Knighton Matt

:laugh:

A man went into his local and was moaning about his wife nagging him. Another of the regulars, a bloke named Big Arti, came up to him and said: "I could sort her out for you mate... Give me a quid and I'll do the deed." "Brilliant" says the bloke, gives him a quid and tells him that she goes to Sainsbury's every day at 10am, is blonde and wears a red dress. So the next morning, Big Arti goes to the local Sainsbury's at 10, and sure enough sees the blonde woman in a red dress and strangles her. Then, as he turns round, he sees another blonde in a red dress, and wanting to make sure he's got the right one, he strangles her too. As he is on the way out he amazingly sees another blonde in red, so strangles her as well to be 100% sure before hastily leaving. The next morning the newspaper headlines read... "BIG ARTI CHOKES 3 FOR A POUND IN SAINSBURY'S"

Q: What's the difference between a pot of yogurt and Australia? A: The yogurt has got some culture in it. Hey come on I'm half Australian it's allowed!

I watched Dodgeball again today and can recommend it as perfect film to watch whilst nursing a hangover!

Battle Royale. A disturbing but brilliant film.

I watched Meet the Parents again last night some quality lines... Greg Focker: You can milk just about anything with nipples. Jack Byrnes: I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life, / You gave me milk, / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela, / An angel from Heaven, / But you were also an angel of God, / And he needed you, too. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force, / And now we'll meet in Heaven, / And I shall see you / Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore. Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful. Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information. Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg? Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so. Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not. Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car? Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why? Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green. Greg Focker: Oh. Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it. Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai. Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai. Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well. Jack Byrnes: I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours. Bob Banks: What is that smell? Jack Byrnes: That smell, Bob, is our shit. Focker flushed the toilet in the den so the septic tank overflowed. Greg Focker: I told you, Jack, it wasn't me, it was Jinx. Jack Byrnes: FOCKER, I'm not gonna tell you again. Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat for Christ sakes! Larry: The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker. [in the car listening to "Puff the Magic Dragon"] Greg Focker: Who'd have thought it wasn't about a dragon. Jack Byrnes: Huh? Greg Focker: Well some people think that 'to puff the magic dragon' means to... puff... smoke... a marijuana cigarette. Jack Byrnes: Puff is just the name of the boy's magical dragon... You a pothead, Focker? Greg Focker: No, I pass on grass always. Well not always. Jack Byrnes: Yes or no? Greg Focker: No, um, yes, um... Pam Byrnes: Greg Honey, how are you doing? Greg Focker: Oh great, considering I desecrated your Grandma's remains, found out you were engaged, and had your Father ask me to milk him. Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too. Bob Banks: What field? Greg Focker: Nursing. Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in? Greg Focker: Nursing. Kevin: [On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I figured if you're going to follow in somebody's footsteps, why not the steps of our lord and savior? Jack Byrnes: [before Greg has a chance to respond] Greg's Jewish. Kevin: Really? Greg Focker: Yeah. [Jack smiles and nods] Kevin: Well so was J.C...

No it's 11 separate bets... Obviously if they all come off you'd win all 11 bets.

Congrats mate!

£30 down the drain and a strong word with your source I would have thought mate!

Gone for a couple of scorecasts today. Bellamy 1st scorer and Blackburn 2-0 @ 52-1 Bellamy 1st scorer and Blackburn 2-1 @ 46-1

Grr I know mate! If only Fowler's goal was allowed I would have been quids in.

Anyone got a cheeky accumulator on today? I've gone for 5 homes... Liverpool Villa Leicester Plymouth Norwich Returns of £70 if they all win from a £5 stake.

pure class! Here's my effort

Newcastle is one of the greatest cities in England!! Have you been recently it has changed a lot with much investment being ploughed into the area and some of it looks amazingly smart. Leicester could learn a lot from the case of Newcastle about how to turn a city from a souless dump (which Leicester essentially is) into a revitalised, cultural and vibrant city.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: what a post!