Bellend Sebastian

I'm the metropolitan liberal elite, so I am duty bound to, obviously. I was raised in a house where I only had access to the Daily Mail, The Sunday Times and occasionally the Daily Express, so when I first read the Guardian I was confused as to why it doesn't feel like being metaphorically punched in the face, over and over again, except perhaps when it's Owen Jones writing and I don't read his bits anyway

The background of this is pretty c*nty anyway, but someone's really stepped it up a level: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jun/24/woman-poses-dead-cyclist-eilidh-cairns-aunt-oppose-london-bike-lane

Max Hastings has been laying into Boris Johnson again. Posted simply because it's quite entertaining: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jun/24/boris-johnson-prime-minister-tory-party-britain

Not every sketch in this show is gold, but it's pretty good and I've watched this particular one at least a dozen times. "Pierce your baby's ears'

I too like to play it, inexpertly. Used to be my party piece, many many years ago

Accidentally chopped chunks out of both of my new trees with the strimmer. Really hoping I've not f****** them up. What a dozy tit

FANTASTIC. If you ever witness someone driving around Leicester with their windows down and this blasting out, it's my good self

Napoleon Dynamite

Not checking the weather forecast and then the wind smashing our expensive wooden parasol to bits

Well I did have a banana and some milk before heading off, and on top of the no caffeine and alcohol think I slept even better, so I think you're on to something

Not long come back from one just south of Lisbon. Great beaches to both the west and south. The one we had would be too big for 5, but judging by how quiet it was loads of the gaffs round there must be holiday lets

No booze yesterday, no coffee since mid afternoon, turned the PS4 off well before bedtime and a better night's sleep than I've had for a while (despite my daughter getting up at 3am AGAIN). Going to repeat this again for a few days and see if it genuinely makes a difference

Which leadership contender will be first to admit to smoking crack?

It's difficult to know what is career ending these days. If US Evangelicals can turn a blind eye to Trump going on about pussy grabbing, you can get away with saying you sucked PCP out of Darren from Balham's arsehole in a Soho gay club for all I know

Don't know for sure, but having just read the description of his book, could well be