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Dangers of Living in Leicester

Religious Phallic Monument.

You may be approached by chavs who harrass you for money, and if they are denied the will bash your head in with a glass bottle and dump you in Abbey Park.

There are of course certain dangers for those living in, and visiting, the city of Leicester. These dangers include those claw games that just refuse to pick up the plush toy you're spending hours trying to get your hands on and the various religious cults who ambush you in the streets and attempt to get your to worship their almighty glove puppets of doom or be lathered in crude oil and thrown in the Rancor pit,whilst being sliced up into a mighty fine curry. In recent years, students of Leicester have been stalked by the infamous Ultra FOX. A low budget film about Ultra's antics has recently been produced at The Willie Thorn Memorial Studios called "The Binoculars in The Bush"

The main danger however, is the problem of mimes. Being mentioned earlier as being present in Leicester, mimes are by far the most dangerous and feared creatures on the western side of the equator. Mimes are known to chase innocent people across shopping malls, refusing to stop following them until the victim turns around, which is when the mime will freeze on the spot and onlookers will begin to laugh at them, according to famous Russian actress Norman Lovett.

Another major danger in Leicester is the brutal Emo-Goth War, which started in the year 962 BC, before the city was officially founded, and is known locally as High School Musical.. "What is so bad about this?" you may ask, "Let the depressed assholes kill each other!" The route from the Market to Debenhams,a route which has the highest paedophile density in the world, which requires walking or segwaying through this god-forsaken area, you'll be up to your balls in Emos and Goths fighting over who gets to sulk around the clock tower. If you have a brain stem, however, you'll steer clear of this area. The violence is not limited to the clock tower, it often spreads down the surrounding roads and into the rest of the city. Also home to Leicester City FC depression and suicide has risen in leicester by 56.8731% because of their bad peformance. Leicester Tigers recent success is however curing this problem.

Leicester has a worryingly high incest rate, with 99.99% of people who live in Leicester admiting to having sexual relations with a close member of the family. Most Leicester men prefer to have these relations with their sister, although Mothers are also very well preferred in Leicester.

Another, smaller, but just as potent danger within the city boundaries, is that of vampires. The city has a notorious problem with the buggers, and is second only to Bognor Regis in vampire population. In the 2005 General Election, it was noted that a worrying 62% of vampires in Leicester voted for the BNP.

There is a talking pig and a psycho that hang around in Primark and Abbey Park. There is also the lesser-spotted banshee of Welford Road, who is said to stalk the city at night looking for faces to chew whilst high on crystal meth.

Some funny parts in there actually.

[StanSP]

Some of the Oscar Wilde quotes (not only on his page) still make me laugh.

[ozleicester]

Dangers of Living in Leicester

Religious Phallic Monument.

You may be approached by chavs who harrass you for money, and if they are denied the will bash your head in with a glass bottle and dump you in Abbey Park.

There are of course certain dangers for those living in, and visiting, the city of Leicester. These dangers include those claw games that just refuse to pick up the plush toy you're spending hours trying to get your hands on and the various religious cults who ambush you in the streets and attempt to get your to worship their almighty glove puppets of doom or be lathered in crude oil and thrown in the Rancor pit,whilst being sliced up into a mighty fine curry. In recent years, students of Leicester have been stalked by the infamous Ultra FOX. A low budget film about Ultra's antics has recently been produced at The Willie Thorn Memorial Studios called "The Binoculars in The Bush"

The main danger however, is the problem of mimes. Being mentioned earlier as being present in Leicester, mimes are by far the most dangerous and feared creatures on the western side of the equator. Mimes are known to chase innocent people across shopping malls, refusing to stop following them until the victim turns around, which is when the mime will freeze on the spot and onlookers will begin to laugh at them, according to famous Russian actress Norman Lovett.

Another major danger in Leicester is the brutal Emo-Goth War, which started in the year 962 BC, before the city was officially founded, and is known locally as High School Musical.. "What is so bad about this?" you may ask, "Let the depressed assholes kill each other!" The route from the Market to Debenhams,a route which has the highest paedophile density in the world, which requires walking or segwaying through this god-forsaken area, you'll be up to your balls in Emos and Goths fighting over who gets to sulk around the clock tower. If you have a brain stem, however, you'll steer clear of this area. The violence is not limited to the clock tower, it often spreads down the surrounding roads and into the rest of the city. Also home to Leicester City FC depression and suicide has risen in leicester by 56.8731% because of their bad peformance. Leicester Tigers recent success is however curing this problem.

Leicester has a worryingly high incest rate, with 99.99% of people who live in Leicester admiting to having sexual relations with a close member of the family. Most Leicester men prefer to have these relations with their sister, although Mothers are also very well preferred in Leicester.

Another, smaller, but just as potent danger within the city boundaries, is that of vampires. The city has a notorious problem with the buggers, and is second only to Bognor Regis in vampire population. In the 2005 General Election, it was noted that a worrying 62% of vampires in Leicester voted for the BNP.

There is a talking pig and a psycho that hang around in Primark and Abbey Park. There is also the lesser-spotted banshee of Welford Road, who is said to stalk the city at night looking for faces to chew whilst high on crystal meth.

I was wondering how i was going to explain to the Mrs why we were spending time in Leicester... problem solved!

[Rocket-Ron]

I was looking up "Yogi Bear" http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Yogi_Bear WTF??