Oli Posted 27 July 2004 Share Posted 27 July 2004 I get it now. Been explained to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted 27 July 2004 Share Posted 27 July 2004 Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison? A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted 27 July 2004 Share Posted 27 July 2004 Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 27 July 2004 Share Posted 27 July 2004 NASA will be training all there new astonaughts at Old Trafford, its the only place on earth with no atmosphere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 27 July 2004 Share Posted 27 July 2004 Whats the difference between Old Trafford and a Hedgehog? With a hedgehog the pricks are on the outside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 3 August 2004 Share Posted 3 August 2004 Nobody like my last one then? Has anyone got better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 17 September 2004 Share Posted 17 September 2004 Bloke goes to the doctor complaining that his dick is turning orange. The doctor's never heard of this so looks in his medical book. "It says here that your dick turning orange could be caused by stress. Do you have a stressful job?" "Haven't got a job" says the man "Do you have a stressful relationship?" "I'm not married and I don't have a girlfirend" "Do you have any dangerous or stressful hobbies?" "No. Only got one hobby" "What's your hobby?" "I watch porn and eat Wotsits" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oli Posted 17 September 2004 Share Posted 17 September 2004 Ha. That is brilliant . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 17 September 2004 Share Posted 17 September 2004 i hear clive woodward is to be the next manchester united manager! his going to help wayne rooney with his hookers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 17 September 2004 Share Posted 17 September 2004 A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises,two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened,"Well,it was like this,"said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife,when at a difficult hole,we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them,and while i was looking around i noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end,so i walked over and lifted up her tail,and sure enough,there was a golf ball with my wifes monogram on it-stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. Thats when i made my big mistake." "What did you do" asks the doctor. "Well i lifted the cows tail and yelled to my wife "Hey,this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 17 September 2004 Share Posted 17 September 2004 Clark works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Jessica, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Clark, how ya doing?" Jessica is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Clark. "He works out at the gym with me." When they are seated, a waitress asks Clark if he'd like his usual Budweiser. Jessica is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser." "No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them." A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Clark. "Hi Clarky," she says, "want your usual table dance?" Jessica, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Clark follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Jessica can slam the door, Clark jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Clark." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhermon Posted 17 September 2004 Share Posted 17 September 2004 like it very nice 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rotherhamfox Posted 19 September 2004 Share Posted 19 September 2004 Theres this bloke, he finds out his bird is coming back from a trip away from work, hes been frustrated for the last few days and wants a good seeing too. So he goes to the doctor and says 'gimme all the viagra you can, i want it for tuesday, wed, thursday, friday, sat and sunday an all', the doctor replies 'Ok, but you will have to come and see me on the monday after as all that sex could cause very high blood pressure, so i want to check that and your heart'. So the week goes by and the guy comes to see the doctor on the monday, but he has two slings on, so the doctor asks 'why have you got them on' so the fella says 'she didnt turn up'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burger Posted 19 September 2004 Share Posted 19 September 2004 Why shouldn't you shag stupid midgets? Because it's not big and it's not clever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 19 September 2004 Share Posted 19 September 2004 That is amazing! :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb? A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilson Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Micheal Jackson rang Boys II men because he thought it was a delivery service... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Heard about Micheal Jacksons new date for his trial? 6 year old lad called Jamie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davieG Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit. 63641[/snapback] You're a bit late with that one Dan Ash posted that Jul 27 2004, 5:49 PM Up the page a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilson Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 I like that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarby Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit. 6029[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Fan Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit. 63641[/snapback] What about the Man U fan to make a commemorative mug.... That makes it 560,002..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theheartsdaddy Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron Have you seen Stevie Wonders wife? Cause he hasnt What do you call a man with a plastic foot? Roberto What do you call a man with a plastic foot and has had his car stolen? Roberto Carlos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ash Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? A. He's all right now. Q. Where do you find a no legged dog? A. Right where you left him. Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex? A. Marking the camels that kick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daniel Posted 6 February 2005 Share Posted 6 February 2005 Q. Why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no legs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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