Bellend Sebastian

I'm going to make you keep saying it until you either admit I'm correct or vomit up your internal organs. I will consider either a victory

Nooo! The second series is brilliant too. The bit where he does the Dante Fires presentation after impaling his foot on the fence is my favourite. 'Heeurrrghh...you know that feeling, where there's nothing coming up?'

I thought that's what they were doing at first, it was so loud. She's going to be too tired for anything like that after a night being kept awake by that racket. She should pop round and see me

Snoring. I can hear the girl next door's boyfriend snoring through the wall. How loud must that be? The poor love. Not only is he a shortarse, at night he sounds like he's warning ships of his position

Squeaky trainer. Why does that happen? It's a proper ball-ache, it is

I doubt they even noticed, to be honest

Simply un-friend them. I got rid of a load recently. It felt ACE

A strange mixture of heartbreak and relief. And no, I've not been rejected by a prostitute

Bloody hell, I'll have to change my profile pic if Mr Jiggs ever gets up to anything like that. He may well be dead now anyway

Fender Telecasters, Tunnocks Teacakes, Belle and Sebastian gigs and records, The Lake District, Elvis t shirts, Morrissey, a good book

I realised how boring my life has become when we were talking about our weekends and I said I'd had to buy a different sort of bread to usual but it was ok because it was really nice

It's the same as online petitions, which are a complete waste of time as it takes about two seconds to do one, thereby providing no evidence that anyone ACTUALLY CARES about the issue, i.e. is willing to devote any TIME or EFFORT into doing something about it. A lot of people would much rather add their name to an online petition than vote in an election, as the latter involves leaving the house

Why anyone would even try to use a razor I've no idea. I need to buy a new blade for them about every 3 days. I'm going to have to wrap my scarf round my face on the way home - either that or stand side on to everyone that walks past

Getting a new shaver delivered to the office, realise it's partially charged, then stupidly shave half of face before said charge runs out. I've no-one but myself to blame

Early afternoon pints in the Western make everything seem much better

It's been a financial disaster so far. First I get a letter through the door saying that the Council will insulate my loft for free, when I paid £150 to get it done myself last week, and then I get my amended fuel bill saying that I'm not £325 in credit after all, but a measly £60. Oh well

They're still mourning Joe. http://www.birminghammail.net/news/top-sto...97319-21879748/ Poor Joe

Not too bad. Got quite a lot done in the office, and have been manhandled by a tramp, to make it a bit more memorable

My friend has just advised me that she pays someone £25 to come in for two hours. Presumably to clean

My house is grinding my gears too. Stupid knackered roof and stupid rain and stupid rot and stupid lots of money to put right

Oh dear http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7836055.stm

That sounds like my boss, who's a bloke. You really cannot win, can you?

What with Prince Harry's delightful nickname for one of his fellow cadets, it's ALMOST as if the ruling classes remain as hopelessy out of step with the rest of society as they ever were. Having the (mis)fortune to know a few Conservative students in my time, I wish I could say that I'm shocked by what this little tosspot has done, but it's about in line with the crap they used to come out with

Piles! Arrrrgggghhh

It was ace. My mate Ted and I went rambling in the Peak District. It was so cold we got frost in our sideburns, but because we were well wrapped up and striding out, we were still nice and warm. All the streams were frozen, and all the peat bogs were solid so there was none of that sinking into the ground nonsense. There weren't many other folk up there - wusses. I love a ramble