If you intend to visit America

[Rincewind]

Stupid Laws

It's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in New Mexico.

In Canada, It is illegal for a teen to walk down main street for Fort Qu'Appelle with their shoes untied.

In Canada, It is illegal to leave your horse in front of the Country Squire without hitching it securely to the hitching post.

In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)

In Connecticut, You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor in Denver.

In Woodstock, NY it is illegal to walk your bear on the street without a leash.

In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

In Connecticut, you are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!

In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit in Sarasota Florida.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic in Indiana.

In New Mexico, females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown in Florida.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state in Ohio.

In Florida, any form of sexual contact other than missionary position is a misdomeanor. (This is still a law. There have been several cases of people being brought up on these charges in the past 5 years alone. If the police enter a home with a warrent for some other crime and catch the 'culprits' in action, they can, and are, brought up on those charges.)

In fire-sensitive Chicago, it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire.

In Michigan, a man legally owns his wife's hair.

In Illinois, it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Women in Joliet, Illinois, can be arrested for trying on more than six dresses in one store.

Anyone interupting a meeting of the British Columbia Grasshopper Control Committee can be arrested.

In Indiana, bathing is prohibited during the winter.

Winnetka, Illinois theater managers can kick out any patron who has "odoriferous feet."

We're not sure what led to this one: In Natoma, Kansas it's against the law to practice knife throwing at men wearing striped suits.

It is illegal for a man to drink with a woman in an Edmonton beer parlour in Alberta.

Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault" in Louisiana.

In Iowa, kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

In Kentucky, by law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket in Kentucky.

An ordinance in Lawrence, Kansas, forbids anyone to carry bees in his hat while on the city streets.

In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

In Winnipeg, it is against the law to go naked in your own home if you leave the blinds up.

In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

In Owensboro, Kentucky, it is illegal for a woman to buy a new hat without her husband trying it on first.

As late as 1932, jail-breaking in Texas was not a crime if the prisoner escaped without using a gun.

In West Virginia, no children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

In Seattle, goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they keep still.

In Illinois, animals can be sent to jail. A monkey served five days in a Chicago jail for shoplifting. Similarly, in South Bend, Indiana, a monkey was convicted of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a fine of $25 plus the cost of the trial.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

In Burnaby all dogs must be under control by 10 pm or the owners will be penalized.

A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

The Georgia town of Conyers ventures to curb speech by prohibiting utterances of the phrase "Two fried eggs and a fritter for a quarter."

Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked in Massachusetts.

In Hawaii it is against the law for you to insert pennies in your ear.

Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public in Ohio.

An old ordinance in Massachusetts declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio - a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

In Massachusetts mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

In Massachusetts taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

In New Jersey it's illegal to buy ice cream after 6 pm unless you have a written note from your doctor.

In Calgary, it is unlawful to throw snowballs or set off firecrackers within the city, without the authorization of the mayor or City Council.

Georgia has a law prohibiting people from saying "Oh boy" in public.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms.

No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.

It is illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.

You can't use elephants to plow cotton fields in North Carolina.

A by-law forbids anyone from striking the sidewalk with a metal object in Winnipeg.

In Los Angeles, customers in meat markets are prohibited from poking a turkey to see how tender it is.

Under California state law, it is illegal to peel an orange in a hotel room.

Connecticut has a lot of ordinances about walking: A law in Northfield forbids eating while walking along the streets. In Hartford, you aren't allowed to cross the street walking on your hands. And in Devon it's unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog in Oklahoma.

Any city in Missouri can levy a tax to support a band, as long as the mayor plays piccolo and each band member can eat peas with a knife.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.

It's against the law to get a fish drunk in Oklahoma.

No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife in Pennsylvania.

It is illegal for women to wear false teeth without the written permission of their husbands in Vermont.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property in Oklahoma.

In Pennsylvania a special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

Under Alabama law, anyone who wears a false mustache in church and causes "unseemly laughter" is subject to arrest.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing in Texas.

Key West, Florida, has an ordinance prohibiting turtle racing within the city limits.

All bicycle riders must signal with the arm before making a turn, and a bicycle rider must keep both hands on the handlebars at all times" in Edmonton.

It is illegal to curse in front of or indecently expose a corpse in Texas.

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five dollar permit in Texas.

It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.

It is illegal to try and catch fish with your hands in Saskatoon.

You are not allowed to play a musical instrument in a park in Windsor, Ontario.

It is illegal for children to eat ice-cream cones on the streets on the Sabbath in Ottawa.

A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the Chief of Police as he is entering the town in the state of Washington.

In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered to by a physician.

An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

In Idaho, the law states that all boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds.

Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the US since 1916 when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high freight rates.

In Texas it's legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it's illegal to reciprocate.

In Tennessee a man must walk in front of any car driven by a woman while waving a red flag as a warning.

A man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap as long as it is less than 2 inches wide.

In Texas, it's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.

In Vermont, USA, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without the written permission of their husbands.

French Lick Springs, Indiana once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

In Mobile, Alabama, it is illegal for pigeons to eat pebbles from composite roofs.

In Berkeley, California, it's against the law to whistle for your lost canary before 7 A.M.

In Delaware, you'll get in trouble if you try to pawn your wooden leg.

In Atlanta it's against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp.

In McLough, Kansas, it's illegal to wash your false teeth in a public drinking fountain.

In Portland, Maine, it's illegal to tickle a girl under the chin with a feather duster.

You can't kill a squirrel with a gun in a courtroom in Canton, Mississippi And in Hazelhurst you'll get in trouble if you carry fish down the street. Finally, in Meridian the law forbids you to roll a safe down the street on its wheels.

In Quemado, New Mexico, a newspaper can be fined if it misspells a person's name in print.

It's against the law to walk down the street while reading in New York City. Meanwhile, in Greene, New York, it's illegal to eat peanuts and walk backward down the street while a concert is on.

Theater owners are forbidden to start a movie that will end after 2 am in Toronto.

Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week on Saturday night in Vermont.

You are not allowed to saw wood on the streets, or wash your automobile in Toronto.

In the state of Washington, all lollipops are banned.

You are not allowed to wear a bathing suit while "loitering, playing or indulging in a sunbath" in any park or on the beach in Victoria.

In Halifax, no citizen is allowed to chop wood on the sidewalk.

Theres hundreds of these. I was listening to Planet Rock and Alice Cooper has a program. He was reading some out that were sent in.

Had to laugh. He was talking about Dr Who and pronounced Dalek Daylek.

Rick Wakeman also has a show Saturday mornings.

[Zingari]

my favourite ;

In Kentucky, by law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

so until you can defy the law of gravity ; you're sober

[Geo V]

In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

It`s legal to use a real gun though so all is not lost.

[Maybes]

In Texas it's legal for a chicken to have sex with you, but it's illegal to reciprocate.

Eurgh

[BigGibbo]

my favourite ;

In Kentucky, by law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

so until you can defy the law of gravity ; you're sober

That one stood out to me aswell so sober I assume means they can drive aswell unless indeed they defy gravity

[BigGibbo]

It`s legal to use a real gun though so all is not lost.

I think all they needed to make a law is Its illegal to rob a bank I think that covers it rather than thinkin of all the elaborate ways you could do it

[BigGibbo]

Eurgh

So how does that work then :laugh:

[DB11]

These laws are crazy.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. [Hmmm... okay, there's one place with a law that makes sense... -psl]

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club".

The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses."

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

In Los Angeles, California, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated. [Not to be confused with the myth about "rule of thumb"'s origin -psl]

In Maryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.)

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.

(The following was received from Patrick Clark [email protected]

a resident of Utah: "Unfortunately, your page on weird USA sex laws ( http://www.bertc.com/sexlaws.htm ) has some errors. Utah law does not consider masturbation to be sodomy. Specifically, Utah Code section 76-5-403 ( http://www.le.state.ut.us/~code/TITLE76/htm/76_05048.htm ) defines sodomy to include the mouth or anus of one person, and the genitals of another. Near as I can tell by reading the law, both are guilty of the misdemeanor, unless it's without consent. Then it's a felony for the aggressor. I can't find anything making private masturbation illegal. In public, on the other hand . . .

Also, "polygamy" is actually "bigamy" in Utah law (section 76-7-101 at http://www.le.state.ut.us/~code/TITLE76/htm/76_09002.htm), and it's a felony. Of course, adultery and fornication are both illegal, but there's no mention of position in the Utah Code anywhere.

Finally, regarding sex with animals, it's not "sodomy," true. It's "bestiality," which is a misdemeanor (section 76-9-301.8 at http://www.le.state.ut.us/~code/TITLE76/htm/76_0B015.htm). If done for pay--in fact, if any of the legal or illegal things listed above (aside from bigamy) are done in public--it's lewdness or sexual battery, depending on how willing any other person involved might be (section 76-9-70 at http://www.le.state.ut.us/~code/TITLE76/htm/76_0B037.htm).

Yes, it's anal of me to call this to your attention. I'm a picky sort, especially when my state's already, um, interesting reputation is unfairly attacked.')

In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Willowdale, Oregon no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).

---anon---

And in a similar manner:

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during theexamination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.!! The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough Problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

[Webbo]

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

Depends on why she's there.