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About HowardsBulletHeader

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  1. Nothing to report in the Southport Saga. Yeah right. I realised that I didn't tell the tale of the end of the previous season, Exeter were next and it was that long ago I can't even remember anything about it. Anyway it was obviously a 13 goal thriller that we won 7-6 and we won the remaining 8 games after that to set a new points record and obliterate the record of all records and scored loads of goals and stuff. Ok we didn't, but the lads got promoted to League 1 and the chairman popped the champers yet again!! The finances for once in my tenure were healthy (for my standards at least) and everything was great. I'd even managed to bag an affiliate club in Newcastle, paying me £40k a year and I can cherry pick their best youngsters on loan at no cost. What's not to love about that? The first season in League 1 looked very promising, that was if you ignored the fact that my players were now playing teams way ahead of their ability. Boy did it show. 2 points in 3 games, 9 points after 15 games. It was like the first season in the National League all over again. We couldn't score, never got battered, but kept on losing. My 4-2-3-1 that saw us rise through the leagues wasn't working, also the Harrogate hammerer, the 4-4-1-1 had seen better days. Something had to change, so after 10 games without a win, I went 5-3-2. Forest Green up next, 3-0 Southport and the lads were off, 5 games unbeaten. We continued to rise like a proverbial Phoenix from the ashes, particularly after I nabbed some more Newcastle lads in January. We needed some new strikers. Particularly as I plucked out another wonderful marksman that couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo, but first I extend my apologies to Josh Eppiah, my last striker to take ages to get off the mark, all is forgiven. That's because a new phenomenon is in town, step forward Juanito Lopez, 21 bastard games he took to score. It's all gravy though as we get on like a house on fire, I know that because as if to stick two fingers up at his manager, he scored a hat trick in his 21st game, from the bench. Then finished the season with 4 goals. Tosser. We ended the season comfortably safe in 16th following a remarkable run winning 7 from 10 and pummeling Burton on the final day to send the fans home full of optimism for the new season. Despite that we desperately need new team, it's time for big personnel changes! Southport's very own wheeler dealer will be winding down his window in a training ground car park near you very soon. Watch this space.
  2. You mean, I waited all day, for this.... We want goals!! Send in zee Germans!
  3. The Southport Soap Opera continued today, fasten those seatbelts. I left you with the board popping the champers following promotion to the Football League and the return of pro football. Rumour has it they claimed it all back on expenses as rumours of a takeover emerged, saw the chance to snaffle a few quid back Ashley style and ran. Hopefully rumours of a Saudi Prince taking us over prove true or else it could be a long hard season. No rest for the wicked though as it's the big time now! There's been some much needed turnover in the team, 11 out, a few activating some terribly timed clauses in their contracts to stay on. Big fat Ryan Astles I'm looking at you son. Freebies galore coming in and new heroes named Archer, Taylor, Diamond and McCann emerge, all freebies. Who'd have thought a cricketer, a darts player, a singer and a bad parent would make such a good football team. Only in Southport. The league starts with a win but we post 1 in each column for the first 3 games, then 3 straight draws, throw in a few defeats and we soon get to 7 without a win. Things are grim. We start to stick things together and fly up the league that's tighter than a nuns arse peppered with Gorilla Glue (I'm copyrighting that as we speak). We're now part of a top 7 separated by 4 points heading into December. All of a sudden, we break from the pack to go 5 clear, only to absolutely rhubarb (crumble) and go another 6 without a win. Rhubarb central, inexplicable bottle jobs. My £425 wonder Ryan Egan, decides he's off as Bristol City, Cardiff and Leeds all come knocking very early in January, eventually Bristol City win the bidding war £400k up front and potentially in excess of £650k when all is said and done. Not bad for £425, anyone would think I was a financial genius if this was the first post of mine you were reading. The takeover materialises, not quite the financial backing of a Saudi Prince but John Wilkes, apparently he's an oil baron or runs hedge funds or was a manager at Enron. Something like that. Anyway nothing to be concerned about as he's cleared the club's debt, right? On the pitch things couldn't be going better now January has gone, 6 straight wins, 10 unbeaten. There's 37 games played, Exeter up next, a 5 point advantage over the Chaser, can we get back to League 1 and take home thousands of pounds? Don't go anywhere, you'll find out after the international break.
  4. Only an 82 according to Google on PES. The rest of the team are higher than that. Plus unlike Low, I like the old guard. I'd have Kahn, Lahm, Schweinsteiger, Ballack and Klose if I could!
  5. Zee Germans Formation: 3-4-3 Team: GK: Neuer CB: Boateng CB: Sule CB: Hummels RM: Reus CM: Kroos CM: Kimmich LM: Brandt RW: Gnabry ST: Werner LW: Sane Subs: Ter Stegen Muller Ozil Gundogan Ginter Goretzka Can Captain: Neuer Penalty Taker: Reus Short Free Kicks: Kroos Long Free Kicks: Kroos Corners: Kroos
  6. The Southport Saga continued today with us slapping Dagenham and Redbridge 4 zip first game up. Lovely. The boys then decided that we don't do cup games any more, tinpot stuff for our semi pros anyway, we got a few replays then the lads didn't fancy turning up pon de replay (bit of classic RiRi for the lads, everyone loves a classic amirite or am I right lads?!). Anyway like a James Watt special we steamroller everyone in our path going 16 unbeaten before back to back defeats at Chesterfield and lowly Billericay and our lead disintegrates from 11 points to 5. The old knees start knocking, classic wobble. Even the boards feeling the pressure, injecting another £350k into the coffers to help us stay semi pro. With 12 games to the lads rattle off 7 on the spin to put us one win away from the title away at Kidderminster. They go all up tempo, hassle and harry-us (harriers geddit?!) and beat us 2-1, true FM style with a player registering their first goal for the club to seal the deal. 3 games to go, 8 points clear and Barrow up next. Conor McKendry, the Southport Mo Salah, bangs one top bins with 79 on the clock to send the Sandgrounders faithful into raptures. And now you're gonna believe usssss, the semi pros have won the league!! Still two games to go to finish the season, but the board have had the champers out, feeling the love and have asked me if I think we should go professional. Into the Football League and back to Professional-dom we go!
  7. I need to improve my updates to compete with this, absolutely class.
  8. Latest update in the now semi professional Southport adventure, eyes down, here we go. With finances in trouble I had no option but to try and shift some players, some that I wanted to let go and some that I didn't. 4 players, £155k and to be honest very minimal impact in our dire financial situation. Ironically we started the National League season exactly the same way we did the last one, a 4-0 opening day victory. Cue my cause for concern given the last time this happened. I needn't have worried, it seems like the lads have taken to training twice a week like a duck to water. I mean if we could all do our jobs twice a week, we'd love it, right? We started the season with an 8 game unbeaten run, George Newell the Crown Jewell firing the lads up the table in the early stages and heading the league goalscoring charts. Then form typically wobbles and Charlie Oliver, my best centre half leaves to join league rivals York. We were down to 7th. Gutted. Meanwhile I'm also still trying to offload some periperhal wingers to balance the books with little success. The non league paper interview says that "some might say you're a wheeler dealer", I respond in true fashion with "I ain't no facking wheeler dealer mate, fack off". With no money to sign anyone, inspired by a fellow poster on here, I tried to sign loanees with no wage contribution, with some decent success. Credit to the fellow FM posters there. With the loanees involved my midfield is now performing well, but led by an existing young star Connor McKendry, who fired back to back league hat tricks to register 7 goals in 3 games to be the Sandgrounders leading scorer this season from the right wing. Who needs Mo Salah? After our typical wobble we have restrapped our nappies back on and won 7 of the last 9 league games (2 draws) to finally overhaul Torquay who'd lead pretty much from the start. 26 games in and a point clear with a game in hand. Dagenham & Redbridge in 3rd next. Who knew training just twice a week, absymal financial acumen and turning your club semi pro was such a successful strategy? Long may it continue as I think promotion is our only survival hope. The board have just shoved another £85k in the coffers just as I turned in for the night. I promise I'll improve Mr Chairman. We both know how good I am with promises...... To be continued....
  9. Well pre season has been an absolute disaster for the Sandgrounders, my lack of financial acumen has cost the club professional status and as such we can only offer part time contracts and only train twice a week. Oh and Oliver Denham has gone, I miss him. What a guy. I can't write any more, far too upset. There's 12 beers in the fridge, there won't be by the end of tonight.
  10. Grab your nearest snack, here goes: Another 4-2 win followed my previous 4-2 victory and we were on another run. 5 out the last 6 games saw us pick up all 3 points and all of a sudden, the thought was, maybe, just maybe we could sneak into the playoffs? 10 games to go, 10 points behind. Dare we dream? I was. So was Molly Adams tweeting "Ee-eye Ee-eye Ee-eye oh up the National League we go!". The Sandgrounders faithful were starting to believe....... But yet again FM did it's classic of biting me in the ass, we lost to runaway leaders Barnet, a result which the board was "very disappointed" with. I mean seriously?! We somehow plucked a point from the jaws of 3 away at Leyton Orient as after Newell slotted us in front in the 93rd, a defensive lapse from kick off saw us immediately concede. We lost twice again in the final 7 games and the pipe dream was over. Bump. A 13th place finish for the Sandgrounders, which considering we had 7 points after 15 games and finished only 9 outside the playoffs, I was delighted with. The season ends with a familiar tale. So let's start with another favourite phrase from my missus which is, "You never learn". Turns out as manager I don't learn either, as another unhappy player with a broken promise strolls into my office. I've not strengthened the first team sufficiently. Well Josh, if you'd actually found the net in your first 13 games, maybe we'd be in the playoffs and perhaps I wouldn't have needed to strengthen the squad (until next season anyway). Transfer list. Auf Wiedersehen. I did make some good signings this season, particularly defensively, the problem is keeping them. Star of the show is the only man I've ever paid a fee for, hold onto your hats it's mega money...... the £425 wonder from Cardiff Met Uni, Ryan Egan. Class, he won't be here long. Oliver Denham is also attracting interest from the mighty Gillingham, Coventry, Doncaster amongst others. My concern is the board might get involved and sell them as I'm not very good at keeping within the prescribed wage budget. I tell them, I bring the results, you sort the budget side! That went down just as you'd imagine, just like my reputation. Now, to scout my ass off to find an attacking version of Ryan Egan before the new season. To be continued......
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