Guest Daniel Posted 25 July 2004 Posted 25 July 2004 Ill get the drum rolling... Q. What do you call a blonde in a university? A. Lost!
dhermon Posted 25 July 2004 Posted 25 July 2004 i have indoor cricket tomorrow night so i will have a few for u then as i have been drinking all night my mind not in first gear
Oli Posted 25 July 2004 Posted 25 July 2004 A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?†To which she replied, “There certainly is!†My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!â€Â
Guest Daniel Posted 25 July 2004 Posted 25 July 2004 , thats brilliant! You must of found a good site!
Guest Daniel Posted 25 July 2004 Posted 25 July 2004 Yeah but sites suck, just post the best ones here.
Oli Posted 25 July 2004 Posted 25 July 2004 A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, “I have a problem…It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.†Heidi replied, “Okay,†to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?†Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?†Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.†Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to Heidi, “Do you mind if I call you Phil?†Heidi had now become very dejected, and said “No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.†So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted “Phil, you won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!â€Â
dhermon Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Billy Bob and leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! This here is Joe Bob, Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, buddy"
dhermon Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, upon a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. "So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back! off!! Or you'll answer to me!" St. Peter was impressed, but said: "We don't show any record of this - when did all this happen?" "Oh....Just a couple minutes ago."
dhermon Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel. The first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it!" In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it." The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems?" "No. I couldnt get on the bed!"
dhermon Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 An oriental couple, who owned a chinese restaurant, were fast asleep, when all of a sudden the wife sits bolt upright in bed and exclaims, "I want a number 69, RIGHT NOW!!!" Her husband wearily looks at her and queries, "Ahhh - why you want beef with broccoli this time a night???"
Guest Daniel Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 Thats brilliant mate, ill give you a 8/10 for that one.
dhermon Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
dhermon Posted 26 July 2004 Posted 26 July 2004 A company boss has to decide who to lay off. He decides on two low level management employees Jack or Karen. He goes to Karen and says, "I will have to lay you or Jack off."
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