Great sledges of our time

[Fez of Mahrez]

Bit in the paper yesterday about Monty Panesar, saying his fielding is reminiscent of Phil Tufnell and a recollection of an Aussie fan shouting at Tufnell, "Oi Tuffers, lend us your brain, I'm building an idiot". That made me laugh out loud.

Also honourable mention goes to Aussie wicketkeeper Ian Healy for suggesting to Shane Warne that the best way to get Sri Lankan fatty Arjuna Ranatunga out of his crease was to "put a Mars bar on a good length".

[marko]

Here's a few of mine

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out."

Fred Trueman: The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"

Freddie Flintoff to Tino Best: After playing numerous defensive shots against Ashley Giles Flintof muttered to Best "Mind the windows Tino". Next ball Tino charged down the track and got stumped.

[Cobbo]

Here's a few of mine

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever effing mention my wife again, I'll F*ing rip your F*fing throat out."

Fred Trueman: The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied.

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "**** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"

Freddie Flintoff to Tino Best: After playing numerous defensive shots against Ashley Giles Flintof muttered to Best "Mind the windows Tino". Next ball Tino charged down the track and got stumped.

Some crackers there

Tino didn't half look dim.

[The People's Hero]

I think this a well used one but I've heard it used by my own team mate this season already.

Saturday just gone we were playing a village side who won't be named but featured in a game at Lords last year supposedly between the two best village sides in the country. We were playing them anyway (emergency fixture bureau) and were a few wickets down.. one of their quickies was bowling well, variable bounce, plenty of movement off the pitch, in fact, he was a bloody good seamer.

Anyway, I'm at one end and my mate is at the other. He's on about 30 not out, I've just come to the crease. This quickie has bowled about 4 successive maidens and the field is creeping in, sensing the pressure building. After 4 more dot balls, the bowler continues his run up through and apparently said to my mate 'it's round, it's red, if I throw you a slower one, do you think you can hit it?'

Next ball my mate hit him over the covers, about 10 feet short of being a six and said 'you know what it looks like mate, now go and **** fetch it.'

I was a bit miffed until he explained the first bit to me. Hilarious though!

[Ultra]

The best one involved Inzamam-ul-Haq (I think) and Glenn McGrath.

GmcG: Why are you so fat?

Inzamam: Cos every time I sleep with your wife she gives me a biscuit.

Given Mrs McG is not in the best of health, her hubby was well wound up by this!

[Stevosevic]

Is Monty from Leicester?

[Fez of Mahrez]

Is Monty from Leicester?

He was born in Luton.

[Newcastle_Fox]

Is Monty from Leicester?

He studied at Loughborough Uni

[Sir Fynwy]

Merv Hughes told Javed Miandad who was speaking in Urdu to talk English.

Javed then told Hughes he was a "fat bus conductor".

Hughes then gave Javed what one commentator called "a ferocious delivery", which got him out. "Tickets, please," Hughes called out as Javed headed back to the pavilion.

And.

Hughes was also involved in a celebrated exchange with Robin Smith at Lord's in 1989, when he told Smith: "You can't f***ing bat." Smith then clouted the next ball and told Hughes: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f***ing bat and you can't f***ing bowl."

[Sir Fynwy]

Here's a less tasteful one:

1993 - The Australian slip cordon allegedly greeted New Zealand batsman Chris Cairns with a chant of "Choo Choo" after his sister had just been killed in a train accident.

[Guest]

Trust you to lower the tone....