scapegoat to hang his hat on.' - FRANCIS LEE

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed' - MITCHELL THOMAS

'Winning dosen't really matter as long as you win.' - VINNY JONES

'It was one of those goals that's invariably a goal.' - DENIS LAW

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.' - RONNIE WHELAN

'It's a case of putting all our eggs into the next ninety minutes.' - PHIL NEAL

'He'd no alternative but to make a needless tackle.' - PAUL ELLIOTT

'Tomorrow, the whole of Newcastle vs Manchester United.' - IAN PAYNE

'Give him his head and he'll take it with both hands or feet.' - BOBBY GOULD

'I'd say he's the best in Europe, if you put me on the fence.' - BOBBY ROBSON

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.' - GRAEME LE SAUX

INTERVIEWER : Which is your favourite commentary team,BBC or ITV? GRAEME LE SAUX : Sky.

'Cole should be scoring from those distances, but I'm not going to single him out.' - ALEX FERGUSON

'The long goal kick, and this could fall...' - GERALD 'not Issac Newton' SINSTADT

'Glenn is putting his head in the frying pan.' - OSSIE ARDILES

'I would have to be deaf not to read the allegations.' - BOBBY DOWNES

'I was playing cards and sleeping.' - TEDDY SHERINGHAM (What, at the same time?)

'We're not used to weather in June in this country.' - JIMMY HILL

'He went through a non-existant gap.' - CLIVE TYLDESLEY

'Peru score their third, and it's 3-1 to Scotland.' - DAVID COLEMAN (in case you're wondering,yes it is from the 1978 World Cup.)

'The ref was vertically 15 yards away.' - KEVIN KEEGAN (or,as Brian Moore once called him,'Keggy Keegal - sorry, Kevin Keegal')

'England now have three fresh men,with three fresh legs.' - JIMMY HILL

'With news of Scotland's 0-0 victory over Holland...' - SCOTTISH TV

'The Dutch look like a huge jar of marmalade.' - BARRY DAVIES

'A game is not won until it is lost.' - DAVID PLEAT

'I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.' - KEGGY KEEGAL

'Neil Lennon wasn't sent off for scoring a goal,and that's what annoys me.' - MARTIN O'NEILL

'Wimbledon are putting balls into the blender.' - RODNEY MARSH

'Sampdoria are real, but they can't play in the Spanish league with the other Real's.' - GRAHAM JOFFE (CNN)

'Last night, we were the best team on the day.' - ROY AITKEN

'He (Steve Walsh) is the type of player who will follow you to every end of the box.' - KERRY DIXON

Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.' - KEGGY KEEGAL

'Nowhere in Europe, especially the world...' - ALEX FERGUSON

[Parsons]

lonnnnnngg read but some of them are class

[john_lcfc]

i love em but i didnt last the pace